Читать книгу Confession… A fairy tale in the style of sentimental cynicism - Evgeniy Limanskiy - Страница 7

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…Buying black caviar for the New Year is quite a separate and entertaining story and it is reasonable to give a few words on it. For some time, I began to pay attention to the fact that the Internet is literally littered with offers of selling the caviar. It looks like the caviar is the most popular and demanded product today. However, I do not risk trusting in this important issue to the Internet. First, it is because of my age and already some conservatism. Second, and perhaps most important, it is absolutely unacceptable to entrust the solution of such an important issue to a system that cannot convey neither taste nor smell of the product. Although, in accordance with the trends of modern time I, of course, use the Internet when buying goods, products and services. But at the same time in my, as, indeed, many other people, online shopping practice there were a couple of cases when in fact I received by the Internet delivery absolutely not what I wanted. At the same time, I do not even take cases of outright fraud, which are present in abundance on the Internet just want to say that for the choice of the product by its image and even by the most high-quality image, and even more so edible product of eyesight, as the only sense organ, it is not enough. In order to fully understand what you are buying, and not to make a mistake, all the sense organs should be involved. Even if you buy simple sneakers for five hundred rubles, you need at least to feel how they fit on the foot, and even more so if we are talking about a product that costs as minimum a dollar per gram. In addition, two more points. Oddly enough, the Internet caviar prices are not the lowest, and besides on the Internet the purchase procedure is a trivial process: order-delivery-payment. And buying caviar in the wholesale market turns into a sacrament and a solemn procedure of pre-NYE YEAR preparation.

Yes, about the last ten years I have been buying black caviar for the New Year in one the same place, from well-known already to me owner of the fish pavilion in the wholesale market. I have here several undeniable bonuses and advantages. First, despite the fact that I buy caviar there a maximum two times a year, I have long been listed as his VIP client, and have the appropriate privileged attitude in full, which undoubtedly flatters my ego. In addition, I understand that the seller sees in me if not a professional, then, in any case, an advanced user, and accordingly respects this my status. Therefore, every buying process becomes, in some sort, the little match of professionals. Seeing me in the General queue (for the New Year the queue for delicacies is obvious), the owner delicately takes me aside, and making sure that the black caviar and this time included in my food basket, leads me further into a small niche behind the fridge, where there is a small table for testing the product. And here the most important mystery begins. It is clear that the purchase procedure includes a mandatory test of my professionalism, a kind of annual certification as a connoisseur of black caviar. As with the wave of a magic wand from somewhere in the bowels of the pavilion first half-kilo jar appears, of course, of the standard state sample. Meanwhile the owner without fail informs me place of origin. All the main places of origin of caviar are known. As a rule, caviar by origin can be Astrakhan, Dagestan, Azerbaijani, Kazakh, Turkmen, Khazar and Iranian. However, sometimes there are more exotic variants, such as Israeli, Ukrainian or Siberian. The only one of possible I have not yet met Chinese caviar, although I know for sure that it exists. About Israel and Khazar caviar I will notice separately. When I first saw Israeli caviar, of course, I was very surprised and checked on the Internet. It turns out that Israel is now one of the first places in the world for the production of black caviar. Sturgeon there respectively bred in ponds and, apparently, more than fifteen years, because just this period is necessary for the female sturgeon to reach sexual maturity. My fellow, a lawyer in the specialty, living in Israel, then confirmed this information by. A few more words about the Khazar caviar. This name does not exist in nature, and we use it here for reasons of tolerance and political correctness. Because it is not necessary to offend the whole Nation, if on its territory and its representatives carried out (I hope very much that I can talk about it in the past time) one of the most heinous environmental barbarities in history. Perhaps we will dwell on this issue a little later in the paragraph about the Volga hydroelectric power station named after the XXII Congress of the CPSU.

The procedure of caviar testing begins. The seller carefully removes the fixing gum, opens the jar so as not to disturb the shape of the layer of caviar rising above the edges of the jar, and with the help of a plastic spatula a few eggs are caught by an experienced hand. Exactly one gram, that is, respectively, on the dollar. Also, slowly and carefully he passes the spatula with eggs to me. I also solemnly and slowly accept from his hands a spatula and wise these several eggs in my mouth. It is clear that this is the first jar that the seller presents to me for expert evaluation, of the worst and cheapest. Although, the fact is not one hundred percent exact because this test is not only caviar, but also me, as an expert. In any case, regardless of my real opinion about this first sample, I, after a minute savoring and for the testing procedure to continue, just have to curl my lips and reproachfully look at the seller.

– You mock me, my dear, – my eyes and twisted lips express. To speak it is not necessary, everything is so clear, – Why do you propose me some shit? Give me the real product.

He carefully closes and seals the first jar and pulls out, and opens the next. It already costs one or two thousand rubles more. However, it can cost the same, but another manufacturer. One by one, I test 4—5 five cans. Accordingly, during the testing I have eaten caviar for four or five dollars. The testing procedure is over, the most important moment of truth and the final choice comes. Accordingly, I make this choice. The easiest way to choose the most expensive jar, exactly you would not be mistaken, the difference from the lower price will be up to five thousand in increasing. More often, I do just this way, but sometimes I stop at the intermediate version, relying entirely on my taste buds and sense of smell. Finally, the choice is made and the jar is postponed. After that, a few more fish and crab delicacies are sent to the shopping cart, and then the total calculation is made. When I hear the final amount, my eyes indignantly rounded, it is also included in the bidding procedure. The seller, following the law of the transaction, adds to the food basket as a bonus another delicacy, of those that I wanted to buy, but for some reason did not dare. After all this the final bargain already comes, as a result of which I try to recapture another three to four thousand rubles, that is about ten to fifteen percent, but we usually agree on half of the requested discounts and satisfied with ourselves we part with the best congratulations and wishes for at least six months. These greetings and best wishes are very simple and concise, and include the following:

– My friend, we have not met exactly a year, but as we can see, in our status for this year, nothing has changed for the worse. Therefore, I wish both of us to meet here in one more year and on the same occasion.

That is, in this case, the very caviar itself is the determinant of a certain prosperous life status and success.