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Ikigai is that thing in our lives that provides a delicious richness – it’s what gives life its meaning or, as the French might say, its raison d’être. There is a fire within us all; it may burn brighter in some than in others, and it may waver, but it can also return stronger, hotter and more powerful than ever, and it takes different things to stoke the flames for each of us.

According to a report in 2017 from the World Health Organization, Japan still leads the way for the longest and healthiest life expectancy globally, as it has done for many years.¹ There are, of course, several factors at play. Genetics, diet, lifestyle and an excellent healthcare system can account for most of it. If you ask a Japanese person, though, they would most likely attribute this trend for longevity to a strong work ethic and a certain frame of mind. Many societies can claim to have healthy diets and lifestyles, but the concept of ikigai, or purpose, is a key differentiator, and unique to Japanese culture.

After many false starts, my jiji (grandfather) finally retired at the age of seventy-three. My whole family, a little naively, assumed this meant we would see more of him during the week. For my jiji, though, enjoying his retirement still meant sitting on several boards as a director, giving advice, putting on a suit and having business meetings most days. He loved his work – he used to claim that he did it in order to keep his brain active. For him, his working life was what drove and motivated him – he took a lot of pride in it, and in how he was able to provide for his family as a result. The thought that he might stop working after retirement didn’t seem to occur to him. In fact, the only time I ever saw him unsure of himself or wavering in his convictions was whenever he was on the brink of retirement – the concept of idleness, or not working, was something he was extremely suspicious and wary of.

From my own experience, finding your ikigai isn’t something you come to consciously. It’s slowly revealed to you over time, in the moments that help you to get to know yourself. It’s never complete, and is constantly in flux. Relatively speaking, I’m still very much in the early stages of my journey, but I do get my ikigai through my work. I’m lucky enough to work with incredibly talented and inspirational people, and with causes that are actively helping to make the world a better place. Whether that is through the environment, improving people’s lives or making life fairer, the amazing charities that I am involved with make even the day-to-day frustrations worth it (because you can’t have the sweet without the bitter).

But the satisfaction and happiness I get from the work that I do wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t have confidence in myself. I have skills and expertise that I have worked hard to attain, and being able to share them in a small way is what motivates me to keep going, giving my work purpose. I am confident in my ability to do my job, whether that’s dealing with clients or through my own blog – and that gives me an immense amount of satisfaction.

But this isn’t something that comes easily, and it isn’t just about confidence. In fact, it takes a lot of soul-searching, and a lot of failures and a great deal of questioning and self-doubt to get there. Above all, it’s about being honest and reflecting on yourself and your behaviour: what makes you happy? What is important to you? Finding the answers to these questions over time can help you to realise what your driver is.

Finding your ikigai also calls for balance. As much joy as I get through work, it wouldn’t be enough to sustain me. A strong family connection, wonderful friendships and a beautiful little home all contribute towards making my ikigai richer and more meaningful. None of this is passively attained though. All relationships require a lot of effort and good communication; sustaining work and home requires compromise; and negativity, self-doubt and hardships are all facts of life. But your ikigai is what propels you forward in the darkest moments. Knowing the bad things will pass, and finding that element in your life that helps you achieve contentment is what ikigai is all about.

A few years ago, I made it onto a female leadership course where we had to outline our business plan and explain how it would drive our visions. The main thing that resonated with me was that while all our companies might evolve to offer different services over time, the overall vision that took us there, and that we were trying to attain, wouldn’t change. That really stuck with me. And the same applies to your ikigai as well: just because you know what drives you, doesn’t mean you should stay in your comfort zone, and focus on that solely. It’s something you can come back to, and you need to be challenged, and push the boundaries. But having a goal and a key driver is important. Think of ikigai as the fuel to your motor – you need to make the engine run.

How Do I Find My Ikigai?

Chances are, you already know what makes you happy – you just haven’t thought about it as something as grand as your ‘purpose for being’ (which might sound a little scary). Finding your ikigai is at the centre of who you are as a person, and is the result of a combination of factors. We are too often pushed to categorise ourselves into small buckets (‘What is your occupation?’ or the dreaded dinner-party opener, ‘So what is it that you do?’) or reduce our entire essence or personality down to 140 characters. While it can sometimes be a fun exercise, in reality, we are far too complex for that. There is a saying in Japanese: ‘ten people, ten colours’. And the truth is that everyone is different. We all prioritise different things, and one isn’t necessarily better than another – so some people may get their ikigai through their children, for example, while others get it through their work.

If you think of your life as a flower, then your ikigai is the centre, and is what holds it all together. The beauty of the flower comes from the sum of its parts: how beautiful the petals all look together. But individually, each petal represents a different facet in your life, and the things that transcend or tie them all together. One of the petals might be your profession, or your passion – or it could even be what helps you pay the bills each month. How do these facets impact each other? How can they (you) grow and gain strength? What can you improve?

Work

Admittedly, Japanese working culture doesn’t have the best reputation. Office workers in larger corporations are overloaded, the hours are long and there is a distinct lack of work/life balance. These are just some of the criticisms you will often hear, with karoshi, or death from overwork, being a real and serious problem in Japanese society that needs addressing.

There are a lot of positives to have come out of the Japanese working culture, though, and I definitely think they are worth bearing in mind and incorporating into your routine.

—Business cards

As someone who works in digital, I will often hand out my business card during a meeting, accompanied by a nervous laugh and a little joke (either, ‘Look how Japanese I am!’ or a reference to that scene from American Psycho, where they all compare their designs).

I ordered my first business card about a month after I graduated from university – all that was on it was my name, email address and mobile phone number.

It may seem like an outdated little ritual, but the number of opportunities that have arisen through handing my business card out has made me a full-blown convert.

Unlike a hastily written thank-you email after a meeting, the kind that will most likely get archived immediately after it’s read, a business card acts as a physical reminder of the person whose name is on it. I’m a real fan of the physical and tangible reminder – and a business card is just that.

—Process

We get into the nitty gritty of kaizen, or continuous improvement, later on, but suffice to say that many Japanese companies place a lot of focus on the process, and on ongoing improvement. It’s why praise doesn’t tend to get heaped on employees at Japanese companies – because the job is never really done. There is always something else to be learned; small, continuous improvements that can be made over time.

—Seeing colleagues outside of work

Part of the reason for the work/life balance stigma around Japanese working culture is the focus on nomikai – the after-work drinking, karaoke and socialising with colleagues that features so strongly. While I’m a big advocate for work/life balance, I do think there is so much you can get from seeing your co-workers outside work. It helps you build stronger relationships with them, find out a little bit more about what their motivations are and simply see them from another perspective. There’s nothing quite like dancing to Madonna with your boss and co-workers at a wedding to bring out a side of them you’d never see at your standard client meeting.

—Otsukaresama – gratitude for work

At the end of a long working day or week, you might say ‘otsukaresama!’ to your colleague or friend. Otsukaresama directly translates as ‘You’re tired’, but the essence is more about registering another’s hard work, and showing your appreciation and gratitude for it: ‘You’ve worked so hard you’re tired. I want you to know that it is acknowledged and appreciated.’

Otsukaresama is a tricky one for Westerners because telling someone that they are tired might be misinterpreted. At our weekly Monday-morning meetings, my colleagues and I give each other ‘snaps’: we highlight small wins and great work from the week before; this usually becomes the best part of our meetings, putting us in the right frame of mind to start the week.

—Self-care

Taking care of yourself is key to productivity. We’re not robots. (Well, not quite yet, anyway … That might be something for the next book!)

Taking breaks, in particular, is vital. I find that I am much more productive when I take time out of my schedule to do some exercise – it’s so effective at releasing pressure and tension for me, and I always produce better-quality work with a clearer head as a result.

Love

It makes the world go round, right?

—Your friendships

It’s always good to know who will be there to bat for you when times are bad. The old adage rings true for me, and that realisation has brought me so much clarity. But remember that friendships need to go both ways, and also to focus on quality, rather than quantity. I’ve taken more time over the years to focus and cultivate the relationships that are reciprocal, and it’s saved me a lot of heartache. Having said that, it’s also important to never shut the door on anyone, as you never know what struggles they may be hiding from the outside world.

Friendship is also about being able to have those difficult conversations! Your closest friends are just that because they’re not afraid to call you out – and you should, too. If you care about a person, you have a responsibility to hold them accountable (and they you); ultimately, it makes for a stronger bond.

Technology and social media are great tools for maintaining friendships and keeping in contact, but it can feel a little contrived at times. When I was younger, my friends and I would share a koukan nikki, or a friendship swap diary, to document our best, worst and funniest moments of the school day. These diaries were readily available, usually with pre-printed categories to be filled in. Each friend would take a day, fill out a page, and pass it on the next day to the next friend. Then, over lunch, when we gathered together, we would share the most hilarious or cringe-inducing of the previous week. While it’s not really that sustainable for adult working life, I’m more than a little tempted to bring it back to document our next group holiday (I think it would be perfect at a music festival).

—Your romantic life

There are two ways to define what we mean as ‘love’ in Japanese: koi and ai:

• Koi – romantic love

Koi differs from ai in that it is mostly driven from the self; it can go in one direction, and can be unreciprocated. Romantic love, longing, desire, wanting, infatuation – these are all ‘koi’.

• Ai – all-encompassing love

Unlike koi, which can be selfish, ai is not. A parent’s love would be described in this way. It is a mutual, unshakeable love. A good way of differentiating the two is that while koi is always wanting or seeking, ai is always giving.

—The big confession

Unlike most Western relationships (and I’m generalising massively over here), a lot of Japanese romantic relationships start with a big confession, known as kokuhaku. Usually, one person will profess their love for the other right at the start, with the intention (and hope) that it is reciprocated. The kokuhaku is then either accepted or rejected by the other person. There is something quite refreshing about putting all your cards on the table (even if it does seem like you’re coming on a little strong).

Getting a response after a confession of this kind can be a long process, and none more than around the period of ‘Valentine’s Day’ and ‘White Day’. On Valentine’s Day, people (usually women) give chocolates to the object of their affections. There is then an excruciating month-long wait until White Day (14 March), when they see what they get in return. The agony of that wait – eek! As if that wasn’t already enough of an emotional minefield, you might be the recipient of ‘giri-choco’, which refers to chocolate given out of social obligation. Better you than me, my friends.

Family

Family life is incredibly important – and thanks to the long life expectancy in Japan, most families will have very close intergenerational relationships.

—Remembering those that have gone

The way family members and ancestors are memorialised in Japan keeps the presence and impact they had in life alive, and also helps to give them a role, even after their passing. Most homes will have a butsudan, or a small shrine, dedicated to a lost loved one, with candlesticks, a bell, incense and a platform on which to place offerings in the form of food, like rice or tea.

Immediately after a relative has died, there are several ceremonies that take place, as well as annually, on the anniversary of their death, until the fiftieth year. While it might sound a tad morbid, in reality it is an incredibly lovely way of remembering someone. Once the formal ceremony has taken place, recounting memories of that person and their impact on your life is a beautiful and wonderful thing. Rather than tears of grief, I usually end up doubled over in fits of laughter over hilarious memories (which is the reaction I’m sure I’d want to leave behind). This tradition is one I’ve carried over to my English family, too, usually over a Sunday roast dinner around the time of my late British grandfather’s birthday.

Environment

Finding contentment and happiness in your surroundings is a massive contributor to your overall happiness. We are, after all, the products of our environment.

—Cleaning up

It still amazes me every time I go back to Japan how little litter there is in the centre of Tokyo, especially given that there never seems to be a rubbish bin around when I need one! Respect for communal space is strongly ingrained in the Japanese, and cigarette smokers will even walk around with portable ashtrays, so they don’t litter the streets.

—Home

There are entire YouTube channels dedicated to the way clothes are folded in Japan, and a focus on de-cluttering and organisation are definitely an important part of daily life. They save time, make you more efficient and look better – in my opinion, everyone needs to get on board with this one.

Respect

It’s when I take public transport in Japan that I notice the level of respect for others the most. The majority of people will switch their phones to ‘manner mode’ (a silent, non-disruptive setting), conversations take place in subdued tones and people are always quick to give up their seat to anyone whose need is greater. Could someone please send this memo to Transport for London?

While I’m on the subject, if you see someone who needs a seat, be sure to stand up for them. And even if you can’t offer them a seat, you can always ask loudly if they need one (that way, other passengers usually look up from their phones).

—Respecting your elders

Elderly relatives tend to move in with their younger ones, and having several generations living under one roof is a fairly common phenomenon. There is a lot of cultural cache in respecting your elders – so much so that there’s even a day dedicated to it (the third Monday of September every year, known as Respect for the Aged Day).

Self

In order to keep motivated, and work most effectively, self-care and achieving balance are so important. In the past, I’ve been guilty of neglecting this and the fallout has been less than pretty. Keeping active, eating well, keeping your mind fit and reflecting on your actions are all vital parts of self-care, and are just as important as the other stuff.

—Cycling

Cycling in Japan is an absolute joy. I found cycling in Kyoto in particular so much fun, and the best way to explore the sprawling city from temple to temple. You tend to find everyone – from kids to little old ladies – on their bikes, and usually without the need for helmets or lights, as drivers tend to give cyclists the room and respect they need to cycle safely. And it’s not uncommon to see bikes parked outside train stations unlocked, as their owners commute to work confident in the belief that their bike will most likely be there when they return. While I wouldn’t recommend going without helmets or lights, or leaving your bike unchained, cycling is a great way to keep fit and active and to get from A to B, while saving money and doing your bit for the environment.

—Calisthenics

Calisthenics, or radio taiso, are broadcast on NHK (the national broadcaster) public radio around 6.30 a.m. every single day. The movements are gentle, and seem to become ingrained in your psyche (even mine, and I have two left feet, no sense of rhythm and terrible muscle memory for movement).

It’s pretty common for radio taiso to be used at school as part of a warm-up for gym or PE class, but many companies still get their employees to practise it, too. Getting your muscles going in the morning can really help you wake up and stay focused. You can even do most of the moves sitting down, so there really is no excuse not to do it!

—Sudoku

An important part of self-care is keeping your brain engaged and on top fighting form. Sudoku is one of the ways in which you can do this.

Sudoku is a logic-based puzzle, in which you have to place numbers between one and nine in every line and box within nine three-by-three grids, without repeating any numbers within the grids or the columns.

—Haiku

If numbers aren’t your thing, then maybe words are. Challenge and stimulate yourself intellectually by writing haiku: follow a three-line format, in which the first and last lines have five syllables and the middle has seven. Within these constraints, try and juxtapose two ideas or sensory images. These could be colours, sounds, flavours, or temperatures, possibly set against emotions like love, fear, anger or joy. The juxtaposition should help to create the mood, or atmosphere, between the ‘human’ and ‘natural’ worlds, for example, or to reference a time of year or season without explicitly saying when it is.

A haiku typically should elicit an emotional response, or evoke a feeling of some kind. It’s a subtle art, and emotions should be conveyed subtly, rather than being stated bluntly or overtly. Like putting together a menu, referencing the time of year, or seasons, usually goes down well. Write from personal experience – it should be sincere; so if you’ve never worked a day in the mines, then a haiku about a hard day down the mines kind of defeats the purpose.

In a way, I feel like all writing is created to be read (otherwise, what are we doing it for?), but in many ways a haiku can feel too personal – and working within the constraints of brevity, subtlety and seasonality are challenging enough without having the added pressure to share. Don’t feel you have to do so, if you don’t want to – there is something luxurious and a little indulgent about creating it for your eyes only.

—Gratitude

Having a positive attitude and demeanour can make such a difference in all of your relationships, professional or otherwise. It’s easier said than done, though, and on those days when nothing seems to be going your way, you can all too readily let those minor annoyances build up and get to you.

I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for a while now, and it really does work wonders. I write three things a day I’ve felt grateful for, including the days when it’s seemed hopeless, I’ve always found something, even if it is as mundane as hanging my clothes outside to dry. Here are some sample entries from some of the bad days:

Grateful for pineapple

Grateful for going to the gym

Grateful for early nights

They are so much fun to read (and now I can’t even remember what was so horrible about that day in the first place).

—Up and at ’em!

The word ‘ganbare’ encapsulates the spirit of how to summon up motivation. It’s a combination of ‘do your best’ and ‘don’t give up’, and captures the enthusiasm and passion you need to keep going sometimes – to keep the end goal in sight.

Ganbare represents an attitude, or the spirit of determination and perseverance. You might hear it chanted at marathons, for example, as an expression of encouragement and solidarity.

Finding your purpose and your ikigai can help you find contentment in that it allows you to be more focused. Rather than being distracted or consumed by the smaller daily frustrations we all encounter, your ikigai brings the most important aspects to the fore and, in so doing, it can help you let go. It can also help you to be more empathetic towards others, realising that everyone is motivated differently, and that one way isn’t necessarily more ‘right’ or more valid than another.

Ultimately, finding your ikigai can help you to be more productive with your time, by paying attention to the most important aspects of your life – whether that’s building a home, spending time with your family or getting to where you want to be in your career.

Japonisme: Ikigai, Forest Bathing, Wabi-sabi and more

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