Читать книгу The Roving Tree - Elsie Augustave - Страница 9

Chapter 1

Who would have known of Hector, if Troy had been happy?

The road to valor is built by adversity.

—Ovid

When I left my native village in July 1961, the lightbulbs that hung from ceilings and the vehicles that went up and down the paved streets of Port-au-Prince reminded me that I was away from Monn Nèg’s narrow dirt roads, where cars seldom passed and torches and gas lamps brightened dark nights. Indeed, my way of life had changed. I no longer slept on the floor with my cousins nor ate each meal holding an enamel plate on my lap. Now I slept alone in a bed and sat in a hotel dining room at a table covered with a white tablecloth; I learned to use a knife and fork. A man in black pants and a white shirt came to ask what I would like to eat and always there was a choice of meat, fish, or chicken at lunch and dinner. I found it hard to believe that I could have chicken because, at home in Monn Nèg, it was a special treat reserved for Christmas, New Year’s Day, or Easter.

When John and Margaret visited our home in Monn Nèg, I was far from imagining that they would mold the rest of my life. I remember being intrigued and fascinated by their appearance. I could not stop staring at their skin that was even lighter than the shop owner in town who everyone called the Syrian. They both had long, slender legs and hands that felt so soft. The color of their hair reminded me of the straw that women weaved to make hats and baskets to sell in the market. Their lips were thin and pink; their noses long. As far as I knew, they fit the descriptions of the master and mistress of the waters that I had heard about in the folk tales that adults told every evening. Everyone called them blan. What I liked most was their soft-spoken voices and the way they showed interest in whatever little things I did or said.

The real change in my life happened when Margaret held me by the hand as we said goodbye to John at the Port-au-Prince hotel and watched the taxi disappear down the elegant street, taking him to the airport. A few days later we boarded a Pan American jet to New York, to meet him and the big sister who I was told would be waiting for me.

Fascinated, I thought that the airplane was a house in the air above the clouds that even had toilets inside, like those in the Port-au-Prince hotel. Women with Margaret’s complexion placed food on small tables attached to the backs of the seats in front of us. As soon as I finished my meal, I fell asleep and woke up to a woman’s voice announcing, in English and in French, that we should prepare for landing. I remember that the airplane dropped and rose back up, causing my stomach to curl.

“That’s just a bit of turbulence,” Margaret said, in her usual soft voice.

Although I had no idea what she meant, I no longer felt safe. The airplane bounced and tipped to the side and felt like someone was shaking it. I looked out of the window but all I could see were thick, dark clouds.

My breathing quickened and my heart raced. Margaret placed her arm around my shoulders and drew me close.

“Take a deep breath,” she said. “Slowly, let the air out through your nose.” She held my hand until we touched ground.

We joined a line of people and waited our turn to be directed to a man in a booth, who examined the little books that Margaret handed to him. After a brief conversation, she showed him some papers and he stamped our books and waved us through.

Margaret recovered our suitcases from a moving black rubber belt, then we walked to a place where people stood searching for exiting passengers. Some called out names, while others hugged. As voices echoed around us, I could not understand what they were saying. I had never seen so many people in one place, not even in the Monn Nèg market. We followed a man in a blue cap who pushed our suitcases on a cart, and all I could think of was how quickly my life had changed.

“There they are,” Margaret said, pointing to John who was waving to us and holding a young girl by the hand. She looked older than I was and she was holding the biggest doll I had ever seen.

Margaret smiled and hugged her tight. “Iris, this is Cynthia; Cynthia, this is Iris.”

Cynthia looked like John and Margaret and like most of the people in the airport, even though her hair was the bright orange color of the sun when it is about to go behind the mountains. There were brownish spots on her nose, and her smile made her eyes sparkle.

“How old are you?” she asked me in French.

“Five,” I answered.

She studied me briefly, then handed me the doll with hair that looked like corn bread and eyes that were the indigo color that women in Monn Nèg used to rinse white clothes. I took the doll and smiled at it smiling back at me. I had seen dolls in the store in town where I had gone with my mother a few times, but none as big or as beautiful as the one Cynthia gave me. I held it in my arms, recalling that my cousins and I used to make clothes out of rags to dress up mango seeds that we pretended were babies.

Breathing the fresh scent in the car, I shivered feeling a chill similar to what I had felt in the hotel room in Port-au-Prince and inside the airplane. I wrapped my arms around my body and looked out the window at the cars speeding by in the opposite direction.

“How can people cross the street with cars driving by so fast?” I asked in the Creole-flavored French that my mother had taught me so that I could achieve her dream of succeeding in life. The little French she knew she had learned in school and later working as a maid for a rich family.

“This is a highway,” Margaret commented, and explained that people did not walk across highways.

After what seemed like a very long ride, John pulled into the garage of a redbrick house with brown-trimmed Tudor windows. I admired the slender drooping branches of a tree and the cut grass that was so unlike the wild weeds behind our mud-plastered house in Monn Nèg.

“This is your new home. We live in Westchester, New York,” he said.

Holding my hand, Margaret showed me around the house. Going from room to room, I wondered why there was so much space for only three people. In the kitchen, I inhaled an aroma that reminded me of the tea my great-grandmother used to make with cinnamon sticks and brown sugar.

At this point, I don’t remember every detail of the house when I first saw it, but later this is the way I came to know it. Built on a slope, the main entrance opened onto a foyer that divided the lower and upper levels. The spacious kitchen had a center island and a breakfast nook that led to an outside deck. Adjacent to the kitchen was a large formal dining room, living room, and a guest bathroom. The master bedroom suite was upstairs along with two other rooms: one was Margaret’s study, the other was John’s. A family room, three bedrooms, and two full baths were on the lower level.

A world of magic opened to me. Everything seemed so vast, open, and clean. There were no clothes hanging from lines outside, no pots and pans and calabash bowls stashed inside wicker baskets. I had to get used to a kitchen with appliances and food that I never knew existed. The days I spent in the Port-au-Prince hotel hardly prepared me for this new life.

About a month later, when the novelty of it all wore off, I began to think about my family in Monn Nèg and missed the aroma of smoke from my great-grandmother’s pipe. I missed the warmth of my mother’s dark, watery eyes, the sounds of my cousins’ laughter, and the taste of mangos that had fallen from the trees. This left me with a yearning for a familiar world. Sobs often rocked me to sleep when there were no tears left. One night, holding my doll, my sobs became so violent that I woke up Cynthia, who ran out of our room to get John and Margaret.

“What’s the matter?” Margaret asked, as she turned on the light.

“I want my mother!”

Margaret sat me on her lap and said with fondness in her voice, “I’m also your mom. John is your dad, and Cynthia is your sister.”

As he took Cynthia out of the room, John whispered to Margaret, “I think you’d better stay with her until she falls asleep.” Feeling secure with the doll close to my chest, I fell asleep as my new mom sang a lullaby.

* * *

The next evening when John came home, he smiled and with excitement in his eyes, said, “I have a surprise for you.” I rushed toward him to accept the framed photograph that he handed me. Seeing my mother brought a gradual smile to my face. There she was, stiffly sitting on a wooden stool, eyes fixed on the camera. Large, black, timid, scared eyes. Head tied with a scarf, her limp arms hung at her sides. John placed the picture on the nightstand next to my bed. After that, whenever I was alone I would tell her about the important and unimportant things that happened to me.

Eventually I got used to life without my Haitian mother. Within a few months, I had adjusted to eating new foods and speaking French and English. I even learned to accept the way people stared when I was out with my new family. The only thing I couldn’t get used to was the anguish my hair caused. I hated the daily morning ritual of Margaret combing out my matted hair. All she could manage to do was tie it with a ponytail holder that made it look like a pig’s tail. Usually I ended up in tears, wishing I had Cynthia’s soft hair flowing down my back.

What I disliked most was the way people found an excuse to touch my hair like a woman did one Sunday when Mom, Dad, Cynthia, and I went to brunch. While we waited for a table in the restaurant’s lobby, my sister and I went to the restroom, and when we returned we found Mom and Dad engaged in a conversation with an older couple.

“This is my daughter Cynthia, and my younger daughter Iris,” Mom said, wrapping an arm around each of us.

The man raised his eyebrows. His wife stared at me, then at Mom and Dad and Cynthia, before moving closer to me. With a frown on her face, she said, “I always wondered what these people’s hair felt like,” and without the slightest hesitation, she patted my head.

Flushed with irritation, I took a step back. “Stop petting me. I’m not a dog,” I said.

She quickly removed her hand from my hair. I noticed Mom and Dad smile when the couple moved away.

Still, I have a clear memory of another incident that seriously disturbed the peaceful and agreeable life that I was living with the Winstons. On the day before the start of Easter vacation, as I walked into the student cafeteria in our small bilingual school, I waved to Cynthia, picked up a tray, and joined the food line, where women dressed in white uniforms behind a counter served sandwiches, vegetables, salad, and spaghetti and meatballs. I heard a boy ahead of me ask if he could take another carton of milk. I saw his disappointment when he was told that he had to pay extra and returned the carton. By then I had been in the United States for three years and still had not adjusted to drinking cold milk, so I told him he could have mine. Instead of being grateful, he gazed at me with his icy light-brown eyes, causing me to think I had done something terribly wrong. With my head lowered and holding onto my tray, I looked for Cynthia, wondering why the boy had acted the way he did.

“That nigger better not sit here,” the boy said to a girl who was sitting next to him and across from Cynthia. “They’re loud, lazy, and stupid.”

I raised my eyebrows and set my tray on the table. “Are you talking to me?”

The girl snickered. “There’s no other nigger here, is there?”

I didn’t know what the word “nigger” meant but suspected they were talking about my skin color. Back in Monn Nèg, people talked about my complexion with admiration and envy because its reddish-brown color was different, but I never detected contempt in their voices.

“If you don’t want to sit with me, you and your friend should move,” I told him, holding my head up high and pulling back a chair.

“Why should we move? Go back to Africa!” the girl snapped, fixing me with a cold gaze. She and the boy then burst into laughter.

“What does Africa have to do with this?” I asked.

“Isn’t that where you people came from?” the boy questioned, pulling back his lips.

Cynthia’s face turned red. “Leave my sister alone!” she screamed, hitting the table with a fist.

“Your sister? Which one of your parents is the nigger lover?”

Cynthia reached across the table like a thunderbolt and slapped the girl, who was about two years older. Seconds later, they were on the floor tearing each other’s clothes and pulling each other’s hair.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” the other students screamed.

The girl was on top of Cynthia, throwing punches. A hollow sensation sped inside my stomach, prompting me to jump on her back. I bit her shoulder as hard as I could. Several teachers rushed to the scene.

All afternoon the words “nigger” and “Africa” echoed in my mind. Later that day, sitting in the family room at home with Cynthia, I couldn’t concentrate on the book I was trying to read. I needed to talk. “How do you feel about being adopted?” I asked, breaking the silence, happy to have a common issue we could discuss.

“Sometimes I wonder who my real parents are. But I don’t really care.” Cynthia shrugged and buried her head in her Nancy Drew book.

It now occurs to me that she probably didn’t care about being adopted as much as I did because she had our parents’ skin color. Besides, she had no recollection of a life without the Winstons. And I did.

“Why did you fight that girl?” I asked, determined to hold her attention.

“Didn’t you hear what she called you?”

“What’s a nigger?”

“I’ll answer that question,” Mom said, walking into the room with Dad.

The headmistress had contacted Dad about the fight, and he had picked us up from school after calling Mom at work.

“Racists in this country use this name to insult black people,” she said, taking a seat next to me.

“I don’t understand.”

“Those kids didn’t want you to sit with them because they don’t like people who are different.” Mom leaned back and crossed her legs. “They have a disease called racism. A lot of people in this country are infected with it. Dr. Martin Luther King is trying to cure them.” She touched my hand gently as she spoke.

“Are they in a hospital?”

Mom and Dad looked at each other, smiling at my confusion.

“Dr. King is not a medical doctor,” Dad explained. “It’s just like people call Margaret ‘doctor’ because of the degree of education she has earned.”

“How is Dr. King going to cure them?”

“With his ideas,” Mom answered. “He wants to make them understand we can live together no matter how different we are. But he doesn’t believe we can achieve that through violence.”

That evening, I overheard Mom and Dad’s whispering in the living room on my way to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I stopped to listen when I heard my name.

“I wonder if adopting Iris was the best thing for her,” Dad said.

“Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know if this country is ready for a black child living with a white family. I’m afraid she may suffer from more racist acts.” He took a deep breath and went on: “Maybe we’re taking this dream of little black and white children living happily together a bit too literally.”

“I still think she’s better off here than in Haiti.”

“What happened on the phone?”

“The father said he didn’t owe me any explanation, that liberals like us are ruining this country, and that life would be better here if we would leave Negroes where they belong.”

I didn’t want to hear anymore. Tears filled my eyes as I wondered where people like me belonged. The girl in the cafeteria said Africa.