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Chapter 1

The First Step

How to Begin

What you do will make a difference. There is a compelling logic to this. If you, or someone you love, have been diagnosed with cancer, it makes good sense to get all the outside help you can. But then, as with everything else in life, how you respond, how you react, what you actually do—all this will affect the outcome significantly.

For those willing to take up the challenge that cancer has put to them, there is a road back to health.

What to do? There is so much information available these days. Advice from friends, opinions from medical and other health professionals, lots of great books and so much information on the Internet. This book will distill the benefits of years of experience and gathered knowledge, present it in logical, sequential form, help you to evaluate the many choices available, and then support and guide you along the way.

We will begin in the first two chapters by working through the options, from first diagnosis to long-term survival. Then come the details you will need to convert a good idea into a practical reality. You can conquer cancer. What follows spells out the process of how to do it.

Hope Is Real

The starting point is having hope. And hope has a compelling logic to it. No matter how dark it may seem as you start on this road, you need to be assured recovery is possible. It may not always be easy, it may well take a good deal of planning and commitment, but it definitely is possible.

At my worst I was expected to live for only a few weeks. That was early in 1976! After I recovered, Dr. Ainslie Meares said a very important thing: “It only has to be done once to show that it is possible.” But these days there are many documented cases of people who have recovered against the odds. I have helped to publish two books recounting the lives, the methods and the recoveries of some of these people. The first, Inspiring People,3 gathered the stories of forty-four people who had attended groups I ran in the early years and went on to become long-term survivors. Out of print now, that book was replaced by Surviving Cancer,4 which recounts the remarkable journeys of twenty-eight people. Written by Paul Kraus, himself one of the longest-known survivors of mesothelioma, his is a wonderful book to read and then dip into from time to time whenever inspiration is needed.

Features of Long-Term Survivors

There are two important features I observe in the many long-term survivors I have worked with and come to know well. First, they really applied themselves—they did many things. Second, the main things that they did they had in common, while many varied some of the minor details.

Let me explain. Some years back, I surveyed thirty-five long-term survivors. These were all people who had been given short-term prognoses by good medical people. But they went on to turn their difficulties around and were alive many years later. In the survey, they were asked to consider all the things that may have helped them to recover and to rank their importance on a sliding scale. They were asked to reflect on the importance any medical treatment had played, any natural therapies, overcoming fear of dying, forgiveness, nutrition, meditation—all the options you could think of.

The first thing that stood out in this survey was that most people valued most things highly. What this indicated was they did do a lot. Turning around a major illness is not a casual affair. It does take work. These people were committed. They did a lot, and they rated highly the value of many things that they did do.

These people were then asked to think back over their recovery and to identify what they considered to be the three most helpful things they did. Interestingly, quite a number took the trouble to write on the survey that they did not like the question! They had done so much, and found so many things to be helpful, that choosing just three was quite challenging.

Anyway, they did choose three, and the results were fascinating and important. Three things stood out way and above the others. They were the diet, the meditation and the development of their spiritual life.

Now, many of these people were alive ten years after they had initially been predicted to die. So next I asked them what they would recommend to people newly diagnosed. Here four things stood out. The diet and meditation again, but then the advice was to attend a well-run, lifestyle-based self-help group (presumably to learn these techniques and be supported in applying them) and to aim to find meaning and purpose in life.

So what is it with the spiritual life and the meaning and purpose? What our survivors are pointing out is the importance of the mind and its key role in all we do. What inspires you? What motivates you? Why do you want to get well? How important is getting well to you? How much are you prepared to do? How much effort do you want to make? What can you learn through this illness? What meaning and purpose does it clarify for your life? What will you do with your good health? What will you do with your life once you are well again?

These are all questions for our mind. They come under the heading of spirituality, meaning and purpose. It is well said that if you have a “reason” to do something, you will find a “how.” If the desire to live is strong and you follow a logical approach, there is every reason to expect a good outcome.

Have enough courage to believe in the possibilities. Then take the next step.

The First Big Question • Do I Really Want to Get Well Again?

You may say I am crazy to ask a question like this. However, the fact is some people diagnosed with cancer do accept their condition as terminal and cannot imagine themselves getting well again. For many of these people, this reflects their lack of any real hope. In some cultures there is still a pervading belief that you get cancer and you die. Some families, some individuals still hold this view, either as a result of some morbid fear or maybe as the product of experiences they have had with people they knew who did not do so well.

The antidote? Hope. People in this situation need inspiration—they need to realize the possibilities. This is where groups can be helpful, especially if they contain long-term survivors who can be met, seen, and touched! Even hearing stories of recovery or reading of them in Inspiring People or Surviving Cancer can help reawaken lost hope and help people to move forward.

However, there is a deeper issue. Some of the people whom I have known had given up on life itself. Some of these people had enough clarity to tell me that life was just too hard. We will examine this possibility in more detail in the chapter on the causes of cancer, but some people, when you come to know them really well, confide that they have lost their zest for life. Perhaps through past trauma, maybe through a variety of accumulated reasons, the future just seems too difficult. It is almost as if they have had enough of life and if cancer is the way to go, then they are not going to fight it.

The antidote? Like our survivors said, find the meaning and purpose in life. What ignites your passion? What inspires you? What have you got to live for? Is there something from years gone by that you put aside that now can be rekindled? Could you change your circumstances to make life seem worth living again? It is so extraordinary to be a living human being. Even the tough times are extraordinary. When we reflect on it, there really is so much to live for.

But what to do right now? If you are clear you want to recover, then no problem, go for it. Move on to the next step, the next question. If you have doubt, if you are unsure about survival, first examine the question of hope and seek inspiration. If there are deeper doubts or fears, or a lack of motivation, look into your heart, seek inspiration, and seek solutions. This may well be the time to talk to a trusted friend or an experienced counselor who can assist you to reach a point of clarity.

So while there is nobility in a good death and while the prospect of a good death is important for all of us as certainly we will all face it one day, the majority of You Can Conquer Cancer focuses on the process of getting well and being well.

The Second Big Question • Who Is Responsible for My Decisions?

This question is best characterized by imagining a visit to your doctor. Do you go to them and say, “Here is my diseased body. You fix it. You tell me what is wrong. You decide what treatment I will have. I will accept whatever you say. The responsibility is yours.”

Or, do you go to them and say, “Here is my diseased body. What can we do to get it better again?” With this latter approach, the relationship becomes a more equal one. Instead of handing responsibility for your well-being—and your life—to someone else, you are embarking upon a shared quest for health, a collaborative venture.

Now, in all probability, as time goes on, you are likely to work with a range of health professionals. Their technical skills and their communication skills are bound to vary. Some will be excellent; however, whether through lack of time, lack of aptitude, interest or training, some may well be poor communicators. For the same reasons, some may have a narrow range of expertise. Being practical, it may well serve you best to use some doctors and other health professionals almost mechanically. You take advantage of their technical skills, you take their treatment while accepting that to attempt a deep and meaningful discussion may be rather futile.

What is paramount is to identify the key person in your healing team. I suggest the ideal person for this could well be a general practitioner (GP) or family physician. This implies the need to find and work with a broadly trained, open-minded doctor you can respect and trust. Someone you can talk with freely. Someone who is interested in and takes account of your own, unique situation. Your hopes and your beliefs. Someone who is prepared to set out your options, explain the possibilities and the risks and then give time for questions. Someone who is not afraid to offer a considered opinion, to tell you what they would recommend if you were their own partner, parent or child. And then encourages you to make your own choices and supports you in them.

Currently, many hospitals are working in a more integrated way. They are setting up teams of doctors and allied health professionals who can come together to discuss individual cases and make specific recommendations. This is all to the good, but the questions still remain, who do you talk to? Who coordinates your management? Who is the focal point?

While encouraging you to take ultimate responsibility for your own decisions, the key question remains, who will be your chief adviser?

You may be fortunate and find a cancer specialist who can fill this role. However, experience tells us this is not so common. While I regard the role of doctors as pivotal, it is a sad fact that many patients and their families bemoan the communication skills of their specialists. This criticism has been around for many years and while it does take good training and committed practice to be able to give bad news well, one would hope the quality of communication improves soon.

In some hospitals, nurse-practitioners fill this coordinating confidante role. However, maybe a GP who is trained in and enthusiastic about the integrative approach remains the best choice.

Statistics tell us the average GP sees around three new people diagnosed with cancer each year. Only three. So it is a big thing for them when it happens. However, GPs are very well placed to understand both the medical treatments and your other options. They can provide time for discussion, and they may be specifically trained and experienced in counseling.

You may well have a long-standing relationship with a GP who can fill this role. Unfortunately, what often happens for many people is that they go to the GP with the initial complaint and have their help during diagnosis. Then often they will be referred to specialists, spend plenty of time with them and not revisit the GP. So you may need to remember to go back to your GP for this coordinating role, or you may need to seek a doctor who is more suitable for your current needs, and make ongoing appointments.

Do make it a priority to identify the coordinator of your healing team. Then tell them everything. Tell them about any other treatments you are having. Any and all the supplements or herbs you are considering or taking. Seek their advice to ensure you avoid doubling up or using things that conflict with each other. And seek their support and encouragement. A good GP in this situation can be invaluable, providing clarity, confidence and stability. They can be like a life coach, a healing coach. It is well worth keeping in regular touch with them.

So assemble a good team, seek their advice and support, and make your own decisions.

The Third Big Question • What Is Most Likely to Heal Me?

Essentially there are three main sources of healing: conventional medicine, natural medicine, which has three components, and your own resources, best expressed here as lifestyle medicine.

Conventional or Orthodox Medicine

Conventional medicine generally describes medical interventions that are taught at medical schools, generally provided at hospitals and meet the requirement of peer-accepted mainstream medicine and standards of care.

Natural Medicine—Made Up Of:

Complementary Medicine

Complementary medicine refers to a medicine or therapy that is used in addition to, or complements, conventional medicine. Complementary medicine is increasingly taught in medical schools and practiced in hospitals and is steadily gaining widespread support. More research is needed to better evaluate it.

Traditional Medicine

Traditional medicine includes well-documented or otherwise established medicine or therapies that are based upon the accumulated experience of many traditional health care practitioners over an extended period of time.

Traditional therapies include traditional Chinese medicine, traditional Ayurvedic medicine, Western herbal medicine and homeopathic medicine. These traditional medical systems represent a different paradigm of health care when compared to conventional Western medicine.

Alternative Medicine

Alternative medicine is the term widely used by many medical authorities to describe modalities that they regard as being on the periphery, being unproven and unwelcome. We will investigate what all these different modalities have to offer in the later chapter on healing.

What is helpful to understand now is that all four—conventional, complementary, traditional and alternative medicine— generally involve seeking help from the outside and having things done to or for you. This makes good sense. You go to a surgeon, massage therapist or acupuncturist for the help they can provide. You take the drugs, herbs or supplements recommended for you and receive their benefits. You have things done to or for you. But then there is another completely different possibility—what you can do for yourself.

Lifestyle Medicine

Lifestyle medicine focuses on what you can do for yourself in the context of your daily life. This is what we focus upon in this book. Lifestyle medicine can be highly therapeutic. It can improve your quality of life and increase your chances of long-term survival dramatically.

Lifestyle medicine involves attending to physical, psychological, social and spiritual factors. The actual techniques include nutrition, exercise, sunlight, stress management, social support, emotional health, the power of the mind, relaxation, imagery, mindfulness and meditation.

It is strongly recommended that anyone diagnosed with cancer attend to their lifestyle right from the start. If you have conventional treatment, lifestyle medicine is likely to minimize any side effects and maximize the benefits. If no curative conventional medical treatment is available, then lifestyle medicine still offers real hope.

Integrative Medicine • Finding a Suitable Doctor

It is worth emphasizing one more term: integrative medicine.

Integrative medicine refers to a style of medical practice that is holistic and integrates the best and safest of conventional medical care with lifestyle advice and evidence-based complementary medicines and/or therapies. It aims to use the most appropriate of all available modalities and to help each individual patient make informed choices. Integrative medicine is an umbrella term that aptly embraces all styles of medical practice, including lifestyle medicine.

Integrative medicine is becoming a major specialty and many doctors now describe their approach to health, healing and well-being as being integrative. Simply put, perhaps this is what good medicine has always been—taking full regard of the patient as a whole and working collaboratively with a comprehensive range of allied health professionals.

When seeking a medical practitioner to head your healing team, a good starting point would be a doctor who is an advocate of integrative medicine, and preferably a member of an integrative medical association.

Most people start their cancer journey by consulting a doctor. So now, let us take a logical approach and consider how to manage diagnosis, prognosis and treatment options.

Start at the Beginning • Seek an Accurate Diagnosis

Diagnosis is something modern medicine is very good at. Establishing whether you have cancer or not, what type it is, where it is, how extensive it is—all these facts modern medicine generally gets right. Sure, as in anything, mistakes sometimes are made, and particularly in unusual cases second opinions may be worthwhile, but generally the diagnosis can be taken as a fact and as such warrants being accepted.

The Reaction to a Diagnosis of Cancer

Some people accept a cancer diagnosis quite calmly, but I have seen people of all ages and from all walks of life go into deep shock on hearing the fateful words: “You have cancer.” A strong emotional reaction is common, completely understandable and needs to be taken in context. Quite often the reaction is one of disbelief and numbness. Sometimes an outpouring of grief. Often confusion, uncertainty and fear. While any or all of these are understandable and common, none of them are good states of mind to be in when making important decisions.

A strong word of advice: Following a diagnosis, give time to adjust emotionally and take your time before making any major decisions. Contrary to common belief, there are very few decisions in cancer medicine where waiting to make them, waiting to act for a week or two, will affect the overall outcome. Many people think that the need to receive treatment for cancer is like when you are hemorrhaging—it needs to be done now, as soon as possible. While it is sometimes true that there can be medical emergencies involved that do demand urgent attention, in the main, a short delay of a week or two will not affect the long-term outcome. Taking your time could have you in a far better state of mind to make crucial decisions and to work well with the treatments you do accept.

This then is a time to be close to family and good friends, particularly those who have the capacity to stay present and offer their stability amid turbulent emotions. Here it is important not to be confused. Many people think the need is to be “positive,” which is true, but some think to be “positive” is to be unemotional, which is not true. I have met people who were so afraid of their emotions that they thought it was almost as if they were to cry even once, it would take a week or two off their lives. Of course if one were to cry all day, every day, that may well be a problem, but it would be perfectly natural and normal to have a few, tough emotional days as you take in a cancer diagnosis and what it means for your life and the lives of those around you.

What to Do with the Emotions

Healthy emotions are natural emotions. Unhealthy emotions are when wild emotions control you, or, as is often the case with people affected by cancer, when emotions are suppressed.

Everyone feels emotions. It is how we express them that is the issue. The observable fact is that people vary quite naturally in their range of emotional expression. Some are naturally very expressive, some quite reserved. This is influenced by a variety of factors. Some cultures are very emotionally expressive—Italians often come to mind in this regard. Some keep their emotions under pretty tight control—my culture of origin, the English, seem pretty good at this.

The point is, with emotions, as with all else, individuals do vary. Your aim is to be authentic. To allow yourself to be natural and to be comfortable with your own emotional expression.

Emotions are so important we have two specific chapters on them later, but for now, recognize that allowing your natural emotions to flow is natural, normal and healthy. While the emotions that result from a cancer diagnosis may be painful, do what you can to let them out, either on your own or in the company of those you trust. Once they have been released, it will feel like a real weight has lifted and you will be in a much better place to move on with treatment, using your own resources and taking the steps to recovery.

If you are in doubt about your emotions, if none come or if they seem to be going on forever, do be brave. This is a time to seek help, talk with a professional counselor or an experienced, trusted friend and check your situation out.

Experience says it is very difficult to think clearly, to make good decisions, to really commit to what you need to be doing, if your emotions are all over the place. Once the immediate emotional response to a diagnosis is felt, expressed, and showed, usually the intensity goes out of it. Maybe emotions will arise again in the future. Again that would be natural and normal. But be authentic. Be comfortable with your own degree of emotional expression and realize emotions are another natural part of a healthy life.

So do take time. Sit with those you are close to. Be with them. Maybe in silence. Maybe with tears. Maybe with talking and discussion. Take it in. Let it out. Allow yourself to settle. And then begin to plan. To move forward again.

You Can Conquer Cancer: The ground-breaking self-help manual including nutrition, meditation and lifestyle management techniques

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