Читать книгу Emotional Sobriety II - Группа авторов - Страница 13

February 1971

After six years of sobriety, I recently went through my first really long (four weeks) depression. Doctors had given me some bad news about my eyes, and I immediately exaggerated their diagnosis. I went around telling myself I had to accept blindness and, “Thank God I would not be a drunken blind man.” I thought I was applying the Eleventh Step (to the best of my ability), but I could see it was not working, and I proceeded into a very bad depression. I used all the gimmicks I was taught in AA—except “Let Go and Let God" and “One Day at a Time”—but nothing was working.

Then I met a doctor who told me things were not as bad as I thought—it seems I was hearing only what I wanted to hear. However, the depression continued. Along about this time, I had some difficulty with someone I was sponsoring, and the result was another emotional upheaval, which did not help the situation.

I began talking to good friends and members of my group, and things started to look a little better. I found my “conscious contact” through these friends. I found that “Let Go and Let God” does work and, most important of all, that “One Day at a Time” was something I had to apply. I also attended many meetings. I have to be honest and say I did think about drinking, but thank God I did not drink. I put myself through the meat grinder on this emotional binge—self-condemnation, doubts, etc.—but I think it was for a reason. I think I have greater understanding for someone going through these things, and I also learned to love the person who has been slipping around and coming back. Have I ever experienced such humility and willingness as that poor soul? I am feeling much better now, and I thank God for AA and my good friends. I have learned how to accept their help.

J.P.K.

Queens, New York