Читать книгу Caressless - Heru Psy.D. EL - Страница 6

“Good morning Sandra how was your weekend?” “It was full but good Dr. Howard I got a promotion on my job which was good but I had to rearrange a lot of the displays at the store, so that kept me very busy.” “A promotion huh, well congratulations Sandra you know higher positions sometime bring more responsibilities, in fact that would be a good item I can put in your report I have to send to the District Attorney’s office.” “I see Dr Howard.” “That’s a nice business suit you have on Sandra.” Sandra had on a grey and black tweed jacket with six or seven buttons down front with matching slacks with pleats and low heel leather pumps, and a white blouse with small ruffles, the buttons at the top of her blouse were straining to hold on with her large breasts applying great pressure against them. “I might check out your store’s men’s department soon I could use a few more vines you know.” “You know I will hook you up proper Dr Howard we got some nice vines that would fit your style.” “Well Sandra lets start our session, but first if you want you can slip off your heels if you want” as she reached down to slip off her heels I noticed a more relaxed confidence in her. Well I hope I will be able to tell Dr. Howard my great burden that’s been on my shoulders this time before the session ends. I wish I could squeeze it all out in 5 minutes but at least it will start the bloodletting.

“Let’s see according to my notes you had walked in on your Aunt Delia and Earl doing the nasty, so tell me Sandra how was you and your Aunts relationship up to that point?” “Well after my Mom was killed in that robbery I was about 6 years old and my Aunt Delia had came over to my Uncle Larry’s apartment who had just enlisted in the Navy and said that since my uncle was single and traveled a lot in the Navy that he couldn’t care for me properly, so my Aunt kinda got me by default she always would say she didn’t want me to be a foster kid, being raised by a bunch of strangers. I really wanted to go with my Uncle Larry, he always sent me nice dolls and toys and the last time I remembered he and my mom took me to Lincoln Park Zoo. He kneeled down to me and told me if I ever get married Uncle Larry will come get you but your Aunt Delia will take care of you for now.” My Aunt to her credit has kept me warm and well fed and clothed, but she was very impatient, she didn’t take me places or laugh and talk to me much and was strict but a hypocrite.” “Explain hypocrite.” Well I would overhear her phone conversations with her church friends about how she’s going to save herself for the man that God’s going to send her but at the same time when she thought I was sleep she would be sneaking different men in and out of her bed all the time. I would hear them bed springs squeakin with a rhythm that’s when I knew she was doin the nasty. Then in the middle of the night sometimes I would hear the security chain slide off the door and the squeak of the front door and a car engine start up a few minutes later. My Aunt would open my door and look in to make sure I was sleep. Then she would always talk about the pot heads that live downstairs under us, but I would find a few roaches in her ashtray sometimes. I knew she was smoking weed whenever she would burn that sandalwood incense in her room. Then on top of that she and that no good Earl the guy she rented the room to, would sell liquor on Sundays to the neighborhood wine heads out the back door since the liquor stores in Chicago are closed on Sundays . There were all kinda crazy looking people coming in and out of that house.” “Well I see your Aunt was a little on the wild side.” “To say the least I don’t think she cared to much about what kinda environment she had me around as long as I was well fed had clothes on my back went to school and got good grades was all that mattered.” “I must say that would not be the kind of atmosphere I would want for a child either.” Sandra was intense as she leaned forward to recount her story I can tell she had a lot more to say she had a little moisture of sweat appear on her forehead, “can I get you some water Sandra? You may be a little warm with that jacket on; sometimes Lisa gets happy with the heat in here I think she’s cold natured or something.” “Okay Dr Howard it is a little warm in here,” If he only knew I’m a little nervous cause I’m about to let go something that I have never told anyone before. “Here’s your water Sandra.” “Thanks Doctor” “Okay now before we go on about your Aunt what was your relationship with Earl like?” Sandra suddenly looked out the window for a moment as if she was trying to gather her thoughts she muttered “Mr. Earl that fucking bastard and looked directly into me eyes and said I got a few chapters on his ass for you.” I knew that was a pivotal moment in our sessions. Just then the intercom from Lisa interrupted with ‘Dr Howard your one o’ clock is ready. “Damn I wish we didn’t have to stop” “I’m sorry Sandra my next client is on her lunch hour so I won’t be able to give you an extended session.” “I understand Dr Howard I’ve waited this long I guess another week won’t hurt.” Deep inside I was ready to explode I never knew I had such pressure inside me it will feel good to let it out. I walked past Lisa the office manager and I couldn’t help but give her the evil stare even though I know she was just doing her Job. I just don’t know if I will ever get to point of releasing all this shit inside of me, I don’t have any children or a husband or anyone but strangers to release my pain on I just need a nice warm caress. All I have been able to do is act it out as soon as someone pushes the wrong button, I gotta get it out before someone else dies. Oh my God I’ve been on this elevator for at least a few minutes and I just noticed I forgot to push a button as I slide my finger over the number 1 button I could feel the small ray of warmth as it light up and I let out a long frustrating sigh and my left eye filled with a tear. You must do this Sandra the next 30 years of your life depends on nobody but me and God.

The elevator door opened and a brightly light lobby illuminated by the afternoon sun bounced of the marble wall. I seemed to be all alone amidst a lobby full of people. This is going to work out I’m ready I can’t wait to see the look on Dr Howards face next week. “Dr Howard your 3:30 is here on time for a change Mr. Fullalove.” Mr. Fullalove strolled in this time with a short brown leather jacket and matching brown leather tam, with a nice gold rope chain around his neck. I must say he’s always clean.” Mr. Fullalove how are you today? “Oh um fine Doc I’m staying out of trouble I didn’t kick no asses this week. You’ll be proud of me Doc my little 16 year old niece called me and told me her 19 year old boyfriend slapped her so I tells her to give me his punk ass number. I calls the young brother up I played the psyche game on him Doc.” Ok what did you say to him? “I gave him a choice I said which one would you prefer, you slap her again I just “whup” your ass in a private one on one session or I spend the rest of my life in jail for a double murder cause if I whup yo ass I gotta kill that punk ass Father of yours cause I know you get that shit from him. He said he don’t want either one of those choices and he promised to keep his hands to himself cause everybody knows not mess with them Fullalove girls. I understand I apologize.” “Uh….. wellll?..” “You know Doc If I hadn’t been seeing you I probably would have handed that young punk sum pain. Then my niece would have been mad at me you know I thought about all lat you dig.” “I must say that is an improvement Mr. Fullalove, we need to work on a more refined approach. But never the less you avoided physical confrontation and that’s a good thing. Ok Mr. Fullalove let’s get back to where we left off last week. I got it all in my notes, let see if you can remember. “Yeah I remember I was at the grocery store and I got 2 dollars from savin this girl from Ming the German Sheppard. Then I went on to save a few birds in distress.” “Ok was there any other incidents involving people?” “Yeah but Doc I was thinkin all last week I know I need to tell you a lot of stuff in my past that might not be too cool cuz some of it was REAL bad, I’m mean will I get into any kinda trouble for it ? That’s what I’m trying to say.” “Under Illinois Law client Privilege will keep anything you tell me strictly between you and I. In fact those papers you signed before which most people don’t read say you have to write a letter relinquishing those privileges.” “Oh! For real! Damn, so you kinda like a priest at confession.” “Yeah you might compare it that way; I’m not a part of law enforcement.” But if you are planning a crime then I must inform the authorities.” “Well you know that girl that I saved from the dog she kinda got attached to me, it seemed that dog scared her so bad she would always wait on her porch until she see me coming and walk with me to the bus stop. So I guess she made me her personal body guard. It made me feel good cause everybody thought she was my girlfriend cause she was pretty, but we didn’t see it that way we was just good friends. Did homework together my mom would take her along whenever we would go to the movies. We hung out together along with other kids in the hood. She would tell me about things that was goin on in her life and stuff, she was living with her aunt and I think the next school year I remember clearly it was our first week in school she would normally wait until I got close to her porch before she would come down the stairs but this time she ran down the street to me. She looked frightened she was saying in a low voice “is anybody looking out of the window of my house?” “ I looked up and I saw the blinds move slightly in a low voice I said “yeah I just saw the blinds move a little I think someone’s peeking” “She all of sudden changed her whole face she started laughing and smiling and skipping asking me did I see our favorite show called “Flip Wilson Show” last night. I was totally trippin I was looking at her with a puzzled eye. Then just when we got around the corner she said I had to pretend like everything was cool until we got out of sight. Let me tell you what happen to me this morning! Her face turned stone cold while she was talking. My Aunt got this new job this week at K-Mart out in Maywood so she has to get up and leave early like 5:30 but she got me this alarm clock so I won’t sleep late. It normally goes off at 7am. Anyway you know she got this guy named Mr. Earl who rents a room in the back. Anyway, as she tells me her story she’s kinda walking backwards with her eyes wide open I never seent her so intense, she says she felt someone nudge her in the back, saying “wake up little princess time for school” I finally realized it was Earl I still had my back to him I said ok I’m getting up, he said turn around so I can see that your awake I don’t want you to fall back to sleep. I turned around all I saw was this dude standing over me BUTT NAKED!! I said NO!! Now my eyes was wide open now, my hand to my face, she said his dick was sticking out hard and it was crooked and ugly. I said what happened? I was mad now we both just stopped walking for a second, that fool saw the terror on my face and just squinted his eyes and said whenever you ready for your lesson you know where to find me. He told her if you tell your Aunt she aint gon believe you. I just looked down and said you think your Aunt will believe you? Man O man I can’t believe that punk showed up in your bedroom like that. We heard the sound of the air brakes hissing our bus pulled up, and we said we would talk later. I felt in my heart the first time like I wanted to kill that Mutha Fucka I mean I was only 12 but I felt my friend was in deep trouble, I knew he was gon try something sooner or later.” It was at this moment in the session I realized what was going on I said “Mr. Fullalove I need to step out for just a moment.” “Ok Doc.” I stepped out of the room and walked towards the window I’m glad Lisa my secretary was on the phone as I looked out my window I could see Grant park and the magnificent Lake Michigan with the powerful midday sun shining down on it slightly rippling waves, I thought to myself, I’ve been doing this for 7 years now this is a first, two clients linked together. This just maybe the same Earl character in the Sandra Sheridan sessions. I’ve got to be coy in my line of questions now. I took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. Lets go to work, I walked back past Lisa still on the phone sounds like she in a lovers spat from what I heard, “when are you going to find time for me” is all I need to hear to figure that one out. I came back in the room “sorry about that Mr. Fullalove.” “Wow that was some situation you found yourself in so young, having a close friend confide in you a serious matter. Unfortunately we have about five minutes and I know the rest of this story will take at least another full session at least.” “Well let me just leave you with this Doc. I did convince her to at least tell her Auntie She didn’t tell her until two days later, and like Earl said she didn’t believe her because she said Earl took her to work that morning because she missed her bus and went to work himself. I guess she didn’t know he stopped back at her house on the way. She loved Earl’s dirty draws, that was her partner in crime and she went on and on about how Earl always gives her big Birthday and Christmas Presents and blasted her for making up the story saying she was just jealous that she spent so much time with Earl and threatened to send her to a foster home if she kept lying.” “Wow that was certainly a blow to her confidence now she feels unprotected and even more dependent on you for protection.” “Yeah but somehow I didn’t mind cuz I felt she was all alone her mother had been murdered in a robbery and at least I had a Mother and my Father came around to see me every now and then.” So did you have any more feelings about doing harm to this guy Earl?” “Well yeah Doc cuz he…” just then Lisa interrupted. “Ms Robinson is waiting its past 2.” “Save that for next session you’ve opened up very well I think we will make good progress.” “Ok Doc time sho do fly dont it?”