Читать книгу Elmo Eveings - Gregory J. McKenzie - Страница 2

Ever workplace has someone like Elmo! They are publicly lauded as being 'indispensable to the team' or 'trustworthy' or even 'generous to a fault'. But this only allows work mates to overburden them with favors. When someone in the clerical department had a difficult problem, they got Elmo to solve it for them. This meant that he often had to work back late to finish his own work. When it was convenient to do so, these same work mates would ignore Elmo's own pleas for some assistance. Finally, they would think nothing of making a joke about Elmo to amuse their own friends.

Elmo was not unaware of this parasitic behavior. He was a highly intelligent man. The fact that he had no high level tertiary degree allowed others to act superior in his presence. But Elmo did not care. Since arriving in this new country he now called home, Elmo had suppressed his own ego. Never voicing an opinion about anything, Elmo was mistaking labelled as introverted. In fact, he had withdrawn to avoid detection. Elmo did not want his past to catch up with him. So he kept his recent 'lawyer experience' to himself. When one work mate on Monday morning asked him,

"Hey Elmo what did you do on Saturday? Someone said they saw you in the city around near the Park."

Elmo came up with a white lie in a flash of inspirational thinking and said in a light tone,

"Yeah I went in to see the floral exhibition. It was amazing."

This silenced Elmo's work mate as he knew it would. This particular clerk was a sports crazed obsessive compulsive who thought floral meant something unmanly. So he stammered in reply,

"Right, well, each to their own I always say."

Then walked away quickly. The staff room gossip was that Elmo did not go on dates. He was their token weekend 'recluse'.

In this they were hopelessly off track. Elmo did date women every weekend. But he made sure that those dates were never the same woman as the previous weekend. Elmo was still a young man but he had no intention of being a 'modern' young man. Women who dated Elmo knew as much about him before their dates as they did after these dates. Reflecting back on their dates with Elmo, they all realized that they had done most of the talking.

Assiduously avoiding all forms of intimacy, Elmo was able to avoid relationships.

Some clerks on the staff prided themselves on knowing everything about everybody. They tried to get the low down on Elmo. So they would ask him,

"Where were you born Elmo?"

He would pretend to be jesting with them when he replied,

"Hopefully in a hospital but I can't be certain about that as I was a baby at the time."

Then if he got asked,

"Where did you go to college Elmo?"

He would invent yet another white lie by responding somberly with the following joke at his own expense

"I was home tutored."

As for others who tried to get details on Elmo's past, they were often hampered by Elmo's strange surname. Almost always they got it wrong or assumed that Elmo was short for Elmer. The common mistake people made about his surname was the spelling. So he saw name tags at sales seminars with mistakes like

"ELMO EVENINGS"

or

"ELMER EVINGS"

or even

"ELMER EVENS"

None of these mistakes worried Elmo in the slightest. In fact, he never corrected them, so they appeared in lists of attendees at conferences he was forced to attend. To avoid any chance of someone recognizing him at any work sessions, Elmo avoided attending any of them. If he was at a beach conference center in summer, he went swimming. When the sales conference was at some chalet in winter, he went skiing. If it was the latest craze that sales conferences were held at bush setting venues then he went bush walking. In other words Elmo thoroughly enjoyed himself by not attending plenary sessions, sales lectures and work seminars. If his absence was commented upon, a rare event, Elmo pretended to have the flu or laryngitis or deep vein thrombosis from the long plane flight. Before going to sales conferences, Elmo did a lot of medical research on debilitating illnesses. His 'swot notes' got him out of a lot of awkward moments.

But life will never let you hide forever. Just like those people who try to stay young, Elmo learnt about the inevitability of fate. One morning Elmo got a intranet message to go to the Head Negotiator's office. Confused, Elmo went as directed. The sign on the door said

JANET ELSEBROOK

Head Negotiator

Elmo sat in this powerful woman's reception area for twenty minutes. Then he was summoned into the august presence of one of the most powerful people in Elmo's firm. She looked up at him from behind her desk then nodded for him to sit down in the chair provided directly opposite. She kept working for five minutes before leaning back in her chair as she said,

"Well .....eh?....Oh yes... Elmo isn't it? How are you today?... Fine? ...That's fine....Now we are all busy people here at head center section so I will get right to the matter at hand. Is that okay with you?"

Elmo had counted four questions and could not work out which one he was supposed to respond to so he responded to them all by saying,

"Yes! Fine. Yes! Of course."

Confused Ms. Elsebrook looked at Elmo for an instant. But she quickly recovered her composure to say,

"Elmo... I can call you Elmo can't I because your surname is hard to pronounce and I want to do you the courtesy of getting your name right....We in upper management have been greatly impressed with your work in 'Clerks' over the last....Eh....Oh the last ten years. Your data record shows you logging in first thing every morning and logging out late every night. There is also an impressive array of Saturday logins. So we have decided to give you a promotion."

Elmo started to perspire with fear. This sounded like he was getting the last thing he wanted. So he interrupted by saying in a harried tone,

"I am perfectly content where I am. No plans to leave. No need for any promotion."

Not used to her carrots being thrown back into her face, Ms. Elsebrook's distaste rose inside her so the next thing she uttered was at a high decibel,

"Elmo your firm needs your help. Don't be ungenerous with your time. We are all busy. But sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the benefit of the firm. Right now we have a flu epidemic decimating our fine sales negotiating team. Yet clients must still be met. Sales contracts must still be signed. All you would have to do is go to a lovely hotel. Have tea or coffee or whatever you people drink. After chatting a bit then get one little signature. Not too hard a task is it? Well what do you say Elmo? Will you help us out this one time?'

Somewhat mollified by the mention of 'one time' Elmo missed his chance to back out gracefully. For once his pool of white lies was empty. He mumbled a quiet,

"I suppose its alright just this one time."

Then he heard Janet Elsebroook say in a final tone,

"Well that's settled then. My secretary has all the information you need. Let me get him in here....GERALD? Are you ready for Elmo?....Fine then you take him through the details will you?..... No, now please Gerald. Then and only then you can go out for coffee. I am late for my lunch meeting with the State Manager."

With that Elmo became invisible to this power player. He slid out of her office but was caught by Gerald at reception. Gerald looked like he was overworked, stressed and caffeine deficient. He thrust a memory stick into Elmo's hands before saying hurriedly,

"Its all in there. Time place and contract document. Old Simpson really is down with the flu but he had already negotiated the renewal contract details. I just dropped them into our standard contract. All you need to do is get the client to sign then you are home and hosed. Look on the bright side, you do get away from here for a bit."

Elmo was back at his desk trying to work out what had just happened to him. The fundamental question running through his mind was,

"WHY ME?" Finally after racking his brain for any show of gumption on his part at any staff function he guessed the answer correctly. With negotiators falling by the wayside due to a major flu epidemic, staff were being snatched from everywhere in his firm. Elmo was the longest serving clerk in the office, so he was a natural choice for a reliable person to stand in for one day. Now he was stuck with being 'out there in the open' as it were. Elmo Eveings was going to be a negotiator even if it was only for one day.

That night was one of the worse nights Elmo could remember since coming to this new country. He just could not get to sleep. All sorts of 'failure scenarios' sprang to mind. When his alarm finally rang Elmo almost kissed his smartphone. Routine helped, but not much. Elmo made it into the office even earlier than normal. Logging on was no relief because his new appointment was now officially logged in the staff daily activities bulletin. Everyone he worked with would eventually read his name on that list with his task represented as "Temporary Negotiator".

His morning was ghastly. People kept coming up to pat him on the back. They gave 'nothing phrases' away like confetti after a wedding. No one noticed that Elmo flinched ever time he was approached. Then he groaned every time another platitude washed over him with its false sentimentality. He put up with things like,

"Well Elmo, they finally noticed you after all these years. You are on your way."

"Elmo what an opportunity. From the hands of the 'dragon lady' herself. Don't mess it up. She'll eat you alive. Ha. Ha. ...'

"Who would have believed you had it in you. We will all have to watch our backs now..."

Some said their quips in a humorous tone of voice but a few were said with a not so well hidden veiled threat embedded in the so called compliment.

Lunch came and Elmo went on his appointment. A taxi took him to one of the city's best hotels. He was to have his first ever business lunch. A corporate credit card had been assigned but had to be returned to the treasury department within the next twenty four hours. Elmo had been given an upper limit for his expenses that afternoon.

Arriving early for his appointment, Elmo went to the bar. Not a drinking man he had no idea what to order. As he sat there staring at the row of bottles under the full length mirror a voice said,

"Why its Elmo Eveings isn't it? Imagine us meeting like this so soon after our last encounter. How are you?"

Elmo looked to his right to see the face of Fran Upjohn smiling back at him. Of course he immediately remembered her name. After all he reminded himself, Ms. Upjohn was a very beautiful young woman. She had shortish blonde hair, was of a statuesque build and her body was very slim. Elmo had noticed that she had a very distinctive walk. You might describe how she moved from her end of the bar as majestic. That is until you realized that this could mean anything from a parade walk to the shuffle of an old woman. No it was better to say that it was very stylish, poised and deliberate. Of course the high heels she wore made her look taller than her real height. The two of them had meet recently as Fran Upjohn had intimated in her approaching salvo. So Elmo was forced to reply in kind by saying,

"Hello Ms. Upjohn. Are you here with your senior partner?'

The face of Fran Upjohn which boasted a pert nose and pixie countenance said it all. The words that came eloquently from her mouth reinforced the aura of this power woman when she said,

"No thank goodness. He is a lovely man but a bit of a 'wet blanket'. I am here all alone! There is a conference on in this hotel that I am involved with as a presenter. But I thought you were a penniless clerk. This hotel charges a fortune just for coffee."

Elmo wanted suddenly to appear important for the first time in ten years, so he said in a proud tone of voice

"I am also here on a business matter. Having lunch with one of our firm's best clients. They promoted me to sales negotiator. That comes with a corporate credit card."

Obviously, he left out the prefix 'temporary' before sales negotiator and the short possession he had of that corporate credit card. Not lies exactly. Well more like the 'white lies' that Elmo was so good at deploying.

Still they had the desired effect. Fran Upjohn now looked at Elmo with something approaching real interest. Unattached men of Elmo's age were scarce in this city. She knew Elmo was not married. So the 'game' began. She said,

"We should have coffee one morning."

Not wishing to appear rude Elmo said in a friendly tone of voice,

"Maybe, but tell me about your presentation."

By cleverly changing the subject, Elmo avoided any more awkward intimacies. Fran Upjohn had a powerful ego so she said in an excited voice,

"It's my first solo presentation. My expertise at law is with contracts. More especially hidden clauses in contracts. If I had my notes I could show you what I mean. All contracts you see have them...hidden clauses I mean. Sometimes they can cause real commercial embarrassment to firms in the longer time frame."

Elmo was somehow fascinated with what this woman was saying. He could not work out if it was because of her eyes or her voice. As those dark almost black eyes lit up with strange bursts of light Elmo was drawn in irresistibly. The voice had a 'trust me' sublime tone that got past all of Elmo's well planned intimacy defenses. He did not want her to stop, so Elmo looked for a way to keep her talking. As he moved his hand it brushed against the printed copy of his sales contract. A sudden inspiration made him grab it up to show this woman. He said,

"Strange you should say that but I am getting a commercial contract signed today. My legal advice is that it is a standard contract."

Fran Upjohn let out a derisive laugh before saying,

"Ha! the number of times I have heard that would make your head spin. I get people coming to see me about contract clauses they did not even read. Of course by then its too late. If only people would read all the clauses of a contract. Take your one today. Did you read every clause of that contract?"

Elmo had to admit that he hadn't read even one clause. Expecting scorn from his bar partner Elmo got a pleasant surprise,

"See that is what everyone says after the contracts are signed. Let me see this contract, if its not too confidential"

Elmo knew that it was a standard sales contract that his firm used for all their clients, so he handed over his copy.

Fran Upjohn read only the last two pages. She ignored the first ten clauses. Soon she was showing great animation as she plowed through the legalese of the contact. Then she gave it back shaking her head in sad disbelief. She said in frank language,

"I did not think they still put in those clauses. The term 'sale or return' can be used so maliciously. More modern contracts avoid that term completely."

Elmo was lost and confused. So he asked in all ignorance,

"Is that bad for us? I mean it is important I don't make a mistake this afternoon."

Fran Upjohn said in a precise tone of voice,

"Look I don't know what you are selling. I purposely avoided reading the details pages. My expertise is back of contract hidden clauses. You contract has a couple of blinders. But that term 'sale or return' has done more damage than anything else in contract dispute resolution situations."

Seeing Elmo was still confused, she went on to explain that this one term allowed a client to decide if what they had purchased was sale-able. They could return the whole order if they decided none of it could be sold at a profitable price. Fran knew of many cases where goods purchased were returned under these circumstances.

Now Elmo was sweating badly. He was about to get his first contract signed and that contract could end up costing his firm big money. In desperation he said,

"What advice do you give to clients who want to avoid such a result?"

Fran said in a frank tone of voice,

"My advice is either, don't sign such a contract at all, or, if you must sign a contract delete that clause."

Elmo now grasped at this straw by saying in a pleading tone of voice,

"Is that possible...not the not signing part but the deleting the clause?"

The lawyer now took over as Fran intoned this advice,

"Either party can delete any clause they wish deleted. It is then up to the other party to accept the deletion or refuse to sign the changed contract. Deleted clauses need only be initialed by both parties but it is better to redraw the contract without the deleted clause."

Elmo now saw a way to save face with the 'dragon lady'. So he thanked Fran then promised to take her out for coffee the next time she had a gap in her appointment schedule. He did not have a card so he exchanged smartphone numbers via an app put on his phone just that morning. They parted with a friendly handshake as Fran glided away to lead her seminar.