Читать книгу We’re British, Innit: An Irreverent A to Z of All Things British - Iain Aitch - Страница 55

In fancy circles, such as the marketing meetings of ready- meal manufacturers for upmarket supermarkets, our beloved milky yellow pudding lubricant is known as crème anglaise, which makes it sound like some terrible Gallic euphemism for semen, perhaps in revenge for us calling condoms ‘French letters’. Traditionally, custard was made from eggs, milk and cream, but everyone knows that the real thing is made from Birds custard powder or simply comes ready-made out of a tin. Our love for custard was highlighted by a news story in January 2008, in which banged-up bad boy Newcastle United footballer Joey Barton was reported to be warding off attacks from fellow prison inmates by buying them custard. After all, what hardened lag could resist its soothing yellowness? Custard powder is highly explosive in large quantities and can create a delightfully vanilla-scented explosion if not handled correctly. For this reason you are not encouraged to take your custard powder as hand luggage when you take your two-week package holiday in Spain and should instead stow it in the hold alongside your tea and Marmite.