Читать книгу Love, Honor or Stray: - E.N. Joy - Страница 11

As Maeyl sat at the stoplight, he couldn’t help but peep over his shoulder at his snoring little girl. Sakaya was as snug as a bug in a rug in the backseat. Looking at her, he regretted not being in her life for the first three years. In just the last few months, she’d brought him so much joy; he could only imagine all that he’d missed out on. A tinge of guilt tried to creep in, but Maeyl quickly declared the devil that was trying to influence his thoughts a liar. After all, it had not been his fault, nor his decision, not to be a part of his child’s life.

Although he could have easily turned guilt into blame, blaming Sasha, the child’s mother, he chose not to. Sakaya had been the product of a one night stand between a stripper and a tipper. Just as easily as Maeyl had slipped into Sasha’s bed on the same night they’d met, he’d slipped away, not even leaving his contact information. Unbeknownst to him, he’d left behind something far greater than that.

Ashamed at how the child was conceived? Yes, he was. Ashamed of the child? Not in a million years. Fatherhood was becoming to Maeyl. It was becoming to Tamarra also: becoming a pain in the butt.

“Isn’t she just the sweetest little girl you’ve ever known?” Maeyl asked Tamarra, who sat in the passenger seat. His eyes remained glued on his little girl.

“Oh, yes,” Tamarra replied in a singsong voice. “She’s something, all right.” Tamarra looked back at the little girl and tried to muster up the same joy Maeyl was so obviously filled with. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t to save her life.

“Just think, it won’t be long before she becomes your little girl too.” Maeyl looked over to his fiancée. “You’re about to become a mommy. Aren’t you excited?”

Tamarra remained silent as she turned back around to face the road. That’s when she realized that Maeyl’s question hadn’t been rhetorical. He was looking at her…waiting on her to tell him just how absolutely beside herself she was to inherit a stepdaughter. God had truly brought her through so much. Did she repay Him now by allowing a lie to roll off of her tongue and then repent later? Or did she tell her husband-to-be the honest to God truth that the last thing she ever wanted in life was to deal with a man with a baby? Which meant, of course, there was a baby’s momma to go along with it, and baby’s momma drama to top it all off.

God had been too good for her to become a slave to the father of sin by worshipping Satan with a lie. When she accepted Maeyl’s proposal to marry him, she knew it was a package deal; she would have to accept his daughter as well. Eventually, she figured, she could, but in the meantime, she had come up with the ol’ “fake it until you make it” master plan. Seeing as how drama class had not been one of her electives in high school, she didn’t know how believably she could play the role, so before she was found out, she might as well come clean now. And if Maeyl chose not to go forth with the marriage, then so be it. Besides, going into a marriage based on a lie was not a good foundation to build upon.

“You’re so excited about becoming Sakaya’s other mommy that you’re speechless, huh?” Maeyl asked Tamarra.

“Maeyl,” Tamarra started, her head down, eyes locked on her fumbling fingers. “About Sakaya and becoming her stepmother and all, I—”

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The blaring horn from the car behind them interrupted their conversation.

“Oh, shoot!” Maeyl looked up in front of him. “Green light.” He drove off. “Speaking of green light, Sasha said that Sakaya’s doctor gave her the green light to go ahead and enroll into regular pre-school. No special educational needs classes or anything. Just regular schooling with regular kids.” Maeyl beamed. “I wish I could find that woman who laid hands on Sakaya and prayed for her after the doctor diagnosed her with symptoms of autism. Her obedience to what the Lord told her to do changed my little girl’s life. That woman laid healing hands on my child and changed the course of her life. It’s a miracle. My Sakaya is a miracle, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.”

“Not even me?” Tamarra thought the color would drain from her oak-with-gloss-finish complexion. It was times like these she wished she wore makeup in order to add a little color to her face. She nervously ran her fingers through her short, natural hair that she’d started growing out.

“Excuse me?” Maeyl wasn’t sure if he’d actually heard the words come out of Tamarra’s mouth.

Tamarra couldn’t believe the words had actually come out. She’d only meant to think the words, not speak them out loud. She looked over to see Maeyl give her a quick glare. He looked at her as if she were a stranger. She felt awful. She wanted to tell Maeyl the truth about how she felt about his newfound daughter, but not this way. Not so crude and blunt.

She looked up and silently said to God, Forgive me, Lord, for I know exactly what I’m about to do. She then looked to Maeyl. “I said ‘Not even me.’ Not even myself… Not even I would trade Sakaya for anything in the world.” Then came the fake laugh. “Ahe-he.”

Maeyl exhaled. “Sweetie, you don’t know how good it makes me feel to hear you say that.” He leaned over, keeping his eyes on the road, twisted his lips, and planted a kiss on Tamarra’s cheek. “That’s why you’re one of my favorite girls.” He then happily drove up the road.

Tamarra turned her head in disgust. Already she’d gone from being Maeyl’s favorite girl to just one of his favorite girls. Now she couldn’t help but wonder who ranked the highest. Who was Maeyl’s most favorite: her or Punky Brewster back there?

Tamarra shook her head in shame. She was a grown woman. She couldn’t believe she was comparing herself to a little girl who was just a month shy of turning four. But what was even worse, she knew that if she kept living this lie, she’d spend the next fourteen years competing with this child as well. She wouldn’t have peace and security in her and Maeyl’s relationship until the child turned eighteen and headed off to college.

The entire situation was driving her stir crazy. She should have gotten out of this relationship when she could, before Maeyl proposed and she accepted. That day she met him at the park with the intentions of breaking things off, she should have just told him. But before she knew it, he’d proposed, she’d accepted, and he’d slipped that beautiful ring on her finger.

Tamarra looked down at the two carat diamond engagement ring. On the day he’d given it to her, the bling on it had her caught like a deer in headlights. It was so beautiful. She’d never had a ring that beautiful. Not even that low down, cheating, having a baby on the side ex-husband of hers had invested in such a gem.

I wonder if I break off the engagement if I’d have to give the ring back. Tamarra flushed that gold-digging thought out of her head quick, fast, and in a hurry, not even knowing where it had come from. She’d never had that type of mindset before when it came to men, so what was going on inside that head of hers now?

She might not have known what was going on inside her head, but she definitely knew what was going on inside of her heart. Too bad her head and her heart just couldn’t get on one accord. Why couldn’t her heart feel the same way about Maeyl’s little girl as it did for the man himself? Perhaps she could just fast and pray, asking God to work on her heart so that eventually it would.

With their wedding date set for late spring/early summer, she knew she only had a few months to get it together. Was that enough time to fall in love with Maeyl’s daughter just as easily as she had fallen in love with him?