Читать книгу Oedipus frivolity - Georgel Caldararu - Страница 11

A total dispossession

I fall asleep as if I fainted during a strike. A scorpion had penetrated my chest and was trying to get completely into my body. I could only see its poisonous tail. I need to release the fear, I need to hide myself behind my own weakness. Furthermore, I feel I go mad because of that pain. It is something which does not have an origin in this world, and it is unbearable. It comes from the ether and regularly bites from my heart. I can't breathe.

Somehow I did everything wrong. I've never run for gain and pride. Only the ignorant are doing it. To be a chosen one means to suffer the pain of the world, to lose in any circumstance and to have nothing to be happy with. A total dispossession. At least I am not one of them.

If they punch me in the face, I am happy, if I bleed I smile, if they humiliate me I have joy, if they spit on me, I feel honoured. Like this I know I am near you.

I don't dare to compare myself with you. I was a coward, still young, but that is not an excuse, a child should have the courage to face death. It is much better to die than to be one with the evil.

Forgiveness, I can't find! I'll bleed until the day you'll enlighten me.