Читать книгу Adventures of the Mad Monk Ji Gong - Guo Xiaoting - Страница 22

CHAPTER 14

A subtle medicine is used to play a joke upon the prime minister’s household; a talent for matching couplets amazes the prime minister

As hastening travelers in boats with slackening speed

May, with unreasonable force,

Curse at the river’s sluggish flow,

Men in their journey through this toilsome world

May have perception

Injured and impaired.

So in most melancholy times,

If entering despair usurps the better mind,

It may not be unwise to turn aside

And briefly leave material things behind.

UPON coming face to face with Ji Gong, Li Huaiqun said, “Teacher, we have been separated for too long a time. I offer you most courteous greetings. Today the young master Qin has developed a strange tumescent illness. I recommended you, sir, as one who could cure the young master’s sickness. Whatever there may be wrong in this matter, please see that I, your younger brother, am partly to blame.”

Ji Gong said, “All right. If you want me to cure someone, take all these locks and chains off me!”

Li Huaiqun looked at them and said, “Very well. Qin, Great One, will you please, sir, have someone release the saintly monk from these steel fetters?”

Prime Minister Qin immediately had the locks and chains removed.

Li Huaiqun asked, “Teacher, do you have anything else to say? Will you not go now?”

The monk said, “The master of the monastery, my teacher who is like my father, is here, and my brother teachers are all here suffering punishment. How could I have the heart to go to cure sickness for someone?”

Prime Minister Qin, upon hearing Ji Gong’s statement, immediately ordered that all the other monks should be set free to return to the temple. After all the monks had departed, Li Huaiqun said, “Teacher, there is nothing more for which you need to ask. Why do you not go to the young master now?”

Ji Gong said, “Dr. Li, soldiers have surrounded the Monastery of the Soul’s Retreat and they are tearing down the Great Memorial Pagoda within the walls of the temple grounds. How could I be willing to go to cure sickness while these terrible things are going on?”

Prime Minister Qin knew that the monk wanted the soldiers withdrawn from the temple, and there was nothing he could do but agree. He hastily sent his official order to recall the soldiers who were dismantling the memorial pagoda, as well as the soldiers surrounding the temple.

Li Huaiqun said, “Saintly monk, there is now nothing more that you can desire. Now go.”

The monk said, “I will go.” He stood up. “Do good works, promote the general prosperity, and be virtuous. Do evil, and you will meet strange misfortunes. I, the poor monk, now advance to meet a swarm of evils. I only fear that they may be difficult to understand.” He was laughing and talking as if to himself.

The listening prime minister said, “The monk is getting off too lightly—if he really makes my son well again, I will still tear down his memorial pagoda. If I do not, I will be the laughingstock of everyone. He will have beaten up my deputies but not been punished, and I will have had him locked up, but not punished. Once he has cured my son’s illness, I will then go ahead and tear down his pagoda.”

Behind, Ji Gong heard him and laughed loudly: “Ha ha! Good, good! Goodness indeed! I will sing one of my little monk’s songs for the great one to hear.”

In his hat, in his hat,

In his black official hat

And uncomfortable gown,

He’s the first among all men,

Among merely mortal men,

Most disliked among all men,

Among merely mortal men.

From his hat, from his hat,

From his high official hat

There are streamers that hang down.

Left and right, two great leaves

Dance and shake on their stems

Made of wires.

And the gems on the leaves

Left and right in the light

Gleam like fires.

And the men who see them shake,

Cringe and quake to his face,

But they would like to take his place.

Though the mind may range free

Over land, over sea,

It is hard to read men’s hearts.

Though the kingfisher’s feathers

Often decorate a hat,

Does the bird think of that?

Does the pig ever think

What a feast men will make

Of its fat?

He has risen like a bird

In the sky,

But his home is on the ground.

And of those who rise so high,

Very few look around.

Very few look back.

Very few look down.

While the monk was singing his country mountain song, the prime minister was unconsciously nodding his head in time with the tune. When the song was finished, he said to himself, “The monk knows; he knows.” The prime minister realized that somehow, the ragged monk understood his problems. Together they came to Qin Da’s library in the west flower garden and heard Qin Da there coughing ceaselessly.

When the monk came into the room he said, “Oh, what a big head indeed! This is terrible!”

As Li Huaiqun heard the monk’s words, the doctor had a shock and said to himself, “After taking all this trouble to invite the monk here, if he cannot cure the prime minister’s son, I am done for.”

The prime minister was also shocked, and at once asked, “Can you cure him or not?”

The monk replied, “There is nothing to worry about. I can cure even the biggest heads. This illness has a special name—it is called the big jar head. The head, you see, looks like a big jar.” After saying this, the monk felt about inside his pockets and then said, “Oh, but this is terrible! I have lost the medicine!”

“What medicine?” Prime Minister Qin asked.

The monk replied, “The medicine that cures the big jar head!”

When the prime minister heard this, he was quite taken aback and asked, “Is it possible that you knew, when you came to my estate, that my son would be stricken with the big jar head disease?”

The monk replied, “No, it is not, but there is a certain Wang Yuanwai whose son has this same illness. Anyone who gets this disease is not a virtuous person. He is one who goes outside of the home and does bad things, seizing young girls and women by force and so on. Then this illness appears. Wang Yuanwai’s son had offended heaven and earth and came down with this big jar head sickness. I was invited to cure him. I was carrying the medicine with me and was just about to go when I was seized by the prime minister’s men and put in chains. At the time when I was brought into the prime minister’s mansion, I felt in my pocket and it was there. Will the prime minister direct some of his people to search and find it?”

Everyone called, “Monk, your medicine, was it a pill or a powder? Tell us and we will go and look for it.”

“It is a pill in the shape of a bead as big as a grain of rice. It is the color of a banana peel, and it is not wrapped in paper,” Ji Gong replied.

Each one said, “I will go!”

“Great One,” said the monk, “this illness of your son could take a turn for the worse. This is only the lesser third stage. If it becomes a really big jar head, there may be no way to treat it.”

“Then what must we do?” the prime minister asked.

The monk answered, “I must eat and satisfy my appetite. If I try to cure him without satisfying my appetite, the more I try to cure him, the worse he may become.”

As soon as the prime minister heard this, fearing that his son would go into the worst stage of big jar head, he directed his people to set up three tables of wine and food in the large reception room. He then asked the monk to come into the hall to eat and drink and, afterward, as soon as he had finished, to cure the sickness. Li Huaiqun came up the steps into the room with the monk. The monk, seeing the three tables, did not stand on ceremony, but immediately sat down at the head in the place of honor.

The prime minister was a little unhappy at seeing this, and thought to himself, “There is something unusual about this monk. He sat down at the place of honor as if there were no such rank as prime minister.” But there was nothing the prime minister could do. He sat down on one side of the seat of honor and invited Li Huaiqun to sit on the east side.

After the third round of drinks, the monk said, “Great One, this is melancholy stuff, like solitary drinking. There is no point in it!”

Prime Minister Qin asked, “What would you like to do to avoid this spiritless drinking? I rely upon you.”

The monk replied, “Riddles, forfeits, matching words, and defining words are all ways to relieve melancholy and tedium.”

The prime minister asked, “Are you able to recognize written characters, monk?”

Ji Gong replied, “Oh, though I would not dare to say that I recognize written characters, I do know one or two.”

“If we were to do forfeits,” said Prime Minister Qin, “would you like to forfeit by drinking or would you rather risk something else?”

The monk answered, “I do not want to wager drinks. If the Great One will give a sentence to be matched and I then match it, I will win ten thousand ounces of silver from the great man. If I cannot match it, I will lose ten thousand ounces of silver. The Great One is wondering how I, a poor monk, could afford to lose ten thousand ounces of silver. Does not the Great One wish to tear down the Great Memorial Pagoda of mine? If I lose, I will give the memorial pagoda to the Great One.”

When the prime minister heard this, he was delighted and said, “I will first try out your literary style. If you truly are a man of learning, then I will make wagers with you. I will first give you two words to match.”

The monk said, “Speak, Great One.”

“‘Secluded study,’” said Prime Minister Qin.

The monk said, “I will match it with the words ‘thatched cottage.’”

The prime minister nodded and said, “‘Open window.’”

The monk said, “‘Closed door.’”

Prime Minister Qin said, “‘Read books.’”

The monk said, “‘Write words.’”

The prime minister said, “You have lost, monk. My six words together make a sentence: ‘The window of the secluded study is open while the books are being read.’ Your ‘thatched cottage closed door write words’ is not a sentence.”

The monk countered, “Those six of words of mine together also make a sentence: ‘The thatched cottage door was closed when the words were written.’ Prime Minister, you have just lost the seat of your britches.”

Prime Minister Qin exclaimed, “Do not fool around, monk! I will now give you some words by splitting up the characters. If you match them, I will have lost ten thousand ounces of silver to you.”

The monk said, “That is also all right.”

The prime minister said, “The character for ‘ripe’ and the character for ‘finally’ together make the character for ‘intoxicated.’ The character for ‘eye’ and the character for ‘drop’ together make the character for ‘sleep.’ My sentences are: ‘The poet Li Taibo sleeps on the mountainside, holding his arms around a large jar of wine. He is not aware that he is asleep and he is not aware that he is rather drunk.’”

The monk drank a cup of wine and, laughing loudly, said, “Ha, ha! This is a good one to match. The character for ‘moon’ and the character for ‘increase’ together make the character for ‘extend.’ The character for ‘moon’ and the character for ‘half’ together make the character for ‘fat.’ My sentences are: ‘Madame Qin walks around the courtyard, holding her arms around her large stomach. She is not aware of how far it extends, and she is not aware that she is rather fat.’”

As the prime minister heard this, he shook his finger at the monk saying, “Do not make jokes, monk!” He thought to himself: “This monk is really mischievous. I will give him another set of words to match and let him know that Prime Minister Qin is a learned and elegantly literary man.” He searched his mind for something with an ornamental style, but with a hidden pearl of meaning. Then he asked, “How was it that, when the original Buddha released all other beings from bondage, he seemed to do just the opposite with the monks? Was that not a blunder?”

The monk replied, “Ah, Great One, that is really very good, but my mediocre talents are very shallow.”

Prime Minister Qin said, “Match it and I will have lost another ten thousand ounces of silver. If you cannot match it, I will tear down your memorial pagoda.”

The monk said, “Good,” and after drinking a cup of wine, continued. “I will give you a match. It is just as it is when the Son of Heaven takes up the jade lock and chain and places them about the neck of a great minister and commissions him as the prime minister. Again I have won ten thousand ounces of silver.”

Prime Minister Qin thought, “It is just as I expected. The monk is full of talent. I cannot win by matching words with him.” Then he said aloud, “Let us not match words any more. Let us try forfeits.”

The monk said, “If it is to be forfeits, we will do forfeits. The Great One has said it, so the Great One may start.”

The prime minister said, “I want to talk about two men of ancient times and two things. These two men were both quite fat. Their occupations were the same, but they had different opportunities. Therefore, in the picture, which we may now imagine, one is moving and one is still. If you also can describe such an imaginary picture, you will be the winner, and if you cannot, you will be the loser.”

The monk said, “Tell me more about your imaginary picture first, Great One.”

Prime Minister Qin said, “Monk, you must listen carefully. In the distance we see a tall shrine; in the foreground we see a water buffalo. Lu Dongbin is drunk and is sleeping in the Yueh Yang shrine. Sun Binjia is stealing a ride on the water buffalo.”

The monk said, “In the distance we see a hut; in the foreground we see a fish. Zhang Fei reflects in his hut; Ching De hangs up a fish by its heels.”

The prime minister said, “Monk, you have lost ten thousand ounces of silver. As for Zhang Fei reflecting in his hut, you may even say that Zhang Fei reflects in his hut three times over. But Ching De hangs up a fish by its heels! Where do fish have legs?”

The monk answered, “A fish may have all four legs if it is a griddle fish, and that is what we call the green turtle.”

Indeed, there was in that very room a griddle shaped like a turtle, with four legs and a turtle’s head and tail, commonly used over open fires; the green turtle had taken its nickname from such griddles. The prime minister was left with no further argument and again he admitted that the monk had won another ten thousand ounces of silver. Then he thought to himself, “I must still think of a way to triumph over him.”

Going outside, he said to the servant Qin An, “Take a gift presentation box and put into it some chilled gelatinous rice cakes. Then wait outside. The monk will be asked to guess what is in the box. If he guesses that the box has nothing in it, take the box of rice cakes and bring it in. If he guesses that the box has something in it, then you bring in the empty box.” Qin An nodded in assent.

The prime minister went back inside and said, “Monk, I have been wondering for a long time whether you could predict the past and the future. Therefore I have just sent a man to get a box, about which you may make a guess. Guess whether the box has anything inside or not. If you guess correctly, I will have lost another ten thousand ounces of silver. If you guess incorrectly, I will tear down your memorial pagoda.”

The monk said, “Great One, you are becoming too reckless.”

Prime Minister Qin said, “I am not taking reckless chances at all. I want to test your abilities.”