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Preface to the Paperback Edition

Your book made me feel appreciated, understood, and like I’m no longer walking alone.

—Christian, a reader from Massachusetts¹

I am delighted that this paperback edition of Men on Strike is now available, as it means the original hardback was successful enough to warrant another round of readers for this newer version. Since the hardback edition of the book came out, I have been surprised at how many men around the country have written me to share more about their situations, and I will discuss their stories and comments below. But first, I want to address the critics of the book who say that there is no war on men, or if there is, men bring it upon themselves, or who say no hard data shows without a doubt that men are discriminated against. I don’t buy this at all.

There truly is a war on men going on in our society, and the average man knows it full well. Most men may not talk about it or allow themselves to think that a “democratic” society would treat its citizens without due process or justice. Yet that is what is happening to many men in today’s misandric climate, and it is proven again and again as newspaper articles and stories show men being sentenced to jail even after paying child support, men being falsely accused of rape, men being forced to pay exorbitant amounts of alimony, or men being dismissed from jobs or college over unproven sexual harassment charges. For example, a recent Houston news story told of father Cliff Hall, who paid his outstanding child support for his eleven-year-old son but was sentenced by a female judge to six months in jail anyway.²

After Men on Strike came out, numerous naysayers complained that I used too many anecdotes to explain why men did not want to marry as often, attend anti-male colleges, or interact with kids for fear of being called a pervert. Evidently anti-male sexism must be “proven” beyond a shadow of a doubt, whereas sexism against women is taken as a given though the facts may show otherwise. Misandry, the hatred of men, is so rarely discussed or investigated that most people don’t know what the word means. Even sympathetic men reading my book said they seldom heard discussion of the information it contained, or the material was dismissed as tales from a bunch of evil (and probably racist!) “men’s rights activists”—the only “rights activists” who get no respect in today’s world.

So how do you get people to grasp where men are coming from? You educate them and help them to understand there is really a problem, and it causes suffering. I hoped that Men on Strike would be the catalyst to open the dialogue, and it was, given the response I received from men and their advocates around the country. The book’s stories and details of actual men gives voice to what men are feeling as they deal with gender discrimination.

Anecdotes are powerful stuff. I chose to use them because several male activists told me that the most successful way to change the political climate in the men’s rights arena is to present stories that make men seem real. People relate to other people whom they view as human beings with feelings and reactions to injustices, not as facts and figures. Yes, those are important, too, and I included them in the book as well.

Here is the problem in working with issues of men’s rights, though: Facts and figures often don’t exist or are expressed through the views of biased academics or “experts” who have an agenda. That agenda might get them tenure with their feminist peers (both male and female) and lead to grants or prestige that will advance their career, or at least sell textbooks or get articles published in well-regarded journals. But it seldom leads to helpful, unbiased research on men and their problems.

I sympathize, though, with these researchers. What if you write the truth about what is happening to men and point out what you perceive to be injustices against them? You could lose respect and prestige and be treated with suspicion and hostility even if you are correct. If you don’t believe me, look up the work of Murray A. Straus.³ When he noted that, contrary to popular opinion, women play a large role in domestic violence, Straus received death threats. Why? Because he didn’t fall in line with the academic sycophants. Forget about getting your work into journals or libraries. The gatekeepers will make sure that your voice is not heard. Readers, however, are not so easily dissuaded from learning the truth.

Men from around the country emailed, called on the phone, and wrote personal letters sent to both my office and my publisher to give me accounts of their own “strike” as well as feedback about the book. Their letters were personal, amazing, and at times heartbreaking and frustrating. For example, Joe wrote:

When I was in the Marine Corps, I was sued by 11 different women for child support. When you are enlisted, much information about you becomes public record. Single mothers who are pressured by state welfare agencies to name a father find enlisted men who are stationed overseas and name them as the father.

Now you’re supposed to have 3 things to start a paternity claim, like you have to be in the same country as the mother at the time she gets pregnant, but no one cares about that. I got home from Afghanistan and found my bank account emptied out with no recourse . . . because I missed court hearings I didn’t know were happening, and by default became the legal father of a child.

It’s a huge scam, and no one cares. . . . The state gets their money back from a rube, and the mother stops getting hounded.⁴

The feedback and criticisms of the book were interesting, to say the least, and some of the criticism was warranted. Many readers felt that I did not include enough detail and wanted chapters expanded to explore more topics, such as men in the military who are taken advantage of by women and the courts (like Joe, above). Others suggested covering research of minority men and gay men’s views on men’s issues and presenting more on men’s lack of reproductive rights, particularly those that are denied due to institutional bias.⁵ The last point is crucial, especially regarding birth control for men. Shawn, a never-married fifty-five-year-old man from Massachusetts, noted:

In your discussion of men’s lack of reproductive rights, you could have mentioned that some docs will not perform vasectomies on married men without written permission from their wives. They do it to protect themselves from lawsuits but still, try to imagine a woman needing written permission from her husband to get her tubes tied.⁶

I agree that this sexism (or fear of getting sued) on the part of doctors who perform vasectomies is important to mention. A woman would be outraged if her doctor suggested that her husband needed to give written approval for a tubal ligation. Men deal with this type of sexism all the time, and no one cares much. Sure, a few bloggers and websites take notice, and some do a good job of getting the issues out. But this should be an outrage, not a mention in a book or a few blogs. This reproductive sexism is unacceptable, and we should all speak up.

Katie Allison Granju, a mommy blogger, did just that as she wrote about the doctor who asked her permission when her husband went in for a vasectomy:

But would it surprise you to learn that apparently, many doctors in this country REALLY DO require men who come to them seeking vasectomies to ’fess up to marital status, and to then get their wives’ written consent before the physician will perform the procedure? In some cases, doctors require a face-to-face meeting with a man’s wife—in addition to the signed consent from her—before a vasectomy will be performed.

How did I discover this? Well, without getting all up in my husband’s business by offering too many details, suffice it to say that he and I can now credibly report that this inexplicably retro violation of men’s rights to privacy and medical autonomy actually does take place.⁷

The Good Men Project website followed up on Granju’s discovery with a post wondering if spousal permission for a vasectomy was typical (or legal) and found that many doctors took matters into their own hands and imposed rules on a case-by-case basis:

Well, according to Janet Crepps, a lawyer at the Center for Reproductive Rights, while there’s absolutely no law requiring men to obtain their partner’s consent, it can be imposed on a case-by-case basis at a clinical level.

Doctors can impose requirements in a private setting in order to protect themselves legally. It’s their choice that they want to do that. While it would be pretty difficult for a wife to successfully sue a doctor for doing a vasectomy on her husband, it wouldn’t surprise me if their legal counsel insisted that they would be better off getting that consent. That said, nobody I know is imposing that kind of requirement.⁸

I have spoken to many men who said that a doctor refused to do a vasectomy without the wife’s permission. This should never take place. Men are autonomous beings who have rights when it comes to reproduction.

Unfortunately, many sexist types feel that men don’t deserve any reproductive rights and should simply keep their pants zipped. William Saletan at Slate.com had this to say in a recent article:

Here’s the short version. First, for men: If you put your sperm anywhere near a woman’s reproductive tract, you had better be prepared to raise a child with her. Your ejaculation is your signature on a contract authorizing her to carry any resulting pregnancy to term and to enlist you as the father. If you aren’t prepared to sign that contract, ejaculate somewhere else. Don’t complain later that you weren’t consulted about subsequent decisions. The only decision you get is the one at the outset.⁹

This disturbing, rigid mindset is why so many men have gone on strike. In our society, men carry most of the responsibility with very little privilege. It may seem preferable at times to watch porn rather than to get near a woman, especially given the high stakes. As the technology for porn and sex improves, perhaps this will become a decent option. A better one would be to fight for fairer, saner laws and a more equitable society for men. I hope this paperback version of Men on Strike will contribute to that end.

In closing, I leave you with the words of a reader who took the time to mail me a letter about his own strike and how he felt about my book. Christian from Massachusetts wrote:

I felt such a release when reading it because someone out there finally has taken the time to explore and understand men and our unique experience of American society. Without realizing it, I think I’ve been on strike for years now. I know I’ve felt like “fair game” since I first saw Oprah on the airwaves in 1986. I was 16 at the time but it was clear that it was open season on males. As you demonstrate, that thinking has continued and become increasingly entrenched and accepted. . . . Your book made me feel appreciated, understood, and like I’m no longer walking alone.¹⁰

As a psychologist and an author, there is no greater reward for me than to hear that my book gave a reader hope, understanding, and a lessened sense of isolation. As noted above, men’s rights may have a long way to go in our society given the rigid mindset against men. The good news is that there are many of us out there who are patient, unrelenting, and will not falter along the path to justice. I hope you are one of them.

Helen Smith, PhD

Knoxville, Tennessee