Читать книгу Love, Honor or Stray: - E.N. Joy - Страница 17

“Mother, I don’t know what kind of game you and Raymond are playing, but I promise you, you won’t win,” Tamarra spat through the phone. She sat on her bed, pointing with each word she said as if her mother could see her.

Her mother had barely gotten out the word “hello” when she’d answered the phone before Tamarra dug into her tough. For the past two days, Tamarra had been trying to get a hold of her mother, ever since the book club event she and Unique had catered. Her phone calls to her mother had gone unanswered, and her voice messages had gone unreturned. It didn’t feel good being on the other end of the stick, being the one getting ignored. Now that she had finally gotten her mother on the line by blocking her phone number, she could no longer contain her composure.

“Hello to you too, daughter,” Mrs. Evans replied. She silently snapped her finger, upset that she’d gotten caught off guard by her daughter’s call. She’d been deliberately avoiding Tamarra the last couple of days in an attempt to get her words in order. “What’s got you so uptight?” As if she didn’t already know.

“Please don’t act like you didn’t foresee this call coming, Mother,” Tamarra seethed. “I just can’t believe it. You’ve done it again. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want any parts of that man?”

“She’s your blood, for crying out loud,” Mrs. Evans countered, making it clear to Tamarra that her mother knew the exact reason behind her phone call.

“Humph, so I see you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Tamarra shook her head. “And see, initially, I had the nerve to give you the benefit of the doubt. That’s why I didn’t even mention her to you last month when I talked to you. And here you’ve known all along.”

“Yes, I have known, but believe me when I say that I had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with it. It was her very own decision to come there. I neither encouraged her nor discouraged her. She just felt that it was time.”

“Why is it that I make one little baby step and forgive you, and now you think that I’m able to take giant leaps? I’m barely crawling my way through this forgiveness thing and you think I’m capable of a marathon. I just don’t get you, Mom.”

“Please, Tamarra. Really, now. Do you think that after all we’ve just been through with me trying to make you deal with your brother that I would play a part in having you deal with your brother’s daughter? I know I’m only a babe in Christ, but I know how to get out of God’s way, that’s for sure.” Mrs. Evans sounded highly offended. Yes, she knew that her granddaughter had planned on visiting Tamarra in an attempt to ignite a relationship between the two, but she hadn’t influenced her in any way. She’d asked God to keep her out of His way, but in His will. And that’s just what He’d done. Even when her granddaughter called her crying after the initial ice cold encounter she’d had with Tamarra, all God had permitted her to do was to soothe the girl with comforting words. She’d been proud of herself for her obedience. And even though the Bible said that obedience was better than sacrifice, she hoped she hadn’t sacrificed an opportunity to play a role in mending her family

Even with her mother almost sounding convincing, Tamarra couldn’t be too sure. “Mother, do you swear you didn’t put that girl up to coming here to Ohio and trying to make a connection with me?”

“I don’t swear, but I’ll promise you. I promise I had nothing to do with Raygene coming to Ohio. It’s something she wanted to do.”

“Well, you raised the child. Didn’t you teach her to call first before she shows up at someone’s house?”

“You wouldn’t talk to her father, so she knew you wouldn’t talk to her. She thought that maybe if she just showed up—you seeing her in the flesh and all—that things would turn out better. And I promise you, I didn’t put her up to it.”

Tamarra was convinced, but she still wasn’t letting her mother off the hook. “But you knew about it, and you didn’t warn me.”

“Well, I tried to warn you, both your brother and I tried. But remember, you didn’t want to talk to him, and you didn’t want me to talk about anything that had to do with him. That was the whole reason why he had been trying to talk to you on the three-way. Raygene had been speaking more and more about you, about wanting to get closer to you and possibly bringing the family together.”

“That’s why you should have never told her,” Tamarra stated. “I begged you not to tell her.”

“She deserved to know, Tamarra. She deserved to know why you don’t want anything to do with her. Besides, what’s done is done. Raymond knew it was only a matter of time before Raygene made the attempt to see you. I mean, with her moving to Ohio and all to go to school, he knew it wasn’t something she’d be able to leave alone. Not with you that close by to her.”

Mrs. Evans paused then continued. “Raymond just wanted you to welcome his little girl with open arms and not hold against her what he did to you.” Mrs. Evans sounded more sincere than ever. “He just wanted to make sure that Raygene doesn’t have to pay for her father’s sins, is all. From the sound of things, she’s paying, all right.”

Tamarra rubbed the hand that wasn’t gripped around the phone down her face. She was tired of the entire situation regarding her brother, which is why she’d killed him in her mind so many years ago. It was in her mind where she battled daily not to wish that he was dead in real life.

“The girl just wants a relationship with you.” Her mother spoke to the sighs and breathing coming from Tamarra’s end of the phone.

“Well, I don’t want a relationship with that girl,” Tamarra was quick to reply. She heard her own voice. It sounded so sharp and cold. “Not now,” she lied, just so her mother wouldn’t think she was a total monster. What she was really thinking was Not ever!

“Is that what you told her?”

“No, but I wish I had. Then maybe she’d get the clue and quit stalking me.”

“Stalking you?” Mrs. Evans was confused.

“Yes, stalking me,” Tamarra confirmed. “I thought I’d seen the last of her when she showed up at my place unannounced last month, but then just a couple of days ago, I’m all set to serve some women at a book club event, and lo and behold, when I enter the room, there she is amongst the women. I guess it didn’t take her long to make friends here in Ohio.”

“Oh my, that had to be a shocker,” her mother empathized.

“You’re telling me. My knees buckled. I had to grab a hold of my new hire to try to keep from falling.”

“You didn’t fall, did you?”

“No, but my relish tray did. How come every time I receive the shock of my life, a tray of food has to suffer for it?”

“Dear, I’m sure it was just a coincidence, her being there. It had to be.”

“I don’t know. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. I had my worker finish up, and I went back to help clean up after it was over.”

“Tamarra, honey, I really wish you would just give you and Raygene a cha—”

“Mom, I can’t. I can’t do it.” Tamarra got choked up. “I’m still healing. After all these years, I’m still healing.”

“Dear, that’s because you’ve been running all these years instead of just stopping to face things and deal with them. I know your father and I made a great mistake by making you believe that running was the right thing to do. And I can’t say I’m sorry enough. But I’ve forgiven myself. I’ve received your forgiveness, and I’ve received God’s. I’ve been set free. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, and my only regret is that it didn’t happen sooner. But for so many years I ran from it; I ran from the truth, thinking it was what held me captive. All the while it was the one thing that could set me free.” Mrs. Evans paused for a moment. “Baby, isn’t it about time you get set free too?”

Tamarra didn’t reply.

“Stop running. Just turn around and face it; not just one thing at a time, but everything at one time.”

“It sounds good, Mother, but I have to take this thing one step at a time.”

“Is that what God told you to do, or is that just how you want to do it?”

Tamarra had never really stopped and asked God exactly what He wanted her to do. She didn’t ask just in case she didn’t like His reply. She was giving new meaning to the term ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ If she didn’t ask God about her situation, then maybe He wouldn’t tell her.

“Look, Mother, I have to go. I’m sorry I snapped at you and all.”

“It’s okay. I know this is hard for you, dear. Seems like you get over one bridge and another is waiting. But we’ll get through it. With God’s help, we’ll get through it.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.” Tamarra ended the call then said to herself, “I don’t want to get through it. If at all possible, I’d prefer to go around it.”