Читать книгу Mindfulness Pocketbook - Gill Hasson - Страница 6

‘It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.’ – Denis Waitley

Do you feel that life would improve for you if you had more self-confidence?

When faced with a new challenge or opportunity, are you filled with self-doubt? Do you say to yourself, ‘I'll never be able to do this’ or ‘I'm not good enough’ or ‘I can't’?

Self-confidence is not about what you can or can't do: it's what you believe you can or can't do.

If, in the past, you've failed or not coped well with a particular situation, you may well believe that you will fail or struggle the next time. You won't feel confident about doing it again.

And if you've now got something you have to do, something new you've never done before, you may believe you won't be able to do it. You won't feel confident about your ability to do it. So if you lack self-confidence, you'll avoid taking risks and stretching yourself and will probably not try at all.

You'll talk yourself out of it with negative self-talk, telling yourself that you can't or won't be able to do something. You will make yourself believe that you can't do certain things. (Negative self-talk also knocks your self-esteem, making you feel bad about yourself.)

Instead of letting past experience or future possibilities paralyse you, mindfulness can help you be aware of these judgemental thoughts and how unhelpful they are.

In Practice

‘Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear.’ – Unknown

Get yourself into a positive mindset. Remind yourself of the things that you do well, activities where you feel a sense of control, no fear of failure or feeling of self-consciousness. You know what you're doing and where you're heading: you feel confident in your abilities.

When you find yourself basing your beliefs about your abilities on what happened in the past, start again. Take a ‘beginner's mind’ approach: put the past judgements and conclusions aside and, instead, think about what you've learnt from these experiences. You can't change what happened last time you did something, but you can change what happens next time. Identify new insights that could help you do things differently next time.

Make a plan. If you're faced with a new challenge or situation, something you've never done before, think through what steps you can take to manage potential difficulties.

Know that when you stop giving the situation any more unhelpful thoughts – thoughts based on the past and the future – you will have taken the first step towards moving ahead with confidence.

Use mindfulness to catch yourself when you think, ‘I can't do this.’ There's no need to judge yourself for having unhelpful thoughts. Just notice and make a different choice. Choose to think, ‘I can do this. I've thought it through. I have a plan.’