Читать книгу Elmo Eveings - Gregory J. McKenzie - Страница 4

The next morning Elmo went into work as usual. His email folder seemed to have filled up overnight. He saw one from Fran Upjohn so opened it first. He was surprised to read the following:

"My seminar went brilliantly well. I left you in such a good mood that it seemed to give me confidence. As it happens my secretary made no appointments for me this morning. How about I buy you coffee as a thank you for giving me such a positive vibe? I can make the Central Coffee Cafe by ten if that's okay with you? Fran Upjohn"

Elmo was flattered by the praise and surprisingly eager to have coffee with this woman. So he hit the 'Reply' icon then typed in,

"Sounds great. But I am sure I don't deserve any praise from what was clearly your own doing. See you at ten. Elmo Eveings"

Not much less welcoming was the tone of an email from Ms. Hunt. Her email was work related but still praised Elmo. The part that stood out was the closing section that read,

"Thanks for making our negotiations yesterday so pleasant. Great having lunch with you. That wine selection was superb. Must do it again soon. Henri Hunt"

Not knowing how to reply to this overt praise, Elmo read carefully over the first part of that email. It read as follows:

"My lawyers have cleared the deletion of those clauses we discussed in the sales contract. I can now proceed to signature when your firm's principal is ready. Let me know ASAP when that may be scheduled. "

Elmo composed a reply to this email. He typed then sent the following:

" Deletion of those clauses on the final draft of our sales contract should be approved by lunchtime today. Lawyers will then redraft sales contract for signing by principals. Will let you know of date and time. Thanks for being such a great client and putting up with my rookie mistakes. Glad you enjoyed the wine. Elmo Eveings"

Truth to tell, Elmo did hesitate before stroking the 'Send' icon. But he deliberately left this email alone without late second changes to delete that last sentence.

The less welcome if not downright scary email was from the 'Dragon Lady' which now commanded his attention. Reluctantly, Elmo opened this and read the following short message:

"Mr. Eveings you will be in my office at 11.30am today without fail. DO NOT BE LATE. Ms. J Elsebrook Head Negotiator"

Elmo suspected that he was going to be made to account for his expensive lunch. When he had seen the bill it was only just within his assigned card limit. Never in his wildest dreams would he have spent so much on food and drink. The money paid for wine alone would keep Elmo going for a month. With three people to tip the final amount had exhausted Elmo's corporate card in just one outing.

As Elmo worked at his digital desk he tried to think up excuses for his extravagant lunch bill. The challenge exceeded his talent of telling white lies. Still Elmo had a vivid imagination so he mentally entertained some pretty bizarre excuses.

Before he knew it, Elmo saw that it was time to walk over to the Central Coffee Cafe. Elmo had mentioned his preferred coffee hangout to Fran Upjohn as only an aside the day before and was surprised she remembered its name. Elmo and three other clerks had their 'Chill out Coffee Club' sessions at this cafe every Friday afternoon. It was the one time Elmo left his workplace early. The two males and two females swapped wildly exaggerated stories about their social lives. They also drank a lot of coffee and consumed a lot of pastries.

Elmo always got to any appointment early so he was surprised to see Fran Upjohn waiting for him below the CC Cafe signpost. Walking up to her he saw her eyes sparkle the first time she looked his way. Something jumped in his stomach. Elmo puzzled over this automatic reaction to the presence of a woman he had only meet twice. Elmo messed up his greeting by saying in a halting tone of voice,

"Good morning Ms. Upjohn. You did not have to do this you know. I am sure I was not as helpful as you intimated in your email."

Fran Upjohn gave Elmo a look that would have sent most eligible bachelors to their nearest hideaway. She looked him straight in the eyes before saying in a very friendly tone of voice,

"You don't take compliments well do you? But please call me Fran. And can I call you Elmo?'

Somewhat shocked at this familiarity from someone he hardly knew, Elmo surprised himself with his answer,

"Well Fran you certainly can call me Elmo. Lets go get some coffee. I have an eleven-thirty appointment with my boss and I am sure she is going to chew me out."

So they entered the CC Cafe together then found a table for two. The waiter came to take their orders. Thinking that he most likely would be too upset at lunchtime to eat Elmo ordered the large French pastry basket for two with his coffee. Fran laughed before saying in a jovial tone of voice,

"Its lucky I have a generous expense account Elmo. But you said that your boss was going to chew you out later. What is her beef with you?"

Normally Elmo would reject any such attempts to get him to open up at that level. But it seemed right to be open and honest with Fran, so he replied in kind by saying,

"After I met you at the hotel bar yesterday I went straight to a business lunch. As it was my firm that was pitching the sales bid, we were paying for lunch. That proved to be a very expensive meal. I think my boss is going to chew me out for not watching my expense budget."

Fran was feeling sorry for Elmo. She tried to think of something to say to reassure him. Finally she said in a conspiratorial tone of voice,

"Look when I overspend on a client I point to the revenue that client brings in to my firm. It almost always works to deflect criticism from the barbs of the finance gooks."

Elmo considered her words then saw that this might be his way out of trouble. So he cheered up immediately then dug into the French pastries with Fran. They had a great time together and parted with promises to have coffee again real soon. Elmo's parting words were joyously given,

"Fran," he said "I don't know when I have enjoyed coffee and pastries more. Thanks for the advice once again. You should start charging me."

Smiling broadly Fran replied in a teasing tone,

"I'll put it on your account Elmo. Thanks for this. I had a great time."

With those words they parted.

Now Elmo had to go to see the 'Dragon Lady'. He was lucky that he had spent that happy interlude with Fran Upjohn. Still wrapped in the memory of her warm smile, Elmo raced back to be on time. One look at the Head Negotiator's Administrative Assistant's face was enough to almost burst Elmo's warm bubble. Gerald had all the hallmarks of a put upon assistant. He looked at Elmo with a male bonding plea to get sympathy. Elmo said in a bright voice,

"Its nice to see you again Gerald. How are you going this fine morning?"

Gerald winced at the words but was grateful for the concern. So he warned Elmo of the danger ahead. In a hushed tone of voice he said,

"Thanks for that Elmo. I needed a bit of cheering up after the morning I have just been through. SHE came in with a really bad mood....Well for her that's normal but this time it was a real stinker. Nothing I did pleased her. I stood in line at her favorite coffee shop at six o'clock this morning to get her 'double decaf mocha WITH chocolate sprinkles and her diet croissant with sugarless chocolate. But when she tasted it of course it was not hot enough for that cigarette ravaged mouth of hers. The croissant was somehow too hot and she insisted that the chocolate was NOT sugar free. Things got worse when she opened your email. So watch yourself Elmo. Plead the 'fifth amendment' if you have to, but say NOTHING.....Oh that is her "I think I have kept him waiting long enough" light.....You better go in quick but keep your shield handy just like St.George......"

Then into his smartphone Gerald said in a neutral tone,

"Elmo Evenings is here. Shall I say you will see him?"

A blast of invective language was heard even by Elmo from across the room. He heard clearly these words from Gerald's smartphone,

"SEND THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING EVENINGS IN AT ONCE! AT ONCE DO YOU HEAR!!!!"

Now it was Gerald's turn to look with pity on Elmo. He would not be going into that room for quids. Not with the mood that his boss was in at that moment. So he gave Elmo a weak smile and a thumbs up.

Elmo walked into the 'Dragon's Den' with his eyes averted. He was hit by the hot blast of further angry words. The term 'office rage' had just been invented by social media to explain all the angry outburst that had been reported in offices around the country. This was at the high end of what was meant by that term. All that Elmo could hear was insults. Janet Elsebrook hated being called 'Janny' and detested 'Jan' so her staff were told to call her MRS. Elsebrook. The fact that the original MR. Elsebrook had run off with their French maid made no difference to this hard woman. She merely sued him for half of his fortune but kept the 'MRS Elsebrook' to spite his mother.

After this first blast washed over Elmo, it melted away his bubble of self confidence. Happy she had reduced this junior to a quivering mass of depleted manhood, Janet Elsebook proceeded to play havoc with her victim. In a tone of voice more suited to the Spanish Inquisition she said,

"MR. EVENINGS can you explain why you took it upon yourself to DELETE A CLAUSE.....HUH I MEAN TWO CLAUSES...FROM OUR SALES CONTRACT???...WELLL??? CAN YOU???"

Elmo realized that he would have to respond to forestall another blast of angry invective words so he said in a meek tone of voice,

"It was... it was the only way to get the client to sign a contact .....I guess..."

The Head Negotiator's face went red as she sprung on his last few words. In a caustic tone of voice she yelled,

"YOU GUESSED? YOU GUESSED? WELL GUESS WHAT I AM ABOUT TO DO?.....IF YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD GUESSER THAT SHOULD BE EASY...WELL MR. EVENINGS?"

Elmo's luck was in that morning. It was the only thing that saved Elmo from getting fired. As he held his gaze down his mind raced through a bunch of white lies. All seemed too feeble to be of any use in this emergency. So Elmo braced himself for what was surely coming. But then the miracle occurred. The Head Negotiator's smartphone rang. She looked at it as an automatic response. Then she took the call. Suddenly both the volume and tone of her voice became moderate if not even subservient. Mrs. Janet Elsebook actually said cringing words in the presence of Elmo. He could not believe that it was the same 'Dragon Lady' that had almost devoured him with sarcasm just a few moments prior to this phone call. Elmo listened still held in the awe of this woman's overpowering personality. She said in a tone of mock civility,

"Mr. Harrington how good of you to take time out to call little old me. How are you this morning?.....Happy with our efforts? ...I am pleased to hear that....Sorry you said what?...Ms. Henri Hunt's being on the phone to you?....She is overjoyed with the prospect of you both signing the contract she had negotiated only yesterday? ...She what?...Wants to congratulate me for sending such an astute negotiator? ....Oh I see, YOU want to congratulate me for sending him.....Ms. Hunt said what?...That she is going to try and steal him away from us?...Was she joking?...No, its just that he is such a junior negotiator. That's all I meant. I was not questioning her judgement. I know Henri Hunt very well. She is the toughest negotiator in the business....Well that is except for me. But why would she want our most junior negotiator?.......I see, you two have a business rivalry going back some years. That might explain it. She is doing it just to annoy you....No I am not downplaying your good news, Mr. Harrington, Sir....It's just that....What did you say?.....Under NO circumstances are we to allow Mr. Evenings to be headhunted by Ms. Hunt....Yes Sir, I am totally clear on that point. No Sir, she will not steal him away. Yes Sir, I will make sure of that for you...Thank you for the personal call.... Goodbye Sir."

Elmo had to sit very still as he saw emotions race across the face of his boss. She looked at him with utter contempt but the next words were treacle in comparison to her previous statements. She said with a new tone of grudging respect,

"Oh that was very clever of you Mr. Evenings. Doing such a deal with a known difficult client just to impress her. Think you're clever don't you? Well let me tell you something. I have read your job contract. You cannot resign without losing all your pension entitlements. After ...lets just see... Yes I thought so...After TEN years at this firm that is a lot of money. So forget about resignation....But this other term of employment might interest you...Or maybe not...Do you already know what it says?...Cat got your tongue? Well let me read it to you,

'The employee may keep pension entitlements IF said employee is fired or has this contract of employment annulled.'

What do you say to that?"

Realizing that he was been baited, Elmo was very careful with his comeback. In a submissive tone he said,

"I am very happy working here in my clerks' job."

Janet Elsebrook's face spoke volumes for her disbelief in a single word he had uttered. Not being one to avoid confrontation she said in a harsh tone,

"Ha! As if that's is true. Your little plan to get sacked has been exposed. You will NOT be fired today or any time soon. But I can wait! ... Yes I can wait. You won't be Henri Hunt's pet project for long. She collects young men like you. But she always moves on quickly to her next conquest. So Mr. Evenings get out of my office. That's all for now."

With that it was like Elmo ceased to exist as far as Mrs. Janet Elsebrook was concerned. Elmo slipped quietly from her office. He saw Gerald look at him with astonishment. Gerald whispered in a surprised tone of voice,

"You lucky bugger. I heard most of that ...Well the end bit anyway. Go buy a lottery ticket Elmo, this is your lucky day."

A weak smile fluttered across Elmo's face. By the time he got back to his desk Elmo was beaming. His work peers saw this after expecting a much worse outcome. Some were genuinely happy for Elmo. Others marked him down as a new threat to their own office ambitions. But Elmo kept smiling. He kept seeing Fran Upjohn's face smiling back at him over a coffee cup. With not a single ambitious bone in his body, Elmo completely ignored the fact that now his job was secure for the foreseeable future.