Читать книгу Spiritual Awakenings II - Группа авторов - Страница 26

December 2009

I am an intellect. I was told early on that this was a simple program and not to complicate it. A couple of years into the program I found myself in a place of turmoil. I was reworking my Steps with a new sponsor and searching daily for aspects of my personality that I wanted to continue to improve. Having worked through the Steps before, I had worked on many of my primary traits already. I was no longer doing a lot of the things that used to leave me ashamed and regretful at the end of the day. I was sleeping contentedly most nights, and I was really starting to enjoy the woman I was seeing in the mirror. There were still things, though, that would plague my daily inventory and were constantly turning around in my mind. The solution suddenly came to me one night while listening to a Big Book study on CD. The speaker was talking about Bill W.'s early experiences prior to the creation of AA. He referred to how Bill had tried self-will, had tried the church, and had even tried working with a psychologist, hoping it would improve his emotional problems enough for him to remain sober. The speaker said, “Thank God that psychology didn't work for Bill and he discovered that the solution lies in a Higher Power. Otherwise, we'd all be sitting around all day psychoanalyzing ourselves instead of turning our problems over to a Higher Power for a solution.”

It was like the whole room became still and then something very significant clicked in my mind. I was doing my daily inventory. I knew what character defects were involved, but I had not then turned them over. I was still trying to come up with a solution on my own to fix these defects. In a way, I was still playing God. And the more I took these problems upon myself to fix, the more I was subconsciously telling myself that I was broken.

A shift took place inside me. I was not broken; I was on the path of recovery. I had a solution today and that solution was my Higher Power. It was such a relief to be reminded that I could surrender my issues to my Higher Power and they would be taken care of. Since that day, I have made a determined effort to focus more on seeing myself as God sees me.

Heather E.

Reston, Virginia