Читать книгу Before You Were Mine: the breathtaking USA Today Bestseller - Em Muslin - Страница 13

CHAPTER 7

I guess it were the idea of me becoming someone else’s responsibility, a weight off their shoulders, which lightened the mood a little. Even the boys had worn their confirmation suits, which was a rare sight and I have to say they looked pretty handsome in them too. Bert had outgrown his and I noticed he kept tugging at the sleeves in between his incessant sighing, and pulling on his collar throughout the service.

But nothing was gonna stop me feeling joy. Don’t get me wrong, the service was as simple as you like, and only my Ma, Pa, and brothers attended on my side and Tommy’s Ma, Eloise, on his. Oh and Reverend Harris, of course. But when I stood next to Tommy in his suit, I felt close to fainting. He’d hired it from a store up in Mallory – and my, he was fetching when he cleaned up. He’d combed his hair and I swear I even detected a whiff of cologne too. Daisy had made some excuse about being busy at the salon that day, but no doubt my Ma told her all she needed to know.

We hadn’t prepared our own vows or nothing fancy and it was over pretty quick, but I relished every moment I stood there. I’d blocked out the argument I’d heard a few nights before between my parents about my Pa giving me away. I guessed the fact he stood next to me meant that it’d been resolved. It was nice to see him out of his overalls and scrubbed up. If you hadn’t known better, you’d have thought we were a pretty tight and – might I add – fine-looking family.

Tommy had been out with the boys for some beers the night before, and I’d spent the night packing my worldly belongings into a box to take over to my new home. I didn’t have any drinks or anything. I laid out an old silvery blue dress of mine on the bed, which just about fit me still, and picked out some shoes that I thought looked a little fancy.

I hadn’t really known what to wear. I didn’t exactly have the smartest closet and I couldn’t remember the last time my Ma went out and bought me something. I didn’t think Tommy had seen me in this dress, so I thought it might be kinda nice to wear it on my wedding day. The house was quiet without the boys and I think my Ma was in the kitchen, doing some laundry or something. She never came into my room and I have to say I was pretty shocked when I turned around and saw her hovering awkwardly by the doorway.

She was holding something in tissue paper and neither of us really said anything for a while. We just kind of stood there, soaking up the silence of the house, looking at each other. Eventually, she held out the tissue bundle towards me and she even smiled a little.

I glanced down at the package and then back to her face and it may have been the light, but I’m sure I saw a tear in her eye. It was probably the dust on the porch that she’d swept up earlier that made them look all blurry, but I really couldn’t be sure. I remember the tissue had been tied up with this beautiful pink ribbon and when I took it from her, to be honest I wasn’t quite certain what to do.

‘Well ain’t you gonna open it then?’ Her voice was softer than usual and I think it even croaked a little.

Staring at the bow on top, I looked up at her and slowly untied it. The ribbon fell to the floor and as I unfolded the tissue, I nearly fell down too. The detailing on the silk must have been hand-painted or something. I’d never seen anything quite like it. As I unravelled it, it slipped through my hands. It smelt of expensive perfume.

‘This what you’re wearing?’ I asked naively. My Ma laughed, which I have to say was a rare sight. Not quite understanding, I laughed a little too. She moved towards me and, for a moment, we both forgot that we had become strangers. She took the dress from my hands and held it up against me. She brushed my hair behind my ears and she just kind of stared at me for a little while. Now that she had stepped closer, I could tell she’d been crying – else it must have been one hell of a dust storm outside, because her eyes were pretty red.

‘I bought it for you. Lady at the store said it had a pull in it at the bottom, so she gave me a little off it, but I guess it’s better than that tatty ol’ dress,’ Trudy said, nodding to the dress I had laid out.

Oh my, I had never seen anything quite so beautiful. It looked like one of those sophisticated dresses you saw in the magazines Daisy brought back from the hair salon. I was bursting with joy and I was just so overwhelmed I couldn’t help myself. Without thinking, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around my Ma, but as soon as I touched her, she flinched and backed away. She dropped the dress so that it lay in a heap at my feet, and whilst I leaned down to pick it up, she turned and walked out of my room, closing the door behind her.

It must have been quite late when I heard the boys stumble in. I could tell they’d had a skinful, as I could hear them jeering loudly. One of them must have tripped up on the stairs, as there was a loud crash followed by noisy laughter from them all. I’d spent the rest of the night trying to pack up my things, but I just couldn’t stop standing in front of the mirror with my new dress and stroking the soft silk that ran through my fingers. I folded the tissue it had come in and popped it in my box of belongings with the ribbon. I hung the dress up, so that I could lie looking at it in the moonlight.

I think I barely slept that night. I dozed on and off and every time I awoke, I remembered the dress and my Ma stroking my hair. The warmth of her fingertips against my skin. I had butterflies in my tummy and at the first sign of sunrise I was up and at ’em, pacing the floor, holding the dress next to me and peering out of the window across town, to see if I could spot Tommy.

I was the first to wash and even though the service wasn’t ’til mid morning, I couldn’t wait to try the dress on proper. No one mentioned anything at breakfast and my Ma carried on as normal. I tried to catch her eye a couple of times, but admitting defeat and determined to enjoy the day, I went upstairs to get ready.

Although the church was only a couple of blocks down, we had decided to drive there. My Pa owned a 1953 Buick Skylark, which he’d bought at auction a couple of years back. It’d been wrecked in a car crash, but my Pa was determined to buy it and do it up. Slowly, slowly over the years he’d got it to a fair old state. The paintwork still needed doing and inside the seats were tattered and worn, but all the same, it was my Pa’s pride and joy.

We drove slowly through town. The boys had gone ahead and walked. I believe they were going to pass by Tommy’s place, pick him up, and meet us there. Samuel and Payton made some sly jokes over breakfast ’bout Tommy running out of town that night, but they soon shut up when my Pa gave them one of his stern looks. If you knew my Pa, you knew when it was time to close your mouth. Even at their age, my father had no worries about taking my brothers and belting their asses if they stepped out of line.

He hadn’t been defending my honour when he gave my brothers his look. I think it was more the fear of it actually being true and them being lumbered with me for a while longer. My Pa was a man of very few words and so the fact he hadn’t spoken to me in such a long time, other than to ask to pass the salt, was really no big deal. If you were to come for supper one night, you wouldn’t think anything of it. It’s just the way he was. That was my Pa.

No one commented on my dress, but as I came down the porch I caught my Ma looking at me, and although it wasn’t exactly pride I saw in her eyes, I couldn’t be sure it was shame either. I noticed a few people glance up and stare at the car. My Pa waved to them as we passed by and my Ma nodded awkwardly in their direction. Pulling up at the church, I could see my Pa was anxious. It was a warm morning and there was sweat across his forehead. Like Bert, he fiddled with his suit and pulled on his tie, whilst we waited in the car.

As I said, the service was something and nothing. Something to me and nothing to the others. Tommy was as nervous as hell, but then again so was I, but I think we muddled through it OK. I’m sure I heard my Pa breathe a huge sigh of relief when Tommy said ‘I do’, and I ain’t seen him move so quickly at the final Amen, since he heard he won sixteen to one on the All American Futurity. He was determined to get straight into his overalls. I heard he went back to the garage that day and continued with his work.

My Ma didn’t hang around too long either. After the service was over, I saw her talking to the Reverend for a while and I must have been distracted by something, as when I looked over, both she and the Reverend had gone. Tommy’s Ma had been wheeled in and out in her chair and although she couldn’t say much, I could tell she was happy to see her boy hitched. The boys hung out with Tommy for a while in the churchyard and I remember standing, leaning against the wall in my silk dress, thinking over and over that I was now someone’s wife. Boy that moment felt good.

When we eventually decided to go home, I have to say for a second there, I forgot I wasn’t going back to my house – my folks’ house. It was only when my brothers decided to split and passed Tommy the box I’d packed the night before I realized there was no going back. I’d been to his place a couple of times previous. We didn’t really hang out there and I’d only been in the living room once to have tea with his Ma and the time when he wanted to pick something up before our date.

It was much smaller than our place, as it had only been Tommy and her. His Pa had died when he was a kid, so the house didn’t need to be too big. I remember I stood outside for a moment and stepped back, taking in the view for a minute or so. Tommy stood with me, holding my box, and after an awkward moment of silence, he smiled at me and we walked right on in.

The kitchen sat behind the living room and a pair of double doors opened up to make the space larger. The kitchen weren’t too big, but it was workable. On the left-hand side sat a dining room table and chairs. Tommy hadn’t done anything with the interior and to be honest I thought it were a little old-fashioned; but it had a nice feel about it and I thought with a little cleaning up, I could having it looking like a home in no time.

With little else to do and the afternoon ahead of us, I set about making Tommy and I some lunch. However, after opening the fridge and finding it virtually bare, I looked at Tommy who I think was a little sheepish. I decided to go to the store. I guess, after all, that was my role and poor Tommy hadn’t had anyone to look after him since his Ma had had her first stroke.

Finding my way to the bathroom, I stopped for a moment and caught sight of myself in the mirror. It was only one of those facial ones, but I’ll never forget when I stood on my tiptoes, how I looked in the silk dress. Thinking about my Ma, my heart began to race. Closing my eyes momentarily, I felt her fingers gently stroking my hair.

I hadn’t been to the upstairs before and not knowing which one was my room, I was relieved to spot the box that Tommy had taken up, in a doorway opposite the bathroom. Pushing the door open a little further, I walked in, turned my head, and spotted the double bed. I remember my stomach churned over, making me feel a little faint. Grabbing my purse from the top of the box, I shut the door to. After quickly checking the kitchen cupboards, I hastily left via the front door, leaving a bewildered Tommy standing in the living room.

I didn’t really look up to see who was in the store. I had learned very early on to keep my head down and go about my business, but it wasn’t exactly easy to ignore the fact that as I stepped through the doorway, the place fell deathly silent. The hush was soon replaced by whispers. Busying myself with what to make for our first supper together, I didn’t strain to hear what was on their vicious tongues.

I chose to make shrimp and grits, grabbed the groceries, and stepped towards the cooler to collect some beer for Tommy; but I couldn’t help but notice Mrs Kelland the town drunk and gossip staring right at me. Mrs Tomlinson – with her withered face that was permanently etched with a frown – stood close by and looked me up and down.

Before either of them could say a word, I plonked my basket down on the counter, bidding them both a good day. I don’t know where my nerve came from, but as I watched their jaws slacken and catch the flies that buzzed around the store, I felt a little pride. However, the pride was short-lived, as before I knew it, Mrs Tomlinson wasted no time in telling me I wasn’t old enough to buy the beer. She grabbed my basket and took the tins out one by one, openly enjoying the moment.

Passing her a ten-dollar bill to pay for the shrimp and onions, I asked the Lord to forgive the thoughts that raced around my head. Heavenly Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. Grabbing my purse and change, I walked out the store, but feeling their eyes burning into my back, I couldn’t help but turn around and stick my tongue out at them. Then I ran.

I don’t know what possessed me, but as I ran across town, back to Tommy’s in my silk dress, the frozen shrimp in my hand, I giggled to myself. The thought of returning to him made me feel safe. I sped through the gate to the front yard and stopped to catch my breath. After wiping the sweat from my brow, I opened the door to find Tommy in front of the mirror combing his hair.

I think we both flinched at the same time, and as soon as I shut the door behind me it dawned on me we were man and wife. I think Tommy sensed I was nervous and he awkwardly stood in the kitchen, whilst I popped the groceries away. Feeling the cool of the fridge on my face, I crouched down and shuffled the few bits and pieces that Tommy had in there. Not knowing what else to do, I got a hot soapy bowl to clean up the kitchen good and proper. A woman’s touch.

I could feel Tommy hovering awkwardly behind me. My Pa had given him the day off, what with it being his wedding day and all, but neither of us really had plans, or at least I didn’t. Tommy said his Ma was staying at an ol’ friend’s in town for the night and I didn’t think to question why. As I lathered up the soap, I smelt Tommy close to me. I clenched my teeth tight and felt him push up against me and kiss the back of my neck. Despite him being in his wedding suit I could still smell engine oil on his skin. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, whilst I stood frozen to the spot, then he took my hand in his and led me upstairs.

We lay there, on top of the sheets, me in my silk dress. I was tucked up under his arm, my head resting on the bulk of his chest. We just held each other. No words, no movement, just the sound of our breath and Tommy’s heart beating against my ear.

Day must have passed when I awoke, as the light in the room had gone. I couldn’t remember for a second where I was, until I felt Tommy’s hand in mine. Lying still, I turned my head to hear him gently snoring. Taking the opportunity to look at him, I could see in the dusky light how full his lips were. Little plump pillows.

I remembered how when we first began dating, that I daren’t look at him for more than a couple of seconds. Too shy to catch his eye. On his right cheek he had a small scar, which I guess must have been from shaving, and a dimple in his chin, but other than that, his skin was clear and fresh. A little stubble had begun to show through and despite his size, I remember thinking how like a little boy he still looked.

Cautiously and I must say, reluctantly, peeling my hand from his, I crept off the bed and made my way to the kitchen. I think it must have been the smell of fried shrimp that awoke him. Sleepily, he made his way downstairs. Pausing to look at me, he flashed me another smile, sat down, and switched on the TV.

I laid the table, which sat to the right of the kitchen. Finding a candle and holder at the back of his Ma’s store cupboard, I placed it on the linen cloth and lit it, so a gentle glow was thrown across the table. Sitting down next to me, Tommy eagerly tucked into the shrimp, barely pausing for breath.

Watching him, as the candlelight flickered on his face, I remember looking around me and thinking about my Ma. She’d be sitting there now, at the dinner table, with my father and her boys. For a moment I thought about my chair being empty and then I remembered Daisy – and although you won’t believe it, I promise I felt happy. I felt happy for my Ma, knowing that Daisy would be there for her. Her jigsaw and mine, nearly complete.

Taking a deep breath, I sat back in my chair and seeing Tommy, my husband, smiling right back at me, I felt for a moment almost content. Almost.