Читать книгу The Century Handbook of Writing - Garland Greever - Страница 21

11. Do not encumber the main idea of a sentence with superfluous details. Place some of the details in another sentence, or omit them.

 Faulty: In the town in which I live there are several large churches, and about six o'clock one morning, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

 Right: In my home town there are several large churches. One morning about six o'clock, in a violent storm, one of these churches was struck by lightning.

 Wrong: In 1836, in Baltimore, Poe married Virginia Clemm, his cousin, who was hardly more than a child, being then fourteen years old, while Poe himself was twenty-eight, and to her he wrote much of his best verse.

 Right: In 1836 Poe married Virginia Clemm. Poe was then twenty-eight, and Virginia was only fourteen. To this girl Poe wrote much of his best verse.

Exercise:

1 The house with the red tile roof is the finest in the city, and is owned by Mr. Saunders, who made his money speculating in land.

2 Then the engine tilted and fell over on one side, and the boiler exploded and added to the frightful scene.

3 The deer whose antlers you see over the fireplace as you enter the room was shot by my Uncle Will, who is now in South America on a hunting expedition.

4 The seeds, which have previously been soaked in water over night, are now planted carefully, not too deep, in straight rows sixteen inches apart, the best time being in April, when the ground is soft and has been thoroughly spaded.

5 One day last week my employer, Mr. Conway, a jolly, peculiar man, raised my salary, first telling me I was about to be discharged, and laughing at me when I looked so surprised.