Читать книгу Modern Romance January Books 5-8 - Heidi Rice - Страница 20

GRACIE DRAGGED HER comb through her hair, determined to take each day with delight. She was living ‘in the moment’, which basically meant point-blank refusing to think beyond bedtime. Truth be told, she was struggling to think of anything but bedtime. Especially when she’d fallen asleep last night and missed out entirely on the intimacy she enjoyed so much with him—even more because she’d felt closer to him than ever after what he’d told her.

And what he’d pointed out. He’d seen through her—to the loneliness she’d felt and that lingering hurt from years before. But what was more unsettling was that he’d admitted his own.

But then she’d slept right through till the alarm he’d set and she’d had to scramble for the shower because otherwise she was going to be late for work.

‘I have to go to Paris for a few days. Meetings.’ Rafael walked into the bathroom and wrapped his arms around her, stopping her from fixing her bed hair.

‘Nice.’ Gracie nodded, not paying all that much attention to what he was saying—how could she, when he was bare-chested and she was quivering with unquenched desire for him? All she wanted to do was embrace him and hold him close for ever.

‘Come with me.’

She sharpened her focus on his words rather than his looks. ‘You mean to Paris?’

‘Yes, to Paris.’ He mocked her breathiness.

She leaned back to look into his face and see his expression. This time she made herself ignore all the bronzed skin and sharply defined muscles in front of her. She swallowed.

The whisper of uncertainty she’d been feeling all morning thickened into a fog. This was only supposed to be her indulgence—a few days, that was all. He could not possibly be offering her this in the way she so desperately wanted him to mean.

She’d not told him quite everything last night. Her dinner arrangement with Alex had been a little self-administered test for herself. To see if she could have a night away from Rafe, to ensure she still had control of this. Of her heart. And when he’d shown up? She had been stupidly happy to see him. When he’d stood up to Alex’s son, even though he’d jumped to the wrong conclusion, her heart had stopped altogether. So touched. He’d seen through her—to her pain, to her tiredness—and that hour with him on the boat had been one of the best hours of her life...so she was in such trouble. A romantic weekend in Paris was only going to further blur the boundaries for her. Because she’d love it. She’d love it far too much.

‘I have a job.’ She cleared her throat. ‘A job I usually work double shifts at. Not to mention your party is next week, or have you forgotten that? And I have other things to do in Bellezzo.’

‘There are other things to do in Paris too. You can go to all the pastry shops. You could consider it a work trip if you must.’ He pulled her closer. ‘It’s only for a few days. We could dine at a different restaurant every night, we could walk along the river, we could even dance... When was the last time you had a holiday?’

It was so tempting that she couldn’t quite bring herself to say no right away. But somehow he already knew.

‘You’re not going to say yes,’ he said, a frown growing on his face.

‘I can’t say I’m not tempted.’ She couldn’t lie. She was unbearably tempted, but that was exactly why she couldn’t say yes. She put her palm on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. ‘But I don’t want to tear around the place following...not just you, not anyone.’ She hoped he’d understand this, he had to understand. ‘I’ve done that most of my life. I want just the one place. I want a home.’

‘I’m not asking you to leave your job and never return.’ He couldn’t quite keep the sarcasm out of his reply. ‘It’s only for a few days.’

‘At the height of the tourist season here. People are counting on me. I’m not going to let Francesca down.’

Francesca had been the next to welcome her after Alex. She’d given her a job, she’d let her experiment. Gracie owed her.

‘We can find another designer dress and hit the Paris Opera,’ Rafe wheedled with a wink. ‘I’m sure I can find fireworks or fountains to entertain you with.’

‘That was fun as a one-off...’

‘You know you can’t resist.’

And there was the problem. She needed to know she could resist. She felt vulnerable, like she was teetering on the brink of a very big black hole.

‘I can if you’re not going to be here.’ She smiled.

But he didn’t smile back. ‘You need this trip.’

‘Do I?’ She felt suddenly edgy.

She couldn’t let him tempt her. Then she’d have given way on everything—to sleeping with him, to staying with him, to going away with him. After her parents’ war with her as collateral, she’d sworn not to lose control of her life again, not to allow someone else to make all the decisions—but Rafe threatened more than that. He threatened her heart.

‘I thought you were all about being brave and honest and adventurous,’ he said. ‘You told me life was precious. And you wanted some wildness.’

‘And Paris is going to be wild?’ She tried to tease but it sounded petulant and bitter. Right now she was bitter. This wasn’t what they’d agreed. It wasn’t fair of him to change the rules now when she knew he didn’t want anything more than this. For him it was just a fun affair.

‘With me, sure.’

She shook her head. ‘I can’t go with you.’

‘You want to spend the rest of your life hiding in this sleepy village?’ His frustration became audible.

‘I’m not hiding. I’m happy.’

‘Are you? So happy that you fall into bed with the first man who shows you some interest?’

Shocked, she stared at him. That hit hurt. ‘Do you really think you were the first man to show interest in me? That you were the only chance I’ve ever had?’ She pulled herself up haughtily. ‘Don’t go thinking you did me a favour. I picked you.’

‘So pick me again,’ he dared coolly. ‘Come to Paris.’

‘I don’t want to go to Paris. I don’t want to go anywhere.’

‘You just want to fritter away your life doing nothing here? You’re letting your skills go to waste. You should have your own bakery, not work all hours building a business for someone else. And you’re never going to meet the man of your dreams while living with a bunch of oldies in this sleepy little village.’

His words slapped because the cruel irony was she’d done exactly that. She’d met him. But she was nothing more than his summer holiday fling—merely a way to pass the time while he decided what to do with his latest possession. In fact, wasn’t she just another of those?

‘Perhaps I only want short affairs with tourists passing through,’ she sniped.

‘Gracie, please.’ He looked wild, then visibly tried to recover his temper. ‘You need a rest. You know you do.’

‘Yes. Maybe now is a good time for us to have a rest from each other,’ she said quietly, ignoring the tightening in her lungs. She needed to know she could have that break from him.

He glared at her. ‘I offer you the chance to go to Paris and you’re angry with me.’

‘And you’re angry with me,’ she replied tightly, trying to hold on to her emotions. ‘It seems we’ve disappointed each other.’

‘I just wanted to do something nice. Us. Together.’ He growled. ‘Something that isn’t...’ He gestured in futility.

But there was no ‘us’, and they weren’t going to be together. Not for long. He’d made that perfectly clear from the start and she knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. He was messing this up and she couldn’t let him. She felt more at risk than she’d been even in those years abroad with her mother, and it scared her.

‘What is it you don’t like about Paris?’ he prodded with a forced smile. ‘The food?’

‘Of course not,’ she said. Sadness rose within her—the sadness she’d always suppressed. ‘For years my life was uprooted on a whim. Mum allowed me one bag and we had to steal away in the middle of the night countless times. I had to leave all the things I’d tried so hard to build. I don’t want to just jump to someone’s orders like that ever again.

‘I know you didn’t mean it that way, I know it’s only a few days...but I’m still... I’m still mastering the art of navigating my own ship. I don’t want to jump just because you’ve asked me to.’ She looked into his face, willing him to understand. ‘And that dress, for that party at the palazzo—that was a one-off. I’m not Cinderella, you’re not my fairy godmother or my Prince Charming, I don’t want to take things from you in that way. This thing between us isn’t like that.’

‘This thing?’

‘Yes. This affair.’

‘It’s an affair?’

She flushed and anger gleamed in her eyes. ‘I don’t know what to call it. I just don’t want it to become any more complicated.’

Somehow he was irritated again as well. ‘So I’m not to come back with an emerald bracelet or diamond necklace for you, my current lover?’

‘Of course not.’ She was appalled at the thought. Was that what he did for other women he’d slept with? She hated that idea—she didn’t know that side of him at all. And she didn’t want to.

‘You don’t like gifts?’

‘No.’

‘So, no gifts, no travel. What do you like?’

She liked him. Her heart pounded as she answered. ‘Control.’

‘Really?’ His eyebrows arched. ‘You don’t want anything else from me apart from this?’ He drew her closer.

‘I really don’t.’ She sucked in a breath. ‘I only want what we agreed. Only you. Only now.’

For some reason Rafe was even angrier when he really should have been relieved. She was holding fast to their initial agreement. But once again, when she delivered what he’d thought he wanted from her, he found he wanted the exact opposite.

‘So have me, then,’ he challenged her bluntly.

He didn’t want to talk any more, didn’t want to question. He wanted to make her pay. He’d tease and torment her so she’d be unable to forget him for these few days he’d be away. He wanted her to regret this rejection.

‘I don’t want to fight,’ he muttered, stripping her out of her underwear.

But in a way he wanted exactly that. Here and now.

He hoisted her into his arms, holding her so he could kiss her exactly where and how he knew she liked it the most. Making her moan, making her shake with urgency and need until she was twisting beneath him. But he wouldn’t give her what she wanted. Not yet. Not when she frustrated him so completely. He was irritated with himself for wanting her so badly, as much as he was irritated with her refusal to go away with him. He couldn’t hold back the emotion he felt from her rejection and he demanded recompense. He wanted to make her want him more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. Hell, he was turning into a complete egotist.

He’d leave for Paris immediately—get his meetings concluded quickly so he could come back and burn this out entirely and then he’d go back home to Manhattan. He’d been here too long already anyway. That’d leave her free to find whatever it was her heart wanted. Because he knew it wouldn’t be him for much longer. But in kissing her, in touching her, it was his own control that slipped.

‘Rafe. Rafe,’ she begged him. ‘Please, please.’

She was so responsive, so welcoming, so damn hot. And so deliciously quick. In the end he couldn’t resist his own driving need to get close to her again. To make peace. He wanted her too much. His plan to make her pay was shredded as emotion claimed control of his mind and body. He didn’t want her to be angry, but happy. Content. Glowing. To welcome him, to move with him. Together. In the end, the only thing he could gift her in this moment was himself.