Читать книгу Hurricane Jack of The Vital Spark - Hugh Foulis - Страница 7

Table of Contents

"WE were, wan time yonder, perusin' up and doon the Long Isle looking for mines," said Para Handy. "We looked high, and we looked low, on sea and land; many a droll thing we found drifting, but never came on nothing more infernal than oorsel's. Hurricane Jeck had a terrible skill for mines. At night he would take the punt, wi' a bit o' a net in her, and splash the mooths o' the burns for oors on end in search o' them. Not wan iota! The only thing he would get in the net would be a grilse or two, or a string o' troot; Uist is fair infested wi' them.

"But wan night yonder he came back wi' a whupper o' a cheese; he got it on the high-water mark.

"'Capital!' I says to him; 'that's something wise-like!' for I wass chust fair sick o' salmon--salmon--salmon, even-on.'

"Jeck rolled the cheese on board; sixty pounds wass in it if there wass an ounce! I never saw a cheese that better pleased the eye. Wi' a cheese like yon and a poke o' meal, ye could trevel the world.

"But Jeck wass dubious. 'She looks aal right,' he says, 'but ye canna be up to them Cherman blackguards. We'll be better to trate that cheese wi' caaution. I didna put a hand on her mysel' till I walked three times roond her lookin' for horns, and when I lifted her it wass wi' my he'rt in my mooth and a word o' prayer.'

"'Hoots, man, but ye're tumid, tumid!' I says to him. 'What harm's in a Cheddar cheese? Take her aft and put your knife in her.'

"He took oot his knife at that, and made to hand me't. 'Open her up yoursel', Peter,' says he, 'but first let me and the rest o' the crew get off a bit in the punt. I would be black affronted to be blown up wi' a Cherman cheese wi' a bomb inside o't.'

"I looked at the cheese, and, my goodness, it wass a whupper! Ye could feed an airmy on't! And I never wass as hungry in my life! There iss something aboot a cheese on board a ship that grows on ye! But I didna like the look o' Jeck, at aal, at aal, for he aye took care that the cheese wass on wan side o' the funnel, and he had a startled eye.

"'I don't care a docken for cheese,' I says to him at last, 'but Dougie's fond o't. Gie the knife to Dougie.' By this time Dougie wass in the hold wi' a tarp'lain over his heid, but he heard me fine.

"'Take it away and sink it,' he bawls; 'cheese never agreed wi' me; I promised my wife I would never taste it.'

"Jeck looked roond for Macphail, but he was off like a moose among his engines, and meh'in' like a sheep.

"The only man on the ship that wass quite cool and composed wass Jenkins, and he wass under the crate where his gun wass, and him sound sleepin'.

"'Mind ye, I'm no' sayin' there is anything wrong wi' the cheese,' says Jeck. 'She may be a topper o' a cheese for aal I ken, but chust you put your ear doon close to her, Peter, and tell me if you don't hear something tickin'.'

"I made wan jump for the punt, and rowed away like fury!

"'Heave that cursed cheese o' Satan over the side this instant, or there'll be the duvvle's own devastation!' I roared to Hurricane Jeck. 'Ye were surely oot o' yer mind to meddle w'it.'

"I came back in twenty meenutes, and found Jeck and the gunner Jenkins had the cheese below a barrel.

"'It's all right,' said Jeck; 'it wass my mistake aboot the tickin'; Jenkins couldna hear it. But aal the same, we'll better keep her at a distance till we come to some place where there's folk that is keener on cheese than we are.'

"For near a month--ay, more than a month--we pursued oor devagations roond the islands seekin' mines, and aye the cheese was in below the barrel. Nobody would touch it. Dougie had his Book oot every night, and indeed I wasna in the best o' trum mysel', wi' my ear aye cocked for clockwork and the boots never on my feet.

"Every other day Jeck would tilt the barrel up, and we could see that cursed cheese ass like a cheese ass anything, but lookin' duvelish glum. I couldna have worse nightmares if I ate it. We gave it, between us, the name o' Jerry.

"It wass the time o' the plewin' matches. The night before a plewin' match we came into Portree, and a wheen o' chentlemen were gatherin' prizes. Ye ken yoursel' the kind o' prizes they have at a plewin' match--a smoked ham for the best start-and-finish; a trooser-length o' tweed cloth from J. & A. Mackay, the merchants, for the best oots-and-ins; a gigot o' black-faced mutton for the best-groomed horse; a silver chain and pendulum for the largest faimily plew-man; and a pair o' gallowses for the best-dressed senior plewman at his own expense.

"The chentleman at the store had a fine collection o' prizes when Jeck and me went in to look at them, and Jeck's eye lighted up when he saw the gallowses. For months his breeks wass hingin' on him wi' a lump o' string.

"'What ye're needin' to complete them prizes,' says he, 'iss a fine big sonsy Cheddar cheese. I'll make a bargain wi' ye. If ye'll let me into the plewin' competition, I'll gie ye a prize o' the bonniest biggest keppuck between Barra Heid and the Butt o' Lewis.'

"The man in charge o' the prizes looked hard at Jeck, who had a gless in him, but not wan drop more than he could cairry like a chentleman, and he says quite sharp, 'What's wrong wi' the cheese?'

"'There's nothing wrong wi' the cheese,' says Jeck; 'she's a chenuine Thomas Lipton, but my mates and me iss desperate keen on the agricultooral tred, and we'll gie the cheese to promote the cheneral hilarity.'

"'Are ye sure ye can plew?' asks the other one, dubious.

"'I've been plewin' all my days,' says Jeck, quite smert; 'chust look at the boots o' me!'

"They agreed that Jeck would get into the competition, and sent doon to the vessel to fetch the cheese, and all the time they were away for't I wass in the nerves, for fear they might jolt it. 'God help the harbour o' Portree this night,' says I to Jeck, 'if they start to sample Jerry!'

"The plewin' match wass a great success. Jeck dressed himsel' in his Sunday clothes, and his Navy kep, and his hair was oiled magnificent. Ye never saw a more becomin' man between the stilts. He had got the lend o' a horse and plew from a cousin o' his on the ootskirts o' Portree.

"His plewin' wass lamentable, but he got the gallowses for bein' the best-dressed senior plewman at his own expense.

"A young man by the name o' Patrick Sinclair won the cheese, and Jeck and me helped him to hurl it in a barrow to his hoose. The whole time we were helpin' him home wi't my he'rt wass in my mooth for fear it would go off, and we laid it on the kitchen bed the same's it wass a baby!

"We got two good drams apiece from Sinclair's wife, and were no sooner oot o' the hoose than Jeck began to run for the ship ass fast as he could shift his legs, me efter him.

"'It's time we were oot o' Portree,' says he, when we got on board; 'there's likely to be trouble.'

"'Do ye think that cheese'll burst before we're started?' I asked him, busy lowsing the ropes.

"'It's no' the cheese I'm frightened for,' says Jeck, 'but it's Patrick Sinclair. I'm no' a bit vexed for him: a fine strong young man like that should be in the Navy when the land's at war, and no' idlin' his time away at plewin'. But when he opens up that cheese there'll be a desperate explosion.'

"'What do ye think'll be in it, Jeck? Will it be dunnymite?'

"'Duvvle the dunnymite!' says Jeck; 'chust chucky-stones! Jenkins an' me scooped oot the inside o' the cheese between us in the last four weeks. We sliced the top off first, and used it for a lid. Three days ago, when you and the rest wass sleepin', we filled her up to the proper weight wi' stones and tacked the top on.'"