Читать книгу Spiritual Awakenings II - Группа авторов - Страница 25

December 2003

I woke up on Friday, May 24, and finished off a bottle of vodka. I then went to work and was excused at about 10:30. Although my boss insisted someone else drive, I drove home by myself, stopping for a bottle on the way. My shame and remorse were so great that the only option I was entertaining was suicide. I went to an afternoon haircut appointment and continued to drink afterward. At home, I picked up a gun I had stolen and held it to my head; I couldn't pull the trigger. I shot a round of buckshot into the ceiling instead. I got into my car and drove to a bar ten miles away. Later, someone was kind enough to drive me home. I was in a blackout and came to a few miles from my home. So I decided to return to my automobile, which I promptly crashed into a parked car. I flipped it on impact, and my forearm was crushed. I came to in the hospital to find that my arm had been amputated.

By the grace of a spiritual experience, the help of a chaplain, and the Fellowship, I was able to accept my loss. I have acknowledged my powerlessness and have made the decision to be happy. I am mindful to live unselfishly and quietly, following AA's spiritual principles and the examples of others. I listen and feel for the teaching of my God, and I ask for instruction.

It has been ten months since my loss and I have been given a faith that brings me the courage to be myself, one day at a time. It is only in the moment that I can live, or I would give up. I placed all my marbles on the table, bargaining with alcohol and in denial of life. I have come to understand what a privilege it is to be alive and to have contact with other people, places, and things. I am forever indebted to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Anonymous