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Chapter Two:

Angry

“Anger is really disappointed hope.”

~ Erica Jong

“It is the growling man who lives a dog’s life.”

~ Coleman Cox

If you have been in business for any length of time, you have dealt with an angry client. It may be due to personal issues, the client’s mental health, a full moon, or one of a hundred other reasons. But the cold fact of the matter is that when you deal with the public, some of those people are going to be angry.

Is it up to you to solve the angry client’s problem or meet his or her needs? Maybe not. Are all angry clients toxic? Not necessarily. They may be justified in their anger, and by employing some of the strategies we will discuss here, you can work toward building a more productive relationship.

But some angry people are displaying the first indications of toxicity. And once you learn how to recognize that, you can send them on their way.

Case No. 3: The Dermatologist

The shrill woman on the other end of the telephone line was angry and abusive. She was enraged about not being able to book an appointment at the dermatologist’s office.

Dr. Sarah Adams shared her practice with three other dermatologists. Their typical client was a woman between the ages of 30 and 50 who was seeking cosmetic services such as Botox and collagen treatments, facials, chemical peels, and laser hair removal. These clients came in because they wanted to look younger, healthier and more attractive.

Dr. Adams’ husband, Kenny Adams, helped manage the office. So on this day, when the receptionist finally couldn’t take any more screaming from the angry woman on the phone, she put the woman on hold and asked Kenny to deal with the caller who was demanding to be seen because she had a wart, and wouldn’t accept that the office was booked two months in advance.

Adams picked up the call and calmly explained to the angry woman that he was the office manager and that an appointment could only be made when there was an opening. Unfortunately, he said, the doctors in this office were in high demand. He encouraged her to call around to see if another dermatologist could see her sooner.

“No, I want to see Dr. Adams!” she screamed. Then she began insulting Kenny, calling him “ridiculous,” “stubborn,” and “unprofessional.”

Kenny managed to control his temper, realizing that directing anger back at her would certainly not help the situation. But his calm demeanor only resulted in further torrents of insults.

After several minutes of listening calmly to the woman, Kenny employed a firm tone and said, “Ma’am, I can’t help you if you yell and scream at me or call me abusive names. We don’t book appointments for people who act in an angry or abusive manner.”

“Yes, sir!” said the woman, sarcastically.

“We treat our patients with respect, and we expect the same thing in return,” Kenny continued.

“Yes, sir!” she repeated.

It was at this point that Kenny realized this was a lost cause. She was a Toxic Client who behaved irrationally. He decided not to proceed with helping her. “If you can’t schedule an appointment with another doctor, call us back,” Kenny told her. “But this doesn’t sound like an emergency, so we can only give you the next available opening.”

At this, the woman hung up. Kenny never heard from her again.

The previous story illustrates an important first step for dealing with an angry client: Listen calmly.

As tempting as it might be to avoid angry clients (“Maybe if I ignore it or walk away, the client will cool off”) it is not a useful business strategy. The client may cool off momentarily, but it doesn’t eliminate the problem. It only postpones it. And if he or she doesn’t cool off, you risk that client filing complaints or spreading bad word-of-mouth. While positive word-of-mouth is great for business, negative word-of-mouth gets spread at a far greater rate, and is downright damaging to your company. You want to avoid it, but sometimes with a Toxic Client – you just can’t.

Was Kenny Adams’ caller justified in her anger? No. Was Kenny’s response, to calmly listen, the right one? Absolutely. The soundest business advice is to deal with angry clients right away, to do what you can to rectify the situation before you potentially lose business. Of course, Kenny’s angry caller could very well go disparage the dermatology practice to all her friends. There’s nothing he can do about that. But he can rest easy in the knowledge that he did what he could to address and solve the problem. That’s all any of us can do.

The first step is empathy. Often, the biggest part of anger is frustration at not being heard or understood. Stand in their shoes for a moment. If appropriate, say that you understand why they are upset and that you would be upset too in such a situation. Listen, maintain eye contact, and without any other distraction be attentive to their personal matter.

Empathy has a way of defusing anger. At this point, a reasonable person would think, “OK, good, at least someone gets how important this is to me.” If the person is still unreasonable, that’s a whole other issue.

When people acknowledge that they’ve made mistakes and accept responsibility, others’ estimation of them tends to go up. We respect such actions. If a mistake has been made, simply saying, “I’m sorry” can go a long way toward impressing the client and eliminating some of that anger that’s being directed at you. If no mistake has been made the empathetic statement “I understand” can be very helpful.

Let the client get it all out. Don’t be critical of a person’s anger or try to contain it, and don’t interrupt. Venting allows people to deflate the problem themselves. The client may come to realize they’ve blown it all out of proportion, and they will accept any resolution you offer. After venting the pent up anger will dissipate. So don’t discourage it or cut it off. Let the balloon of anger fully deflate.

Once you’ve come to this point of the conversation, you can begin to deal with the issue. The first question you should ask is “What would you like me to do to help you?” It’s a simple question that is often overlooked, but it gets to the heart of problem-solving. It’s possible that the client doesn’t know what he or she wants you to do. Take this opportunity to clarify what’s really being requested and begin to solve the problem.

Proceed calmly. Be the rational one. Explain the alternatives that are available to you that get closest to meeting the client’s needs. Ask questions. For instance, Kenny Adams might ask, “Can I take your number and call you if we have a cancellation?”, “I’m interested in knowing why you aren’t happy with any of our other doctors; how can I resolve that for you?”, or “Are you sure I can’t refer you to another great doctor with greater availability?”

Here’s a situation that illustrates how effective this simple technique can be.

Case No. 4: The Salesperson

John Minden was Ellen Bay’s best customer. He accounted for almost 30 percent of her yearly sales, and she always took steps to maintain an open and positive relationship with him. When Minden called her with a big order, she dropped everything and went directly to his office. She promised a three-week turnaround and promptly turned in the order to her production department.

Three weeks later, Bay dropped in to make sure all was well with her client. It was at that point that Bay first learned what her production department had already told Minden: The model he had ordered was no longer available.

Minden was livid. Bay had never seen such anger in her client. But because he was a client that mattered to her, Bay used all her skills to see the argument through with John.

First, she dealt with his anger in the only way possible, which was understanding that she simply couldn’t control another person’s anger, so it wasn’t wise even to try. She was cautious not to be critical of it or try to contain it. Instead, she allowed Minden’s anger to vent.

As he calmed down, Bay made it clear that she empathized with him. She used phrases such as, “I understand how you feel,” and “I’d be angry if the same thing happened to me.”

Bay then decided that the anger would not affect the relationship. This was a crucial step; instead of interpreting Minden’s anger as a sign of his toxicity, she determined that he was a client worth keeping. She told him, “Your business is important to me. I appreciate your candor in this situation. I will work even harder to make this relationship work and resolve this problem.”

Eventually, John Minden calmed down and, seeing Bay’s willingness to work with her, forgave the mistake and allowed her to rectify the situation with a credit toward the next order.

As you can see from this example, simply meeting the client halfway with empathy helps to defuse the situation, and at this point you can begin to work on solving any problems and strengthening the relationship. Remember, you won’t get to this step until after the client has expressed his or her anger. The venting and purging must occur before the rebuilding begins, or else you’ll be building on a bitter foundation doomed to collapse. People have a way of hanging onto old grudges if they aren’t dealt with. And psychologists will tell you that when people survive an emotionally challenging event together, it often leads to a lasting bond between them. Like a disaster movie, where the male and female leads can’t stand each other at the start, after all the explosions and near-death experiences you know they will get together at the end.

See yourself through the challenge. As in Ellen Bay’s case, she and John Minden were able to forge an even stronger relationship.

But while Bay was able to rescue, rebuild, and even strengthen her relationship with her best customer, Kenny Adams at the dermatology office had no desire to do the same with his angry caller. The lady on the phone made unreasonable demands and hurled insults that shut communication down. She was toxic from the start. Unlike John Minden’s mishandled order, which was a justifiable reason to be angry, Adams’ caller had no reason to be upset. The dermatologists hadn’t even rendered a service for her yet, and it’s very common for dermatology offices to be booked out several weeks. Her reaction was out of proportion, misplaced, and irrational—it was toxic.

~ ~ * ~ ~

Lesson #2: Sometimes anger is justified and worth addressing, and sometimes it’s not. Learn to tell the difference.

~ ~ * ~ ~

Case No. 5: The Financial Planner

Financial planner Gerald Westerbrook’s new client was George Stinson, a prominent criminal-defense lawyer. Stinson was aggressive and accustomed to getting his way. He wore $2,000 suits and drove a flashy black Mercedes. He represented clients accused of drug dealing or other crimes who were able to pay his sizable retainer in cash. Stinson always made sure to be paid up front. He liked money, and his lifestyle.

One thing he didn’t like was the performance of his brokerage account, which was losing money in the stock market. So Stinson contacted Westerbrook about transferring the account to Westerbrook’s firm.

Westerbrook was resistant. His cardinal rule in accepting new clients was, “Never clean up another broker’s mess.” He reasoned that doing so meant he was always playing catch-up, just to get returns back to where they should have been. It was a losing game.

But Stinson, as we know, was persuasive. He knew how to argue to advance his point of view. It was his job to be this way. It took a lot of convincing, but Westerbrook finally agreed to have the $120,000 account transferred.

At first, the move proved successful. Westerbrook held real estate and insurance licenses as well as many registrations to trade different classes of securities, and he was a certified estate advisor. He specialized in portfolio management, retirement accounts, and technology stocks. His typical clients were affluent people in their fifties and sixties. He wrote up a comprehensive retirement plan for Stinson, who also owned real estate. Westerbrook explained the plan thoroughly to his new client.

Stinson agreed to the plan and transferred a total of $120,000 to Westerbrook. Over the next 24 months, the account performed well, earning returns that were higher than the overall market performance. Stinson seemed pleased, and Westerbrook was satisfied, too. The two began to enjoy a good client-advisor relationship.

It was about a year later that this began to change. Stinson phoned Westerbrook sounding different from usual—hostile and on the attack.

“I just saw my quarterly statement,” the lawyer said angrily, “and I’m extremely upset that I’m losing money!”

Westerbrook was both surprised and taken back. “Excuse me,” he said firmly, “don’t use that tone with me. Didn’t you see my email from two weeks ago that said you’re making 13 percent average per year?”

“Don’t get smart with me,” responded Stinson, his voice rising. “I’m not getting smart with you,” Westerbrook said evenly. “Those are the facts.”

The facts, Westerbrook continued, were that Stinson’s account had actually made strong gains. Westerbrook quickly punched buttons on a calculator. “Your account has earned approximately $50,000.”

“That’s bull!” Stinson shouted into the phone. “I’m looking at the quarterly statement right here! I’ve got the balance right here in front of me! I am way down on this thing.”

Westerbrook was exasperated and replied, “You’re still not back to your original investment because of the losses the other broker created for you when I inherited the account. You’ve made gains, but it’s on a smaller amount. That has nothing to do with me.”

To which Stinson yelled, “Screw you!” and slammed down the phone.

This story illustrates another important point about angry clients: Sometimes they aren’t even angry at you. Gerald Westerbrook had a personal rule, which was never to take on another broker’s problem accounts. He had developed this rule to address a common problem—the anger and resentment clients harbor for previous service providers spilling over to their dealings with the new providers. It’s likely that Stinson had been bad-mouthing the old broker all over town, and would now likely do the same to Westerbrook. After all, he was a high-powered defense attorney who was used to verbally slugging it out with anyone who got in his way. And, frankly, people with huge egos often use others as punching bags.

The truth of the matter is that it can be nearly impossible to please a client who is still angry with another provider. And that anger can make that client toxic for years, and future service providers, to come. The frustrating and never-to-be-publicized fact was that Westerbrook really had done an excellent job with Stinson’s account. But it was clear that Stinson simply didn’t understand his account, and likely never really would.

Each industry and business has its own unique set of issues and strategies. In time, you will develop your own set of rules that apply to the practitioners and clients within your circles. But one of the rules that will apply to all industries and businesses is that the already-angry clients may stay angry with you, and through no fault of your own. Be careful when accepting such a client.