Читать книгу She - HC Warner - Страница 20

‘Gosh, I’m so nervous that my hands are sweating!’ Jo shook her head and tried to laugh but found that she couldn’t. ‘It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?’

Peter glanced in the rear-view mirror, before pulling out and overtaking an ancient campervan that was dawdling along the dual carriageway in front of them. ‘I’d say it’s perfectly understandable, given the way she’s behaved.’

Jo shot him a grateful look. She should never have doubted it, but she was pathetically relieved that he hadn’t blamed her for the rift.

After Bella and Ben had stormed out, she had spent the whole of Christmas Day crying. Emma had more or less passed out on the sofa, having drunk half a bottle of whisky to alleviate the shock of her accident, while Peter had finished preparing a lunch that none of them wanted, leaving Jo to sob into her wine glass.

‘It’ll be OK,’ Peter had reassured her, although the tiny muscle pulsating in his cheek had given the lie to his words.

‘It won’t!’ Jo wailed. ‘She’s won, Peter. She wanted him all to herself and now she’s got him. I can’t believe I thought we’d struck lucky with her because she wouldn’t want to take Ben away from us – how wrong could I have been! If only I hadn’t opened my big bloody mouth.’

Peter’s own mouth had set in a hard, straight line. ‘It wouldn’t have made any difference. If it wasn’t that, it would have been something else. She was just waiting for her moment.’

Jo burst into tears again. ‘But why? What have we done to her to make her hate us?’

Peter shook his head. He had a look of cold fury in his eyes. ‘Who knows?’

Jo blew her nose. ‘And you were being so extra nice to her, too.’

‘I was being nice to her because I knew she was waiting for us to make a wrong move. I was determined not to give her the ammunition.’

It all made sense now, the non-alcoholic mulled wine and the over-enthusiastic welcome. ‘But then you didn’t need to give her the ammunition – I did it for you.’

Jo covered her face with her tissue, letting it absorb the tears that refused to stop falling.

Peter put his heavy, reassuring hands on her heaving shoulders. ‘It was bad luck, darling. She caught you at a particularly bad moment.’

‘You don’t blame me then?’ Jo looked up at him through her swimming eyes.

Peter gave her a tired, worried smile. ‘Of course I don’t. I could never blame you for anything.’

‘What the hell are we going to do though, Peter? I can’t bear the thought of losing Ben.’

Peter shook his head. ‘We won’t lose him. We just have to wait. She’ll come round, eventually. Mark my words, once the baby arrives everything else will be forgotten.’

But it had taken so much longer than any of them had ever imagined. Jo had sent a card apologizing for what she said, as well as texts and calls but they all went unacknowledged. When Elodie was born, all they received from Ben was a short text telling them her name and weight and confirming that everything was OK.

Both Peter and Jo had called his mobile number, which seemed to be no longer in use. Emma had also tried repeatedly without success, which hurt Jo far more than their refusal to have anything to do with her and Peter. Emma was as bewildered and perplexed as her parents but as she was travelling a lot for work, she didn’t have as much time to dwell on it as Jo did.

Day after day, Jo clung to her phone, praying for it to ring. She felt as though someone had taken her heart and wrenched it out of her chest. The cold fingers of fear that she really might never see her darling boy again tightened their grip with every passing week.

She thought about calling Matt, reasoning that any information, even second-hand, would be preferable to the deafening silence they were currently enduring. But as she began to dial his number, she was overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment. What if Matt knew about the row she’d had with Bella and had taken her side? She felt so fragile that she didn’t think she could take another barrage of criticism.

So she waited, trying to distract herself with her voluntary work at the local hospice and consoling herself that while her life was something of a struggle right now, at least she had a life. These poor people were nearing the end of theirs and it did at least help to put her own problems into perspective.

If anything, Peter took the estrangement even harder than she did. He and Ben had always been extremely close and he seemed to be finding it almost impossible to process why his only son would cut them off so abruptly. He wasn’t sleeping, he had lost weight and his blood pressure had shot up. Jo knew it was all stress-related and yet she was utterly helpless to do anything about it. Only a call from Ben would put things right.

By the time the invitation to visit came, she had almost given up hope. She was at home one evening, staring unseeingly at a drama on the television that she was only vaguely following, when her mobile rang. She glanced at the screen and did a double-take as his home number flashed up. Once upon a time it was a mundane, sometimes even unwelcome sight. Now, it was as if she had won the lottery. Almost not daring to believe it, she answered the call. Hearing his voice after so long brought instant tears to her eyes, especially as he sounded so normal, as if everything was just as it ever was.

And now here they were, on their way to visit them for the very first time since Elodie was born. Jo ran her hands over her jeans, hoping they wouldn’t still be sweating when she held her. It was so daft, to worry about how to hold a baby when she had managed to bring up two children of her own quite happily. But she knew her every move would be under scrutiny and she couldn’t afford to make any more slip-ups.

They pulled up outside the red brick Victorian block that housed Ben’s flat. Peter turned off the ignition and turned towards Jo. ‘Well, here goes …’

Jo nodded, not trusting herself to speak, reassured that Peter was obviously as nervous as she was. She gathered the flowers and presents from the boot before making their way to the front door. Just as Peter was about to ring the bell, the door swung open and Ben was in front of them.

‘Hi, Mum, hi, Dad.’ He hesitated before reaching out to give Peter a hug. ‘You’ve lost weight, Dad, are you OK?’

Peter smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes, and nodded. ‘I am now.’

It always made Jo feel emotional when she saw her husband and son embrace and today even more so, as it seemed to hold so much more meaning. ‘Hello, darling, these are for Bella – and Elodie.’ Jo thrust the bag of presents and flowers towards Ben, feeling awkward and shy.

Ben grinned. ‘Thanks, Mum, come on in!’

They followed him into the flat, nervously looking around for Bella. ‘Bella’s just put Elodie down for her lunchtime nap,’ Ben said, pre-empting the question. ‘She’ll be out in a minute.’

Jo exhaled as she sat down gingerly on the soft taupe sofa. Peter joined her. ‘So … cup of tea?’ Ben offered. They both nodded gratefully.

As he retreated to the kitchen, Jo looked up at Peter questioningly. He threw his hands in the air with a ‘don’t ask me’ expression. She didn’t dare speak, in case Bella overheard her. Eventually, Ben returned with two mugs of tea and placed them on the coffee table, before sitting down in the armchair. ‘So … how have you been?’ His voice was slightly higher than usual.

‘Fine …’ Jo began, but Peter interrupted her.

‘Not great – we’ve been wondering when we’d finally get to meet Elodie.’ His words came out in a torrent, as if he had been waiting a long time for them to spill out.

‘Peter …’ Jo reached out and touched his leg but he silenced her with his hand.

‘No, Jo.’ He fixed Ben with his steely gaze. ‘I want to know why you haven’t been in touch. Have you any idea how upset your mother’s been? How upset I’ve been, for that matter?’ His voice caught as he finished speaking and for a horrible moment, Jo thought he might actually cry. She had never seen him like this before, almost shaking with pent-up emotion.

Ben’s face reddened and he swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry.’ He looked down as he composed himself. ‘We’ve been so busy with the baby. Time ran away from me.’

‘Rubbish!’ Peter spat. ‘You forget that we’ve had two children ourselves and yes, it’s hard work, but it’s also possible to find time to make a bloody phone-call! How could you have left it for so long? Do you have any idea how hurtful that was?’

His face by now almost puce, Ben opened his mouth to reply.

‘It was because of me,’ said Bella, who had appeared silently at the door.

Jo and Peter both swung around to look at her in surprise. Over the distance of the past few months, Jo had re-imagined her daughter-in-law as some kind of monster, with evil eyes and a snarling mouth. Yet here she was, looking serene and pretty, her slim figure showing no sign of a recent pregnancy in her skinny jeans and fitted shirt.

Bella stepped into the room and faced them. ‘I didn’t want Ben to contact you. I’m sorry. I was just so hurt by what happened at Christmas and …’

‘Of course you were!’ Relief made Jo gush as she leaped to her feet. She reached out to hug Bella but thought better of it when Bella wrapped her arms defensively around her body. ‘I am so sorry for what I said, Bella, it was in the heat of the moment and I was feeling very stressed after Emma’s accident …’ Jo tailed off, unsure how to continue.

Bella nodded and adopted a stoic expression. ‘It’s fine. Let’s forget about it.’

Jo nodded. ‘Thank you. How are you, Bella? You look truly amazing! I can’t believe how quickly you got your figure back.’