Читать книгу The Pregnancy Plan / Hope's Child - Helen R. Myers - Страница 12

As a child, Ashley had always looked forward to the first day of school. As a teacher, she still did.

Maybe it would be different if she taught high school, where the students were more sullen and jaded. But for a group of five-and six-year-olds, entering first grade was as thrilling an event as Columbus’s discovery of a whole new world. They were all so young and eager to learn, and Ashley found their excitement and enthusiasm never failed to recharge her own.

She didn’t usually have supervision duty on Wednesday mornings, but like most other teachers on staff at Parkdale Elementary School, it was a tradition to meet on the playground behind the school so the students could catch a glimpse of their teachers before they entered the classroom, and vice versa. She knew most of the kids who would be in her class, of course, because the majority had attended kindergarten at the same school the previous year. But there were always a few new faces, children who had moved into the neighborhood over the summer and who were even more anxious about the first day because everything was strange and unfamiliar.

It was easy to spot the new ones, and Ashley liked to introduce herself before the first bell and to meet with the mother who was usually present and in whose hand a much smaller one would be tightly clasped.

She had three new students this year and she’d already made the rounds to say hello and invite the parents to come into the classroom. Some would accept her offer and, in doing so, would feel reassured about the environment in which they’d left their children. Others would decline, knowing that it would only make saying goodbye that much more difficult for the child. Ashley was supportive of either decision, trusting that the parent knew his or her child better than she did—at least on the first day.

She smiled at Adam Webber, one of the fifth-grade teachers and the boys’ basketball coach, when he came out of the school with the ever-present orange ball tucked under his arm.

“Look at them.” Adam shook his head. “So eager and enthusiastic.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll beat that out of them soon enough.”

He grinned easily at her teasing, because he knew he was one of the favorite teachers at Parkdale. “How does your class look this year? Or should I wait until the end of the day to ask you?”

“Twenty-three kids. Ten boys, thirteen girls.”

“Twenty-four,” he said.

“What?”

“Haven’t you seen Wendy this morning?” Adam asked, referring to the principal’s administrative assistant.

“No, I came directly around the back.”

“She told me she has an updated class list for you.”

“But I just picked up the list yesterday. And I did all of the name tags and locker magnets last night.”

He shrugged. “I’m just the messenger.”

Ashley turned to go into the school, and that’s when she saw her.

The child looked the right age for a first grader, with long, dark hair and wide, terrified eyes. She was wearing a sleeveless pink dress with tiny white daisies embroidered at the square neckline and along the hem, with matching pink canvas sneakers embroidered with the same flowers on the toes.

Obviously the newest addition.

Feeling an instinctive stir of empathy, Ashley had already started forward when she glanced from the child to parent—and froze.

The man holding the little girl’s hand was Cam Turcotte.

Ashley stopped by Wendy’s office and grabbed the new class list before ducking into her classroom and closing the door at her back. She just needed five minutes alone. Five minutes to assimilate the reality that had been shoved in her face. Five minutes to accept that Cam had a child—that the baby she’d once dreamed of having with him had been born to someone else.

She didn’t want to believe it. And yet she couldn’t deny it was true. There was no doubt the little girl with the shiny dark hair and wide green eyes clinging to his hand as if he was the center of her world could be anyone but his daughter.

But how could she not have known?

Cam might have moved away more than twelve years ago, but his parents had remained in town. In fact, it had been from his mother that she’d heard about his marriage to Danica, and that news had hit her the same way.

Gayle Turcotte, apparently recognizing how much the revelation had hurt Ashley, had been careful not to make any further mention of her son’s life in Seattle whenever their paths had crossed. She’d certainly never mentioned the baby girl that Cam’s wife had given birth to.

Madeline Carrington-Turcotte, according to the updated class list she’d inadvertently crumpled in her fist.

Cam had always been very traditional, so she would bet that the hyphenated name was his ex-wife’s idea. Just because Ashley had been foolish enough to doodle “Ashley Turcotte” inside the cover of her notebooks when she was in high school didn’t mean another woman would feel the same way about taking her husband’s name.

In any event, she and Cam had broken up more than twelve years earlier, so she knew it was ridiculous to feel so hurt by the knowledge that he’d had a child with another woman. But that knowledge failed to lessen her sense of betrayal.

Because when Cam had left her, one of the reasons he’d given for ending their relationship was that he didn’t want the life she’d envisioned for them—not yet.

“I’ve decided to go to Seattle,” he told her.

Ashley stared at him, feeling as if the very ground beneath her feet had begun to crumble. “Washington?”

He nodded. “Their School of Medicine is one of the best in the country.”

“But—” She didn’t quite know what to say, how to respond to something that he’d obviously already decided upon, and without even discussing it with her “—but you have at least three years before med school.”

“I know. But staying here, going to a university closer to home, it will only delay the inevitable.”

Inevitable? What was it that he thought was inevitable?

Ashley didn’t ask, because in her heart, she was afraid she already knew the answer. But she pushed aside her fears.

“There are good medical schools that aren’t on the other side of the country. Like Northwestern and Cornell. Even Chapel Hill would be better than Washington.”

“I want to go to Washington.”

She’d heard the finality in his voice, and her eyes had filled with tears. “You’re breaking up with me.”

He glanced away. “This is for the best, Ash.”

“Best for who?” she demanded.

“For both of us. Do you think this was an easy decision for me to make?”

“How would I know—since you never talked to me about it?”

“Because I knew you would try to convince me to stay. And because I was afraid I would let you.” He reached out and took her hands. “Because there’s a part of me that wants nothing more than to stay here with you.”

The seemingly heartfelt words and the warmth of his touch failed to thaw the icy numbness that had taken hold of her.

She managed to speak, though she didn’t manage to disguise the anguish in her tone when she asked, “Then why are you leaving?”

“Because we want different things, Ash. Being a doctor has been my dream for as long as I can remember.”

“You said you wanted to get married.”

“I do,” he agreed. “Someday. But I’m nowhere near being ready to make that kind of commitment yet. I’m not even close to thinking about being a husband or a father.”

As it turned out, that wasn’t exactly true.

Because only a few years later, before Ashley had even graduated from teacher’s college, he had married. He’d become someone else’s husband. And now she knew that he’d become a father, too.

He’d had the family she always wanted, and she was still alone.

Ashley wiped the tears from her cheeks, reminding herself that she wasn’t going to be alone forever. Despite her initial appointment at PARC having to be rescheduled, she was going to have a baby. And while she couldn’t deny a certain amount of disappointment that her child wouldn’t also have a father, she’d made her decision.

She wouldn’t regret that the baby she’d so often dreamed of having with Cam Turcotte would never be. And she absolutely wouldn’t let herself consider the possibility that his return to Pinehurst could change anything. Especially now that she knew he already was a father.

The ring of the bell jolted her out of her reverie. She hastily wiped the last of the moisture from her cheeks, pasted a smile on her face and opened the door to greet her new students.

She wasn’t sure how she made it through the day, but when the bell sounded at three o’clock, Ashley nearly wept with relief.

It took a few more minutes, of course, to ensure all the kids had their agendas and the assortment of documents that always went home on the first day. But the halls eventually emptied and quiet descended, and Ashley sank back into her chair.

“One day down, only one hundred and eighty-something to go.”

Ashley looked up, startled to see her sister in the doorway. Megan rarely ever came to the school to see Ashley, and the fact that she’d done so now indicated that she had something on her mind.

“One hundred and eighty-six,” Ashley told her. “But what dragged you out of the lab in the middle of the day?”

Megan practically floated into the room. She wasn’t usually the floating type, but she was obviously excited about something so Ashley tried to muster some enthusiasm for her.

“I had an appointment this side of town.” Megan came further into the room, some of the sparkle in her eyes fading as she looked more closely at her sister. “But let’s talk about what’s going on with you first.”

Ashley shook her head. She couldn’t talk about it. She didn’t know what to say, how to explain.

“Come on, Ash. You love the first day of school. I thought you’d be ready to go out and celebrate the beginning of a new year with a great big chocolate fudge brownie sundae at Walton’s.”

“Let’s just say that the day didn’t go exactly as planned.”

“I don’t understand.”

She sighed and pushed her class list across the desk. Megan picked up the page, frowning. Then her eyes widened.

“Madeline Carrington-Turcotte?”

Ashley nodded. “Cam’s daughter.”

“Oh, Ash.”

“She’s beautiful,” she said softly. “And very sweet and shy. She doesn’t say much, but she watches and she listens, her big green eyes taking everything in.”

“Of all the classrooms in all the schools in all the world, she walks into yours.”

Ashley managed to smile at the deliberate misquotation. “I just … I didn’t know how to react. I was completely unprepared. I had no idea that he had a child, never mind one I would end up teaching.”

“But he lives down the street,” Megan reminded her. “You never saw her?”

She shook her head. “He only moved in on the weekend. I saw the truck, saw furniture being unloaded, but I didn’t pay attention to anything else.” And she was regretting that now.

“Chocolate fudge brownie sundae?” Meg prompted gently.

Ashley managed to smile. “That sounds like the perfect way to end a crappy day.”

One of the reasons Cam had moved back to Pinehurst was to be able to spend more time with both his parents and his daughter. Another added benefit was that his parents were not just willing but happy to provide after-school care for Maddie on the days that he couldn’t get away from the office in time to pick her up. But he refused to let her first day of school be one of those days, and when she came racing across the grass and into his arms, he was more certain than ever that this move was the best thing for both of them.

He felt a slight twinge when he recalled the shock—and the pain—he’d seen in Ashley’s eyes when she saw him with Madeline that morning, and he realized the first-grade teacher might not agree. But he refused to worry about that while he walked home, hand in hand with his daughter, listening to her animated conversation the whole way.

He remembered her kindergarten teacher expressing concern that Maddie was too quiet in class, silent and withdrawn. But Cam knew it wasn’t a character flaw, just her personality. She’d always been shy with strangers, but at home and with her family, she was quite the little chatterbox.

“Do you want a snack?” he asked.

“Ice cream,” she said hopefully, hopping onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

“We don’t have any.”

She pouted. “You promised to get ice cream.”

“I know I did, but I forgot.”

His admission of guilt didn’t appease her and though Cam knew the dangers of being over-indulgent, he figured the first day at a new school warranted an exception to the rules.

“So why don’t you go wash up and we’ll go to Walton’s?”

“Who’s Walton?”

He smiled. “Walton isn’t a who but a where, and it’s where we go to get the very best ice cream in all of Pinehurst, New York.”

“Really?” Her eyes were almost as wide as her smile.

“Really.”

She hopped off of her stool and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Thanks, Daddy. You’re the best.”

Twenty minutes later, he handed a strawberry sundae to Maddie before accepting his double scoop of butter pecan from the teenager behind the counter and turned to look for a vacant table. A quick glance around the room revealed that there weren’t any.

“There’s my teacher, Daddy.”

Maddie’s words registered at the exact moment his gaze landed on Ashley, seated with her sister at a table for four on the other side of the room.

“Her name’s Miss Ashley,” his daughter reminded him.

Cam nodded.

“She’s very pretty,” Maddie said. “And she smiles a lot and she doesn’t yell. Not even when the skinny boy with the curly hair forgot to ask to go to the bathroom and went pee right in his pants.”

His lips curved. “Not even then?”

Maddie shook her head solemnly.

“So maybe first grade won’t be so bad, huh?”

“Maybe,” she allowed. “But it’s really too soon to tell.”

He was smiling at her comment as he guided her toward Ashley and Megan’s table.

“Looks like someone else decided to celebrate the first day of school with ice cream,” Ashley noted, her attention and smile focused on Madeline.

“It seemed appropriate,” Cam said.

“We thought the same thing,” Megan said, when Ashley failed to respond to his comment.

“But there don’t seem to be any vacant tables,” he pointed out. “So we were hoping you wouldn’t object to us joining you.”

“Of course not,” Megan said, though she cast a worried glance across the table.

Ashley still didn’t say anything to him, but she slid across the bench she was sitting on to make room for his daughter. Maddie smiled shyly at her and carefully set her dish on the table before climbing up beside her teacher.

“Thanks,” Cam said, taking the seat beside Megan. “I don’t remember it ever being so busy in here.”

“A lot changes in twelve years,” Ashley told him.

He met her gaze across the table and felt the zing of sparks that weren’t entirely attributable to her obvious annoyance with him.

“And some things,” he countered, “never do.”

Ashley ate her chocolate fudge brownie sundae so fast she was surprised she didn’t get brain freeze. But from the moment she’d looked up and spotted Cam in line at the counter, she’d wanted only to get out of Walton’s as quickly as possible. Thankfully her sister had sensed her discomfort and quickly finished her ice cream as well.

It was only after they’d said goodbye to Cam and Maddie and were on their way out the door that Ashley thought to ask again about the reasons for her sister’s unexpected midweek visit.

Megan dumped her empty dish and spoon in the garbage. “It really wasn’t that important.”

“Important enough to bring you to the school to talk to me.”

Her sister sighed. “Because I wanted to tell you first, but you’ve had a lot sprung on you already today.”

And Ashley knew her sister’s news and why she was suddenly reluctant to share it.

“You’re pregnant,” she guessed.

Meg nodded.

Ashley sucked in a breath.

Her sister was going to have a baby.

She felt a tug deep inside her heart. A combination of excitement and envy. She wanted to be happy for Megan. She was happy for her. And yet she couldn’t help but look at the life her sister was building with her new husband and wonder why all of the stars had aligned so perfectly for Megan and, seemingly at the same time, scattered everything in her own world.

A little more than six months earlier, she and Paige had struggled to convince Megan that she had nothing to lose by inviting Gage Richmond to be her date for Ashley’s engagement party. Megan had finally agreed, only because she’d been sure that Gage wouldn’t accept. But he had and, even on that first date, Ashley had seen the chemistry between them. Even more significantly, she’d recognized that there was a connection between them that she didn’t feel with the man she was planning to marry.

But she didn’t let that dissuade her from her plans, because she believed that there were more important things than connections. There were shared interests and common goals. Or maybe she’d deluded herself into thinking she and Trevor had shared interests and common goals because she so desperately wanted to get married and have a family of her own.

She wasn’t so desperate, however, that she was willing to overlook the fact that he’d been sleeping around on her almost from the time he’d put the ring on her finger. She’d been crushed to learn of his betrayal. And maybe, just a little, secretly relieved.

Because the closer the date had come for their wedding, the more she had started to realize that she was making a mistake. That she didn’t love Trevor as much as she should love the man she intended to marry. That she didn’t love him specifically as much as she loved the prospect of being a wife and mother.

Now Megan and Gage were married and getting ready to have a baby.

The tug came again. Stronger this time, but she pushed it aside. “Oh, Meg. That’s wonderful news.”

Her sister looked uncertain. “Are you really okay with this?”

“I’m thrilled for you,” Ashley told her, willing it to be true. “I was just caught off guard by your announcement. I didn’t even realize you and Gage were trying to have a baby.”

“Well, we weren’t actually trying, we just weren’t trying to prevent it.” She blushed prettily. “In fact, I think Gage is a little disappointed it happened as quickly as it did.”

“Obviously you guys are doing something right,” Ashley said.

Her sister’s blush deepened. “Everything is right with Gage. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone—or that anyone else would feel the same way about me. But he’s just—” her sigh was filled with blissful contentment “—amazing.”

“So are you,” Ashley told her sister. “Which is why you guys are so perfect for one another.”

“That’s what I want for you,” Megan said. “I know Trevor’s betrayal hit you hard, but you can’t give up hope that you’ll find someone to spend your life with just because of CBB.”

“I haven’t given up hope,” Ashley said, though she wasn’t entirely sure it was true. “I’m just not willing to put the rest of my life on hold while I wait around for Mr. Right to show up, because the reality is, there may not be a Mr. Right for me.”

“There is,” Megan insisted, and smiled slyly. “And I think he might already have shown up. Or maybe I should say shown up again.”

Ashley didn’t bother to respond. Cam Turcotte was part of her past, not her future, and she had no intention of arguing with her sister about that fact.

And no intention of letting herself yearn again for something that could never be.

Though it wasn’t one of their scheduled evenings to get together, Ashley wasn’t surprised when Paige showed up at her door Friday night. Or that she’d brought a bottle of her favorite merlot with her.

Ashley put together a platter of assorted crackers and cheeses and they took it out onto the porch with the wine.

“I don’t know why you’re paying rent on an apartment in Syracuse when you’ve been spending so much time in Pinehurst lately,” Ashley said to her.

“I’m only here on the weekends,” her cousin replied, glossing over the real issue. “Because it’s too far to commute to the office every day.”

“Seriously, Paige, what happened to your social life?”

Her cousin shrugged. “Things fizzled with Josh. Ben met someone else. As for Lucas—well, I realized I wasn’t secure enough to date a guy who’s prettier than me.”

Ashley had met Lucas once, and while she had to admit the man was unbelievably good-looking, she knew that her cousin’s serial dating was really a reflection of the nomadic childhood that had taught her, at an early age, not to form close attachments to people who wouldn’t be in her life for very long. The pattern had changed only when Paige’s father decided she needed more stability than his lifestyle afforded and finally left his daughter in the care of his sister and her husband. Ashley and Megan had forged an unbreakable bond with their cousin, but by habit or deliberation, she continued to keep everyone else at a distance.

“Is that why you’re here?” Ashley asked her now. “Because you had nothing better to do on a Friday night? Or because you were worried that I was going to fall apart?”

“You’re not the falling apart type,” Paige said, with such conviction Ashley almost believed her.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Seriously, you’ve dealt with a lot in the past six months and stood up through it all.”

“I had a minor meltdown on Wednesday,” she admitted, reaching for her glass. Thankfully the Fedentropin trial didn’t prohibit the consumption of alcohol, and the wine she’d drank was already helping smooth the roughest of the edges.

“When you found out Cam had a child? Or when you learned that your sister’s pregnant?”

“It was probably a combination of both.”

Paige nodded and set a slice of blue cheese on a rye cracker.

“I’m happy for Megan and Gage,” she said. “And I’m thrilled about the baby.”

“I know you are,” Paige agreed.

“I just want to know when it’s going to happen for me. When is it going to be my turn?”

“What happened to your appointment at the clinic?”

“I got bumped,” she grumbled. “The doctor had some kind of emergency.”

Her cousin smiled. “I think that’s the nature of the medical field.”

“I know. It just seems like one more detour sign on a road that’s been littered with them.”

“What kind of sign is Cam?”

Ashley sipped from her glass again. “Dead end.”

“Are you sure about that?” Paige asked. “Because if I’m not mistaken, that’s him walking up your driveway.”

Ashley set down her glass before she spilled the contents all over herself. “Don’t you dare leave—”

But Paige was already on her feet, reaching for the tray of snacks. “I’ll just go refresh this.” She turned and smiled at the uninvited guest who had stepped up onto the porch. “Hello, Cam,” she said, then slipped into the house before he could even respond.

Cam glanced at the closed door, then at Ashley. “Did I say something wrong?”

She didn’t smile at his attempted humor. “Not yet.”

He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just came over to apologize.”

“What, exactly, are you apologizing for?”

“For not telling you that I had a child.”

She lifted a shoulder. “You don’t owe me any apologies, Cam.”

“I didn’t mean to blindside you.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” he insisted. “Maybe I figured you would have heard about Maddie a long time ago, but I shouldn’t have counted on that, and I should have given you the courtesy of an explanation.”

“No explanation required. You dumped me, met someone else, got married, had a child.”

“It wasn’t quite that simple.”

“I’d say it was exactly that simple.”

“I’m not going to apologize for not wanting what you did when I was nineteen,” Cam said. “Because any nineteen-year-old who wants to marry his high school sweetheart is either blinded by lust or completely without ambition. I’d apologize for hurting you because I was insensitive jerk, but I’ve already done that and I’m tired of trekking down the same path.”

“Then you can just follow the path right back to your own house,” she said coldly.

He shook his head. “That would be the easy way, and I’m not taking the easy way again.”

“It’s a way out,” she said. “And that’s all you ever wanted.”

“Wrong. I wanted you, Ashley. I wanted you a hell of a lot more than I should have at that age, and it terrified me.”

“Obviously you got over it.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But that’s the real bitch of it—because I never did.”

“You married another woman. Had a child with another woman.” Her voice hitched, and she hated him for it. Hated him for the pain she felt every time she thought about the baby he’d given to someone else.

Cam lowered himself into the chair that Paige had vacated. “I married Danica because I thought we wanted the same things. By the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late. We were married, she was pregnant, and even knowing our marriage was a mistake, I wouldn’t wish it away for anything in the world because I got Maddie out of it.”

Ashley looked away. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family, and you ran as far and as fast as you could from me because you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment.”

“Twelve years ago, I wasn’t ready,” he agreed, then smiled wryly. “There are still days that I’m not ready, but Madeline doesn’t really give me a choice in the matter.”

Ashley didn’t smile back, but she did ask, “So how did you end up with custody?”

Cam realized he should have been prepared for the question; Ashley certainly wasn’t the first person to ask it. Because although the courts no longer awarded custody to mothers as a matter of course and shared custody arrangements were increasingly popular, it was still somewhat unusual for a father to be granted primary care of a child.

He’d always felt awkward explaining the situation, and he’d resented having to make excuses for what he’d believed for so long was simply his ex-wife’s disinterest. He knew differently now, but he still didn’t know how to make anyone else understand without sharing secrets that weren’t his to share.

“Staying with me offered Madeline more stability,” he finally responded to Ashley’s question. “Especially since Danica was already planning to move to London.”

Ashley frowned as she sipped her wine. “And she was okay with that arrangement? She just moved to another continent and left her child behind?”

“We agreed it was best for Maddie.”

“Does Maddie see her very often?”

“Not as often, or as consistently, as I’d like,” he admitted. “But she did spend the last month of her summer vacation in London with her.”

“So why didn’t you mention your daughter to me the night you came over here?”

“You mean the night I kissed you?”

“I mean the night you brought pizza,” she clarified, as if the kiss was irrelevant.

But he could tell by the color that infused her cheeks that it wasn’t irrelevant at all, and that she remembered that kiss as clearly as he did. And as much as he wanted to kiss her again, to prove that the attraction between them was still very relevant, his real purpose in coming here tonight had been to clear the air, not to cloud it further.

“I should have,” he finally admitted. “But I don’t talk about Maddie very much when she’s gone. Not to anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because talking about her makes me miss her even more.”

She seemed startled by his response, but then she nodded. “I guess I can understand that.”

“She’s the center of my world, the reason for everything I do.”

“She’s a lucky girl.” Ashley’s voice had softened, taken on an almost wistful quality. “To have a father so committed to her best interests.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” he dared to ask.

“It means I like your daughter—she’s a great kid.”

“Her dad’s a pretty good guy, too.”

“I’m reserving judgment on that,” she said, but the smile that curved her lips gave him hope.