Читать книгу Rise Speak Change - Girls Write Now - Страница 11
ОглавлениеPeople have told me not to share this piece, but I have also had people encourage me to share it. It is about a difficult time with my father, whom I love and keep close to my heart. It shows that letting go can allow you to love more.
Driving with my father was always a roller coaster. He was reckless, and would often close his eyes and pretend that he was falling asleep on the highway. Sometimes he was for real.
But he always knew how to put a smile on my face—until it was time to go home. I would cry and pout because there was a fear harvested deep inside me, telling me I wouldn’t see him again.
And then it happened. I didn’t see him again for another year and my tears never stopped falling because of the thought that something bad could happen to him and I would never know.
During his absence I thought of him a lot. I asked my mom questions like, “Why aren’t you and Daddy together anymore?” She would never tell me.
But my older sister had no trouble with giving it to me straight.
“Your father beat Mom badly.”
Hearing those words ripped my heart right out of my chest. How could this wonderful man that I love so much do such a thing? Domestic violence was something I only heard or saw on television—it wouldn’t happen in my house.
While he was gone, I developed. My mind grew but so did my heart. I reconnected with him again when I was twelve or thirteen. We were sitting in the truck he drove for work and I knew—now was the time to confront him. We had a good laugh, and then we got on a more serious note about the past. He looked me in my eyes and told me that he would never hit my mother.
He lied to my face.
My mother made sure that I grew up knowing how much my father loved me and that he would never do anything to hurt me. As much as she went through, she never doubted that he wasn’t a good father. He was a great one. I knew that, and she knew that, and to her that’s all that mattered. The past didn’t faze her and she didn’t hate him. She had conversations with him as if it never even happened, and I envied that. She’d forgiven him because that’s all she could do, and so I followed in her steps.
