Читать книгу The Complete Early Novels - Emile Zola - Страница 41

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One morning Daniel went to the rue d’Amsterdam, and on coming home he informed George that he would leave, perhaps never to return.

He had learnt during the day that Jeanne had finally come out of the convent and was living with her aunt. This news made him like a madman. He had now only one thought: to gain admittance and establish himself in the house where the dear object of his affection was.

He schemed, plotted, and laid his plans, and ended by finding out that Monsieur Tellier, who had at last entered Parliament, needed a secretary, and he immediately took a decisive course. He sought for a recommendation at the hands of the author of the Dictionary, who was still grateful to him, and he spoke to Monsieur Tellier in his favour. He was to present himself on the morrow, and he was sure to be accepted.

George, painfully surprised, stared at Daniel, unable to find one word to say. At last he opened his lips and protested: “But we cannot separate thus. We have work in hand to occupy us for several years. I reckoned on you. I have need of your assistance. Where are you going? What do you propose doing?”

“I am about to take the place of secretary to a deputy,” quietly answered Daniel.

“You a deputy’s secretary!” and George began to laugh. “You are joking, surely. You cannot really be thinking of sacrificing the fine career which is opening out before you for a place like that. Reflect well; our success is a certainty!”

Daniel shrugged his shoulders with perfect indifference, and his face had an almost contemptuous smile on it. What mattered celebrity to him? Was not his future the happiness of Jeanne? He gave up all for her without a regret. He lowered himself; he accepted an inferior position in order to watch at his leisure over the child who had been entrusted to him.

“So you do not intend to work at your masterpiece any more?” persisted George again.

“My masterpiece is elsewhere,” gently answered Daniel. “I am leaving you to go and work at it. Ask me no questions; I will tell you all some day when my task is done. Above all, do not bewail my lot. I am happy, for during the past twelve years I have been waiting for the joy which is mine for the first time. You know me; you know that I am incapable of a foolish or shameful action. Do not be anxious, therefore. Understand, my friend, that my heart is full of joy, and that I am about to accomplish the ‘task’ of my life.”

George for answer pressed his hand. Now he understood that the parting was a necessity, he felt there was in his friend’s words an ardour so noble that in this sudden departure he divined a limitless sacrifice.

On the morrow Daniel left him. He had not lain down all night, having spent it in setting everything in his room in order, bidding a solemn farewell to the walls which he probably would never see again. His heart beat violently and there was an indefinable sadness upon him, that sadness which the warm-hearted feel when leaving a home in which they have experienced both hope and sorrow. In the street he detained George a moment.

“If I can,” he said, “I shall come and see you. Do not be vexed with me, but go on and do the work of two.”

And he was off, hurrying away, as he had no wish that his friend should accompany him.

Such a flood of thought passed through his brain that he arrived at the rue d’Amsterdam without any consciousness of the road he had taken. He was full of the past and future. He saw once again Madame de Rionne dying; he followed with distinctness month by month the events of the years that had passed since then, and at the same time he sought to foresee the events which were about to follow.

One figure stood out supreme in his meditation — that of Jeanne — Jeanne, quite a little girl, such as he had left her on the gravel path in the boulevard des Invalides, and he felt a scorching flame in his breast, a burning affection in his heart.

This little girl belonged to him. She was his as an inheritance of love, he explained to himself. He was quite astonished that she had been stolen from him for so long a time. He rebelled, then was appeased when he came to remember that she was to be restored to him. She would be his, wholly his. He would love her as he had loved her mother, worship her as a saint; and wild notions rushed through his brain, and the madness of self-sacrifice began to fill his whole being. His love was overflowing; it suffocated him. During all these years he had firmly repressed the inmost feelings of his heart; he had made himself a mere machine; he had waited coldly, passively, without a word. The awakening had come — a terrible awakening of passion. A hidden, unceasing work had been going on in his heart; his faculty for love, from the want of expansion, had been intensified to the highest degree, and so he had come to have one fixed idea. His affection had become an exaggeration; he could no longer think of Jeanne without being tempted to worship her image.

Suddenly he found himself in Monsieur Tellier’s private room, without knowing how he came there. He heard a servant saying to him: “Please to be seated; Monsieur will be with you directly,” and he sat down trying to keep calm.

Those few minutes by himself did him good. If he had found his future master there he would have stammered through nervousness and agitation. He got up and took a turn round the study, examining the library and the many different objects with which the articles of furniture and the bureau were loaded. All these things, although luxurious, seemed to him in very poor taste. On a stand there was a pretty statuette in white marble of Liberty, which Daniel was inclined to take for a Venus, till he noticed the Phrygian cap which was coquettishly set on her curly hair.

The young man was examining with curiosity this object, wondering what it did there, when he heard the sound of a slight cough.

Monsieur Tellier came in. He was a big, stout man, with round, bright eyes. He carried his head erect. When speaking he gesticulated with his right hand always in the same manner.

Daniel briefly explained to him who he was and what he had come about.

“Oh, well,” he answered, “I have heard of you, and I think we shall be able to come to an understanding. Pray take a seat.” And he himself sat down in the armchair in front of the bureau.

Monsieur Tellier was far from being a bad man, and he had given proof at times of much intelligence. When certain topics were touched on, three or four fixed ideas wandered through his brain like those little dolls which turn round in Barbary organs. When these ideas slept his conversation revealed a blank in his brain that was perfectly appalling.

He had only one vice — that of thinking himself a profound politician. He laid down the law in politics with the greatest gravity. He would have ruled States as doorkeepers in large mansions rule their lodgers — repeating the same phrases, wrapping up his few ideas in a deluge of words. Nevertheless he was thoroughly sincere, and lived at peace in his folly.

From childhood he had prated of the people and “Liberty” with overwhelming solemnity. Later, when in full prosperity and having under him crowds of workmen, he went on with his philanthropical discourses, never dreaming that he would do far better to talk less and raise his workmen’s wages. But the people and “Liberty” were to him abstract things that must be loved platonically.

When he amassed a colossal fortune he set his mind on living only for that which afforded him the greatest pleasure. He managed to be made a “deputy” (member of Parliament). He experienced a childlike joy when he repaired to the Chamber. He listened religiously to the great speeches, the long empty sentences that he loved, and every night when he got home he felt quite sure that he had just saved France from utter ruin! In his own eyes he acquired a considerable importance. He thought he was, so to speak, the necessary bulwark against the invasion of tyranny. He was astonished that the people as he passed through the streets did not bow before him as before the father of his country.

Sometimes he did make a speech in the Legislative Assembly, reading endless discourses. On one occasion he had gone into an industrial question, and he handled it very well, for there he was in his element. But his vanity dreamt of grand discussions of patriotic principles, and then he lost himself miserably.

His wife did all she could to prevent him from entering the Chamber. Her only ambition being luxury, she would have preferred that her husband should keep quite away from public life. But he held his ground, and informed her that he left her full liberty to pursue her own pleasures, and therefore, for his part, he intended to amuse himself as he liked, and do as he pleased. So they each went their own ways. His wife being exasperated at his obstinacy decked herself out in most eccentric toilettes, and threw her money about in all directions, while the husband declaimed against luxury, eulogised the wholesome simplicity of republics, and displayed the empty rhetoric of his pet subject — the good of the masses. When you came to examine into these two, the wife and husband, their follies were, after all, about on a par. From the moment he became a deputy Monsieur Tellier’s ambition knew no bounds, and there was nothing he desired more than to be called an “author.” He undertook a vast work on political economy, in which he was very soon completely at sea; and it was at this time that he felt the need of a secretary.

Daniel showed himself modest and willing. He accepted all the conditions Monsieur Tellier chose to impose upon him; but really he barely listened to them, for he was all anxiety to be established in the house. Just as a complete understanding was on the point of being arrived at, the deputy said:

“Ah! I was forgetting, since we shall have to live together there must be no misunderstanding between us. You are quite free to believe in what you like, and I would not ask you to make the least concession to your conscience. But what are your political opinions?”

“My opinions!” echoed Daniel, bewildered; “oh! liberal; I could not be more so,” the young man hastened to answer, happily remembering the marble statue, and he turned instinctively towards the pedestal on which it stood.

“Have you seen it?” said Monsieur Tellier, much struck. He rose and took the little image in his fingers, speaking very emphatically. “It is the great Mother, the Human Virgin whose office is to regenerate the nation.”

A look of perplexity came into Daniel’s face, and he was very much astonished to hear such big words made use of with respect to so small a thing. The deputy gazed lovingly at the piece of marble with the look of a big child playing with a doll.

It happened one day, long before, that his plaything disappeared, and he was searching for it several hours; it was Jeanne, who having come out of the convent for a holiday, had taken it and was thus nursing Liberty in her little arms, thinking she was nursing a doll.

Gazing at the deeply-moved expression of Monsieur Tellier’s face, Daniel saw clearly that this little image was, to him, an exact representation of the goddess in her strength and power. That Liberty which he clamoured for so loudly was in reality nothing more than this smiling and attractive grisette in marble. In other words it was merely a Liberty you could put in your pocket.

Monsieur Tellier then took it into his head to sit down again in his armchair. He definitely accepted Daniel’s services, and plunged into political questions of the most intricate kind. The poor young man was beginning his apprenticeship as an obedient piece of furniture.

In the midst of a long diatribe the orator was most disagreeably interrupted by peals of laughter which issued from a neighbouring room.

“Uncle, uncle!” cried a young voice, and the door immediately opened.

A tall young girl came in boisterously, and running to Monsieur Tellier she showed him two birds shut up in a gilt cage that she was holding in her hand.

“Oh, do look, uncle!” said she; “do look how pretty they are, with their red breasts, their yellow wings, and their black aigrettes! Some one has just made me a present of them.” And she laughed, with her head thrown back in order to see the little captives better, her movements displaying the most charming grace.

Tall girl as she was, she had still the manner of a child. She seemed to fill the gloomy study with light and air; her white skirt shed a soft clear brilliancy around her; her face shone like a vermilion star. She flitted about with the cage in her hand, taking possession of the whole room, leaving behind her the fresh perfume of youth and beauty. Then she drew herself up, became serious and proud-looking, with her broad forehead and deep eyes in haughty and ignorant maidenhood.

It was little Jeanne — his little Jeanne! Daniel had risen trembling, gazing at his dear daughter with a kind of respectful terror. He had never dreamt that she could have grown up. He had always pictured her just as he had left her, and he expected when he saw her again he would have to stoop down to kiss her on the forehead.

And now here she was — tall, beautiful, and proud-looking. She seemed to him very much the same as those other women that laughed at him. Not for anything in the world would he have gone up and kissed her. At the thought that she would soon see him he felt quite faint.

Surely a stranger had been substituted for his little girl. He wanted a child, not a young lady, for never could he address this grand and beautiful person, who laughed so gaily, and seemed so proud. In the first moment of surprise he scarcely understood what he was doing there; he had forgotten what the dead woman had said to him. He took refuge in a corner, standing bolt upright and not knowing what to do with his hands. But notwithstanding his nervousness, he could not keep his eyes off the young girl; he was considering how like she was to her mother and he felt a delicious warmth creeping into his heart.

Jeanne, who was attending to her uncle’s remonstrances, did not even see him. Monsieur Tellier, vexed at being interrupted, looked at her severely, half inclined to be angry. These outbursts of the young girl were not pleasing to him, as they disturbed him in his reflections.

“Good Heavens!” said he, “you come in like a whirlwind; you are no longer at school now. Try and be a little more considerate.”

Jeanne, much hurt, became serious, and a scarcely perceptible smile of disdain was noticeable on her rosy lips; she looked as though she were suppressing a feeling of rebellion. Her clear vision had certainly penetrated all her uncle’s folly, and her eyes, twinkling with malicious fun, alone protested against the seriousness he wanted to impose upon her.

“All the more considerate,” pompously added Monsieur Tellier, “that I have company at the present moment.”

Jeanne turned round to see where the company was, and perceived Daniel in his corner. She looked at him with curiosity for a second or two, then she pouted a little with disappointment. She had never got nearer loving anything but the images of the saints at her convent and the lanky youth, with plain features, who stood awkwardly there, by no means recalled to her those saints, with their clear-cut profiles and silky looking beards.

Daniel had lowered his eyes when she turned to look at him. He was blushing and he felt unhappy. Never would he have thought that this meeting, so ardently longed for during many years, would be so painful to him. He remembered the emotion which agitated him when he came to the rue d’Amsterdam; he had a vision of himself in the street, delirious with excitement and dreaming of taking Jeanne in his arms and carrying her off. Now he was there, trembling before the young girl, with not a word to say for himself.

A hidden force, however, seemed to be driving him towards Jeanne. After the first few moments of timidity he was tempted to kneel at her feet. It was not Monsieur Tellier’s presence which restrained him, for he had quite forgotten where he was; but the crushing sense of the true state of affairs rivetted him to the spot. He perceived clearly that Jeanne did not recognise him. He had caught sight of the young girl’s pout, and a deep shame filled his heart with bitterness. She did not love him — she never would — and by that he meant that he could never be as a father to her and she could never be as a daughter to him.

Whilst he thus meditated Jeanne advanced, took up the cage, and tripped away, without answering a single word to her uncle’s remonstrances. When she had left the room Monsieur Tellier said:

“My young friend, I broke off at the theoretical question of association. Put two workmen together...

And so he rambled on for a whole hour. Daniel kept nodding his head as a sign of approval, without listening. He was surreptitiously looking towards the door by which Jeanne had disappeared.