Читать книгу My Trans Parent - Heather Bryant - Страница 45

Of all the things that impact a family, the strongest for most are the secrets. Five years without telling. Estrangement. Not sharing with some family members. Not telling the truth. The longer and more buried the secrets, the more difficult to unravel.

In my family, we didn’t tell my extended family for years. By the time we did, almost 20 years later, no one knew what to say. The silence continued because none of us had any way to talk about it. We avoided the subject because we didn’t know what to say.

I remember a cousin asking me once if I would see my dad on a trip overseas. This was before she knew the truth. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I remember seizing up inside, feeling a momentary panic. “What should I say?” I thought. After a pause, I replied in the affirmative, keeping my response vague. The fact of the matter was I would be seeing my dad that year— just not overseas, and not in the form that she once knew.

We spent years with secrets that kept our family in hiding. It took a long time to untangle them and bring them out.

The ability to talk about it, to say what we’re feeling is something that doesn’t come automatically. It’s something that must be learned and practiced. This learning curve happens alongside the changes in your family and your parent. If you’re wondering where to start, look for the secrets. Find out where those are and pull them out if you can. Uncover the secrets. Don’t let them sit in the dark. Try to bring them out into the light of day. Start there. Start anywhere. Let this be a chance to know more about your family, not less. Let the conversations start.