Читать книгу Turning point - Ingvar Villido - Страница 4

Everything is taught

Each of us has been a newcomer into this world, starting our lives without knowledge and experience – a baby who has had parents, a mother and a father. The environment and surrounding people have been engaged with you, this baby, and have taught you. What have they taught? What they themselves have known. And where have they gotten their knowledge? Most likely from their parents.

Here the historical aspect becomes relevant. In addition to genes, knowledge is also inevitably transmitted through history, from previous generations to the next. When you look at the development of this baby, then most likely s/he will grow up to be a working individual with a family. This is how you and all people around you have developed. In addition, people learn in schools, universities, and trainings, receive information from various sources and learn through activities.

What does all of it mean in the light of this teaching? It means that everything you today consider to be “me” has actually been taught to you by others. Plus personal experience, of course. What you refer to as “me” is actually a set of values, characteristics and behaviors that you have acquired. Is this a fact?

Everything you today consider to be “me” has actually been taught to you by others.

INGVAR VILLIDO

What has been taught to you? Primarily three things have been taught:

Firstly – different emotional reactions. A child is not born emotional. S/he acquires the emotional reactions subconsciously. Initially the surrounding people are the main source. Later on reactions are also received from media, books – other role models etc. Consequently a set of automatic roles develop, overshadowing the initial, primordial individual for your entire lifetime.

Feelings and emotions are typically understood as synonyms. As phenomena they are the same – invisible inner automatic movements with different, very direct impact. Emotions make people carry out specific actions and usually determine behavior.

The second thing that the child acquires is speech. Speech is based on sounds and words. Each word has a meaning, it signifies something. Thus, through words, the acoustic description of the world is learned. Initially, the child speaks out loud. Later vocal expression becomes diminished and is ultimately internalized, turning into externally soundless inner speech – this is the “birth” of your thinking process. So, thinking has also been taught to you by others. The challenging process of learning how to speak is always related to objects.

A child is not born emotional.

S/he acquires the emotional reactions subconsciously.

INGVAR VILLIDO

Each thing or phenomena has a specific label, a name. Through repetition a lifelong connection between a phenomenon and the corresponding word is formed. Sometimes the learned words have several or different meanings, leading to miscommunication. Often the words people speak do not represent the reality correctly and become “empty” noise – without real, adequate meaning.

Vocalized speech is a physical, audible sound. The inner speech that is not vocalized, being externally “soundless”, is known as thoughts. When the same information is expressed through using symbols, it is called text.

The third thing you have been taught is how to use your physical body to carry out different activities. This learning process happens primarily through imitation. For example similarities in body language, tone of voice and many behavioral patterns are acquired from others through this mechanism.

The Complexes

When emotions, thoughts and expressions of the physical body are joined together into one unit, they create a tremendous amount of different combinations, the complexes. These complexes are formed by the subconscious, either instantly or through repetition.

When emotions, thoughts and expressions of the physical body are joined together into one unit, they create a tremendous amount of different combinations, the complexes.

INGVAR VILLIDO

Once a complex has been formed, it can and will be activated by triggers, occurring as an inner reaction, usually accompanied by a physical expression. We as humans are full of such reactive complexes, both positive and negative ones. This may initially leave an impression of a well-functioning machine. In fact it is a trigger-reaction system that has almost full control over a person’s life. A life where these subconscious complexes have become fully automatic and autopilot is primary. When you react to a situation in either positive or negative way, what can actually be seen is an activation of one or several complexes. Your reaction is nothing more than an activation of an acquired complex.

Let’s explore this example: If you think about something positive, you have positive emotions. This is always the case. It doesn’t happen that you think about positive things and at the same time experience shame or anger, right? When you experience anger, you also think thoughts related to anger. But for example, if you think thoughts related to pride, you also feel pride. These are the complexes “in action”.

All automatic inner activations have one common denominator: they are reflex-like reactions.

When it comes to reactions, it is absolutely irrelevant what you think of that reaction, either you like it or not. Reactions are activated automatically.

Once a complex has been formed, it can and will be activated by triggers, occurring as an inner reaction, usually accompanied by a physical expression. Your reaction is nothing more than an activation of an acquired complex.

INGVAR VILLIDO

For example, when you are in contact with a person with whom you have a conflict, then you see the activation of his /her inner reflexes, complexes. We see how people exchange subconscious processes with each other and trigger each other’s reactions. There’s nothing intelligent in these inner reactions, they are automatic activations, an autopilot.

Recall a conflict that you have had. Observe it from a neutral position – can you recognize a set of reactions?

The Fundamental mistake

Example: let’s imagine two people, both represented with all of their reactions. Now, if a man behaves in some certain way or tells the woman something, it creates some sort of a reaction in her. Or vice versa, the woman does or says something, which in turn activates a counter reaction in the man.

Have you noticed this?

A typical and very fundamental mistake is to blame others in our own reactions, believe that they did this to me. To think that the other person caused your problem your reaction.. This approach that others are to blame for what surfaces in me, is very common.

A typical and very fundamental mistake is to blame others in our own reactions, believe that the other person caused what surfaced in you.

INGVAR VILLIDO

It is even considered a “normal” view to life. I claim this to be a fundamental mistake.

Why is this a mistake?

The mistake is exposed when we use logic: if it were not for the corresponding complex already existing within you, you would not react in that way in the first place. Without a given complex already in place, waiting to be activated, there is nothing to trigger. I remind that the corresponding complex has been learned and internalized during the course of your life. Although you may have forgotten that you learned this or that specific complex, once acquired they keep on being activated, producing reactions.

As long as you consider others problematic, your main goal is to change them. But others are not the problem, all the complexes that make you suffer, are inside you. Recall from your own experience – have you been able to do that, to change anyone else? Also, do you notice when other people try to change you? Does any of it work? No. Of course not. But if it doesn’t work, why do you still try to do it?

However, if you realize something by yourself and then decide to initiate change on your own behalf, your life changes. Am I right? You see, you are empowered to change your reactions, habits and mindset.

If it were not for the corresponding reaction within you, you would not react in that way in the first place.

INGVAR VILLIDO