Читать книгу Bipolar II - (Beyond The Unhappy Diagnosis And Into A Happy Life) - Evelyn Tomson - Страница 5

BAR can be a seasonal illness. My doctor advised me to be careful especially in spring and autumn times. She had also said that I have to take my medication – usually just 1 pill, the so-called mood stabilizer. I was taking Depakine Chrono 500 gr. then. And I was feeling quite OK for some time until in early spring I started listening to the texts of the songs very intensively. I mostly listened to English songs and I sometimes made connections with the text as referring to me, or a scene from a film as referring to me. Until then I had not experienced a manic episode so I kind of liked being with sharpened senses and thinking precisely…I just noticed that I sleep less hours though I had nothing to worry about. It was my last year of University…But probably the lack of sleep played a trick on me. I am not sure exactly how it started but I had the feeling of being pursued at some point. The other interesting thing was that I was not afraid or something but I thought that all cars in dark grey or black were pursuing me. And I walked for hours around my university town, restless and not knowing who to call for help, would he/she understand me and believe me.

I read that if you do not sleep enough you get tired at some point and then you get micro-sleep moments. Not when you are in mania! Nor do you fall in hypo-thermia…like they described in a test they made with soldiers, who were left without sleep for 48 hours or so and they developed one of these conditions or both of them: the micro-sleep and hypo-thermia. (I had read about this n a book.)

The important thing is to stop yourself, if you can and try and rest. Going home and staying in bed is the best option. Something I did not do and following a bad scenario, I made a small mess, my family found out about it and I had to be referred to a doctor. I already had my first depressive episode and with this episode of mania the doctor had every reason to decide I was Bipolar. It is not something pleasant to hear, and back then in 1996 you almost looked like an alien, trying to understand and not finding enough information – only the bits the doctor told you. That it is intellectual, that you should not give up or despair, that it is treatable… But try and explain it to your family…It is difficult…for the same reason…lack of information in those years. I remember my doctor was so kind and so encouraging. She said that it is individual and with the proper attitude and a working treatment things can stay under control for a long time. She did not even register the case. I had not got a file in my name. We used my father’s name in the beginning. Like I said the doctor was hoping it will not repeat itself. Now when I think of it, it is much easier because I have my own experiences, but it was my first case of mania, so it was natural not to know what is better to be done. Also having all the latest information from the sites and all through the years, I can say I am probably Bipolar II, like Mariah Carey’s, for my mania episodes are of short duration, so they are more or less hypo-mania ones.