Читать книгу A Magical Christmas - Elizabeth Rolls, Bronwyn Scott - Страница 21

“SO WE’VE BEEN seen by at least three of the biggest gossips in the place,” Josh said mildly, “which should ensure your mom knows you’re telling the truth about dating other people.” He broke off as a woman approached their table. “What can I do for you, Mrs. Cook?”

“Sorry to bother you when you’re not on duty, Chief—” she nodded pointedly to Brenna “—I was wondering if you’re going to be running that women’s self-defense class again.”

“You need to speak to Officer Marsh,” Josh said easily. “He keeps a waiting list. He’ll contact you when a new class is planned. Probably in the spring.”

“And you don’t think I’m too old to join?”

“No, ma’am.” Josh gave her a warm smile that had Mrs. Cook beaming in return.

“Well, I’m sorry for disturbing you. You two have a nice evening now. And that dress is just perfect on you, Brenna. You look like a picture.” She walked away, bumped into a table and Brenna grinned.

“Well, Chief. It seems you have yet another admirer. So you don’t drug them or use handcuffs, you just smile at them?”

“If only it were that easy.”

He was so patient, she thought. He had time for everyone. Tyler was unapologetically imperfect whereas Josh was perfect for her in every way, and she was being ridiculous. She was turning into someone who thought the grass was greener on the other side.

If she carried on like this, she was going to die old and withered, regretting all the opportunities she’d missed and the things she hadn’t done.

“Let’s go back to your place and have sex.” She blurted the words out and then gave a squeak of embarrassment. Oh, God, she shouldn’t have said it like that. She should have flirted or at least been more subtle about it. She should have kissed him and let things take their course. When Élise talked about it, she made it sound so normal and natural, but Brenna had never felt less natural in her life.

Josh put his fork down slowly. “Now? Or do you want to wait until after dessert?”

She didn’t know whether to laugh at herself or crawl under the table. “I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m sorry—”

“For what?”

“For—oh, I’m so bad at this. Why do I have to be so bad at this? Everyone else finds it so easy, and I want to die on the spot.” Mortified, she covered her face with her hands and then felt strong hands cover hers as Josh drew her fingers away from her eyes.

“If you die on the spot, you’d leave me with a whole lot of paperwork I don’t need right now.”

“You’re mocking me.”

“Honey, I’m not mocking you, and it’s a hell of an offer but I think we probably need to talk about it some more.” He shook his head as their waiter approached. “Not now. Thanks.” He was firm, decisive and their waiter backed away, glancing nervously between the two of them.

Imagining how that conversation would go down in the village store, Brenna felt her face burn up. “Did he hear me? I’m going to have to move back to Europe. I can’t believe I said that. I mean, I’d been thinking about it obviously, and—” She had no idea what to say or do, but Josh was smiling.

“I can’t believe you said that, either. Want to tell me why?”

“I think moving in with Tyler has driven me crazy.”

“You thought it was time to cure yourself of Tyler and that I might be the cure.” The fact that he was so calm and reasonable made it worse.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m flattered you picked me.”

“I do care about you.”

“I know. I care about you, too, honey, which is why I’m still sitting here. If I weren’t an officer of the law, I might be tempted to handcuff Tyler and leave him attached to a tree until he’s had time to think through what he really wants.” His tone was mild but there was flint in his eyes.

“It’s not his fault.” She put her head in her hands. “What is wrong with me? Other people have emotionless sex all the time.”

“Thanks.”

“Josh, I don’t mean—”

“You can stop explaining. I’ve known you since you were four. There’s only ever been one man for you.”

“And he doesn’t want me. And I have to stop this. I have to move on. I can’t believe we’re talking about this. I never talk about it.” She leaned back in her chair, despairing, her emotions so close to the surface she couldn’t hold them back. “What am I going to do, Josh?” And then she realized it wasn’t fair to ask him, because he was in the same position as her. “I feel so bad, because I know you have feelings for me.”

“But they’re my feelings. I told you that already. Stop worrying about me, stop worrying about Tyler and start thinking about yourself. What do you want?”

She didn’t even know anymore. “I need to be honest, but if I tell Tyler how I feel, he’ll freak.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t. At least you’d know how things are. Isn’t it best to be sure?”

She stared at her wineglass. “I’m scared of ruining everything.”

“Scared?” Josh gave a faint smile. “Brenna Daniels, who once skied off the back of Baker’s Ridge in a white-out? You’re the bravest person I know.”

“I’m not good at speaking up. Generally, I’d rather dig my head in the snow and hope that by the time it has melted, the problem will have gone away.”

“This particular problem has been around for most of your life so I think it’s fair to assume it’s not going anywhere. Let’s get out of here.” Josh gestured to the waiter, and Brenna pulled out her purse.

“I’m paying. First I propositioned you, and then I whined all over you. You shouldn’t have to pay on top of that.”

“Give me a break, Brenna. If I don’t pay, it will be all over town, and Ellen Kelly will never let me in the store again.”

“In that case I’ll give you cash when we’re in the car.”

“Then it will look as if you’re bribing an officer of the law.”

They argued, he paid and then drove her home in silence, through swirling snow and darkness.

When he finally pulled up outside Lake House, he kept the engine running. “I’ll wait until you’re safely inside.”

“I had a really good time. And I’m really sorry about—well, you know. Basically everything.” Feeling really awkward, she picked up her purse. “Do you want to come in for a coffee or something?” Oh, God, why had she said or something? Now it sounded as if she was propositioning him again, but Josh simply smiled.

“I think there’s only so much Tyler can stand in one evening, and we’ve probably already pushed him past his limit.”

Brenna sat, watching the snow drift past the windshield and melt away on the hood. “He doesn’t think of me that way.”

Josh breathed out slowly. “Brenna—” his voice was patient “—why do you think he was so angry when I came to pick you up?”

“He’s protective, I know that.” She stared at the snowladen trees, remembering the fun they’d had playing in the forest. “I’m like his little sister.”

“I have a little sister. I’m protective. Doesn’t mean I want to strangle every guy she brings home.” He turned his head, and his gaze locked on hers. “He cares about you, Bren. That business with Janet freaked him out, and he’s backed off relationships ever since.”

“I know. He was torn up over losing Jess.”

“Which is crazy when you think about it because a man like him shouldn’t have wanted to be saddled with a baby.”

“He’s a wonderful father, and he has always adored her.” She leaped to his defense, and Josh sent her a look of exasperation.

“I’m starting to think I should lock the pair of you up overnight. Then you’d be forced to talk.”

It rose inside her, that dangerous thing called hope. “No!” She tugged off her shoes and pushed her feet into her snow boots. “I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to imagine something that isn’t there and want something I can’t have. I don’t want to live my life that way.”

“Maybe it’s time to tell him how you feel.”

“And then what? He tells me he doesn’t feel the same way and it’s so awkward and embarrassing I have to leave my job? There is nowhere to go after a conversation like that. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eyes. Good night, Josh.” She was out of the car before he could say anything else, her shoes dangling from her fingers. She jammed her key into the lock, relieved when he drove away but feeling guilty because he was a good friend, and she couldn’t be what he wanted her to be.

Everyone was in love with the wrong person, she thought dully. It was like a stupid movie where the ending was like a giant car crash. The type of movie she hated.

Closing the door, she dropped her shoes on the floor, tugged off her boots and hung up her coat.

Tyler’s jacket hung on the hook next to hers. She ran her hand over it, touched the fabric and then leaned in and buried her face in it.

“You’re late.” His voice came from behind her. “I was worried.”

She jumped and turned, heart pounding, scrabbling for an explanation as to why she’d been nestling in his coat. “I—I lost my balance.” And fell with my nose in your coat.

Oh, crap—

“Right.” He gave her a strange look. “Did you have a good time?” He stood in the doorway of the den, his powerful frame almost filling the space. His jaw was unshaven and his feet were bare. He looked strong, muscular and so handsome, it almost hurt to look at him.

Those brilliant blue eyes met hers. Her response to that look was so overpowering, she felt a flash of despair because she’d never felt a tenth of this sexual charge when she was with Josh.

“Yes, I had a good time.”

“Are you seeing him again?”

This was the moment when she should say something. She could come straight out and say Tyler, I have feelings for you and I’d like to know if you have feelings for me.

She stood for a moment, balanced on the edge of a decision, afraid to take that step.

“I don’t know. I need to go to bed.” She needed to get away.

“Wait.” His voice was soft. “Come and join me in the den. We could watch a movie or something.”

He was suggesting they snuggle in the dark?

Why would he do that?

“I’m pretty tired.”

“A quick coffee, then. In the kitchen.”

Remembering what had happened the last time he made her coffee in the kitchen, she shook her head. “I really do need to get to bed.” Her gaze collided briefly with his but it was enough to set her pulse racing.

Maybe he did feel something. Maybe this wasn’t all one-sided.

He broke the tense silence. “I wanted to talk to you about Jess.”

“Jess?” From riding high on hope, she crashed down to disappointment. So he didn’t have a personal reason for wanting to spend time with her. It was about Jess. “What about her?”

“I suspect she’s been having some trouble at school. She hinted that she’d talked to you about it.”

“You should be talking to her, not me.”

“If you know something, you shouldn’t keep it from me.”

There were so many things she was keeping from him, it hardly seemed to matter. “The best way to make sure a teenager never talks to you again is to break a confidence.”

“So you do know something. Come on, Brenna, you have to tell me!”

Her head throbbed. Her heart ached. “I can’t do this now, Tyler.” She started to walk past him, but his hand closed over her arm.

“You don’t seem like yourself.” His eyes darkened dangerously. “Did Josh say something to upset you?”

“No. I had a lovely evening.”

“Did you sleep with him?”

She froze. “That is none of your business.”

“Tell me what happened.” His grip tightened. “You’re upset, and you weren’t upset when you left.”

“Nothing happened.” And nothing was ever going to happen because she was in love with the wrong man.

“Are you serious about him?”

This was the moment. This was the moment when she should tell the truth and ask him how he felt.

“Why are you asking?”

There was a pounding silence. A moment in which she was aware of her breathing and his.

“Because I don’t want him to hurt you. I care about you.”

Hope, bruised and battered, struggled briefly back to life. “You do?”

“Of course. We’ve been friends forever.”

Friends.

She stood for a moment, long enough to regain her balance and her sanity.

Honesty was one thing, but there was no point in asking a direct question when she already knew the answer.

“My love life is my business.” She pulled away from him and walked toward the stairs, her vision misted by hot tears she refused to let fall. “Good night, Tyler.”