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If you are a student of elementary English desirous of attaining literary polish in an enjoyable manner,

If you are an ordinary citizen, burning with the ambition to become an author,

If you are a solitary individual wishing for a better chance to express yourself,

If you own a printing-press and would like to learn how to issue a high-grade paper,

If you are a mature person eager to make up for a youthful lack of culture,

If you are a professor or teacher seeking a new method of interesting your English class, or

If you are an author or person of ripe scholarship, anxious to aid your cruder brothers on their way, then

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO BECOME A MEMBER OF THE UNITED AMATEUR PRESS ASSOCIATION.

H. P. LOVECRAFT,

Vice-President.