Читать книгу It Had to Be You - Irene Hannon, Irene Hannon - Страница 9

Jake was on his feet the moment Maggie stepped through the door, but when she was detained by guests at another table, he slowly sat back down. In a way he was grateful for their intervention, because as they engaged her with questions about local sights, he had a chance to look at her unobserved.

She’s changed, he reflected, as his discerning gaze swept over her. She was still slender, her trim figure shown to good advantage in a pair of well-fitting khaki slacks and a green, long-sleeved cotton blouse that was neatly tucked in and secured with a hemp belt. But the girlish figure he remembered had changed subtly—and attractively—as she’d matured.

His appreciative eyes moved to her hair. The vibrant red color had mellowed slightly, but was no less striking, he noted with pleasure. He’d always been partial to red hair, and Maggie’s was especially beautiful, shot through with gold highlights. Apparently she’d never quite tamed its waves. Despite her efforts to pull it sedately back, loose tendrils had escaped around her face, giving the no-nonsense style a winsome, feminine appeal. She still had her freckles, too, he observed with a smile, but they appeared to have faded slightly. He assumed she was grateful for that change, recalling how she’d always complained about them.

But there was something else…different…about her, he realized. The Maggie he remembered had been dependent, always waiting for him to take the initiative. The woman he now observed seemed anything but dependent She was gracious, poised and self-confident A woman who not only took charge of things but was quite capable of taking care of herself. It was a surprising—but intriguing—transformation.

There was one thing, though, that hadn’t changed at all, he discovered a moment later when their gazes connected and his pulse flew into overdrive. He found her every bit as attractive as he had twelve years before. His spirits took a swift and surprisingly strong upswing—only to nose-dive a moment later. Just because he felt the old chemistry didn’t mean she did. And even if she did, he doubted that she’d want to renew their friendship, let alone anything more. Why should she, after what he’d done to her twelve years ago? Yet, he couldn’t quite stifle the hope that suddenly surged through him.

Maggie moved toward him then, and he stood as she joined him, noting the slight flush on her cheeks. One more thing that hadn’t changed, he tallied with pleasure. She still blushed. It was a quality he’d always found endearing.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come back out,” he confessed quietly.

She served the juice and muffins, avoiding his gaze. “Why wouldn’t I?”

There was a moment of silence before he responded. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t,” he told her, instead of replying to the question.

She risked a glance at him then, praying that her fragile composure would hold. “That was a long time ago, Jake.” Much to her surprise—and relief—her voice was steady, and she congratulated herself for sounding so calm and controlled when her insides were churning.

Jake eyed her speculatively, debating whether to pursue the subject “Maybe so,” he responded carefully. “But some things are hard to forget.”

A shadow crossed her eyes, come and gone so quickly he almost missed it. Anyone else would have. But once he had been keenly attuned to the nuances of her emotions. Apparently he still was. No matter what she said next, he knew that the hurt was still there, possibly buried so deeply in her heart even she didn’t realize it still existed. But it clearly did, and his gut twisted painfully as he came face-to-face with the lingering effects of his actions twelve years before.

Instead of responding directly to his comment, she shrugged, and when she spoke, her tone was straightforward. “Life goes on, though. We all learn to cope.”

He wanted to ask if life had been good to her, if she’d found the happiness she deserved, if she’d had much trouble raising the twins…if her heart belonged to another man. She wore no ring. He’d noticed that right away. But you didn’t ask someone personal questions after twelve years. Not when you’d long ago forfeited the right. He had to settle for a less probing query. “So you’ve managed all right, then, Maggie?”

Maggie looked into his eyes—warm and compelling and intense—and remembered with a bittersweet pang how easily she used to get lost in his dark gaze. How, with a simple look, he could make her heart soar. His eyes were still expressive, still powerful, she realized. But she wasn’t susceptible to their magnetism anymore, she told herself resolutely. A lot of things had changed. She’d changed. And this man, once the center of her world, was really nothing more than a stranger to her now.

She tucked the tray under her arm and forced herself to smile. “Well, as you can see, I have a business. The girls are well. We’ve done fine. I hope your career has been as satisfying as mine.”

“The navy has given me a good life,” he acknowledged. “I have no regrets about that choice, anyway.”

But he had regrets about other choices? Better not to ask, though, she decided quickly.

“Well, I have things to attend to, Jake,” she said brightly. “I hope your stay with us has been pleasant—”

The words died in her throat as he reached out and touched her arm.

“I know this situation is somewhat…awkward…but I can’t help thinking our paths crossed again for some reason.” He paused, searching for a convincing way to phrase his request. Finally he drew a deep breath, his eyes reflecting the intensity of his feelings. “I don’t want to walk away without at least talking to you,” he told her honestly, his gaze steady and direct. “Will you give me half an hour or so? For old times’ sake, if nothing else?”

Maggie tried to ignore the entreaty in his eyes as she considered his request. But it was hard to think rationally when the warmth of his hand was seeping through the sleeve of her blouse. She really didn’t want to talk to him. What good would it possibly accomplish after all these years? It seemed far…safer…to leave the past where it belonged—in the past.

But she had to admit that, like him, she was thrown by the odd coincidence that had brought them together. A coincidence so odd that it seemed somehow more than coincidence. She recalled how she’d prayed for just such a “coincidence” more often than she cared to admit in the early years, when she was struggling to earn a living and cope with the challenges of single parenthood. There were so many times when a simple touch, a warm, caring hand holding hers, would have lightened her burden immeasurably. But the Lord hadn’t answered those prayers. Not in the way she’d hoped for, at least. Instead, He had helped her find hidden reserves of strength, spirit and determination that had seen her through the rough times. In the end, she’d made it on her own, and in so doing, discovered that she was a capable and competent woman who didn’t need to rely on a man to survive. The experience had bolstered her self-esteem, and she had learned to make choices and plans decisively and with confidence.

So why had the Lord sent Jake now, long after she’d stopped asking? Why disrupt her world now, when she had not only resigned herself to a solitary life, but made her peace with it? Maggie didn’t have a clue. But there must be a reason for this unexpected meeting, and maybe she should at least try to find out what it was.

“Please, Maggie,” Jake persisted. “It would mean a lot to me.”

She drew a deep breath and nodded. “All right, Jake. The girls can finish up the breakfast.”

His answering smile was warm and grateful—and relieved. “Thank you.” He glanced at his watch. “I need to make a quick call. Then we can talk.”

“There’s a phone in the drawing room. Next to the fireplace.”

He nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

Maggie watched him leave, then sank down into the closest chair. Her seat afforded her a discreet view of the drawing room. He was turned slightly away from her as he used the phone, and she took advantage of the opportunity to observe him.

He’s changed, she noted thoughtfully. He’d filled out, the lanky frame she remembered maturing into a trim, well-toned body. The style of his dark brown hair was familiar, though shorter than it used to be. And a faint brush of silver at both temples gave him a distinguished air. The few lines on his face, which hadn’t been there when they parted, spoke more of character than of age. Maggie had to admit that he was even more handsome now than he had been twelve years before.

But there was something else different about him, something beyond the physical that she couldn’t quite put her finger on, she realized with a frown. He radiated a quiet confidence, a decisiveness, a sense of determination and purpose. It was reflected in his body language, in the very way he moved, she thought, as he hung up the phone and made a few quick notes on the pad beside it. The Jake she had known was eager, restless and searching. This Jake was polished, self-assured and at peace with his place in the world.

And yet…there was a certain indefinable sadness in his eyes, a world-weariness, that tugged at her heart It was almost as if he’d searched the world for something but had come up empty, and ultimately had resigned himself to that fact.

Maggie had no idea where that insight came from, or even if it was accurate. Nor did she have a clue what it meant Still, she knew instinctively there was a void of some sort in Jake’s life that troubled his soul

But the state of Jake’s soul was not her concern, she reminded herself sternly as he walked toward her. Her energies would be better focused on conducting a civil, rational conversation.

Jake smiled as he sat down across from her. “Well, that buys me an hour.”

“You have an appointment?”

“Mmm-hmm. But I wish I didn’t”

His comment, as well as the familiar tone in his voice, startled Maggie. She didn’t know how to respond, so she remained silent, uncomfortably aware that he was studying her.

“The years have been good to you, Maggie,” he said finally. “You look great.”

This wasn’t at all the polite, impersonal conversation she’d expected, and the warm, husky note in his voice rattled her. “Th-thanks. So do you,” she replied, berating herself for letting him fluster her.

“So tell me about this place.” He made an allencompassing gesture. “Have you been doing this long?”

That was more like it, she thought with relief. Questions like that she could handle. “Eight years. I moved to Boston about a year after…” She started to say, “after you left,” but changed her mind. The less she talked about them, the better. “…after I got the twins,” she continued. “I worked in a graphic design firm there for three years. By then Abby was finished with all her operations and therapy, so there was less need to stay in a big city. And I thought it would be better for the girls to grow up in a small town. We’d visited Maine on vacation once and loved it, so we came up and looked around one summer. This place happened to be on the market at a good price. It had been vacant for a while, and even though it was structurally sound, it needed lots of cosmetic help and some updating. Before I knew it, I was the proud owner of a B&B. I did freelance design work for a while to tide us over until we established a clientele, and I still sell some of my watercolors to a greeting card company.”

She paused and took a deep breath. “The early years here were a little rough, and it took a lot more hard work than I expected to get established, but I’ve never regretted the move,” she finished.

Jake eyed her speculatively, making no attempt to conceal his admiration. “I’m impressed, Maggie. It took a lot of courage to make such a radical life-style change. Not many people would have risked it.”

She shrugged dismissively, but was oddly pleased by the compliment. “I did a lot of research before I made the move. This is a popular area, and the B&Bs do well. I drew up a pretty solid business plan, so it wasn’t too difficult to get a loan for the necessary improvements. And I found ways to keep the capital expenditures reasonably low.”

Jake stared at the woman across from him, struggling to reconcile the Maggie he knew with this savvy businesswoman. His Maggie would not have had a clue about business plans or capital expenditures. Apparently she’d changed even more than he suspected. But it wasn’t an unpleasant change, he realized, a faint smile touching his lips.

Maggie noted the smile and eyed him cautiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just that the Maggie I remember had very little interest in business. I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“The Maggie you knew didn’t need to be interested in business, Jake. This one does.”

There was no hint of recrimination in her matter-offact tone, but the old, familiar guilt tugged at Jake’s conscience. If he’d honored his commitment to her, Maggie wouldn’t have had to struggle alone to build a life for herself and the twins. It couldn’t have been easy, though she’d downplayed the difficulty. Which only made him admire her more.

“You seem to have done a good job,” he said quietly. “This place is obviously a success. And the twins seem like fine young women. Abby looks as if she’s recovered fully from the accident.”

Maggie nodded. “She has. She needed two more operations after…after I took them in, and therapy after that for three years. But she’s fine now.” She glanced toward the kitchen, her eyes softening. “They’ve been a tremendous help to me through the years. I couldn’t have made this place a success without them. And they’ve brought a great deal of joy to my life.”

Now was the perfect opening to ask the question that was most on his mind. He reached for his coffee and took a sip, trying to phrase it the right way. “Has it just been the three of you all these years, then?”

Maggie turned and looked at him directly. “If you’re asking me whether I’m married, or have ever been married, the answer is no.”

“Why not?” The indiscreet question came out before he could stop it, and he felt hot color steal up the back of his neck. He shook his head and held up his hands. “Listen, forget I asked that, okay? It was way out of line.”

She toyed with the edge of a napkin, then gave a little shrug. “It’s all right The simple fact is, you weren’t the only one who didn’t want to take on a ready-made family, Jake. Especially one with medical problems.”

He flinched. She’d scored a direct hit with that comment, whether she intended to or not. “I guess I deserved that,” he admitted.

She frowned. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that I eventually realized my situation was an awful lot for anyone to take on, especially in the early years. And as time went by, I simply lost interest in romance. I have a nice life. Why should I change it? But tell me about you,” she urged, adroitly shifting the focus before he could pursue the subject. “What are you doing here?”

He took her lead readily, grateful she hadn’t taken offense at his rash question. “Actually, I’m interviewing this afternoon at the Maine Maritime Academy.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “For a job?”

“Yes. To make a long story short, I’m leaving the navy and Dad is coming to live with me.”

“What about your mom?”

“She died five years ago, Maggie.”

“Oh.” Her face looked suddenly stricken, and he reached across and laid his hand over hers. Maggie had always gotten along famously with his parents. They’d held a special place in her heart, especially after her own parents died.

“It was a shock to all of us,” Jake continued gently. “She had a stroke about five years ago. She lived for about six months after that, and Dad took care of her at home. That’s where she wanted to be. Mom was a great believer in families taking care of their own. In fact, before she died, she made Rob and me promise that if Dad ever got to the point where he couldn’t live alone, one of us would take him in rather than relegate him to a retirement or nursing home.”

“And he isn’t able to live alone now?”

Jake shook his head regretfully. “No. He had a heart attack about eight months ago and went down to stay with Rob and his family in Atlanta while he recovered. Except that he never did recover very well He’s gotten pretty frail and a little forgetful, and Rob and I finally realized that he couldn’t ever go home. Rob was perfectly happy to have Dad live with them—the kids love having their grandpa around—but three weeks ago he lost his job in a corporate downsizing, and Jenny— Rob’s wife—had to go back to work. What with three kids and lots of uncertainties, life has been pretty stressful for them. And they really can’t give Dad the attention he needs. So the younger son—namely me— was called in to pinch-hit. That’s why I’m here.”

“You mean you’re giving up your navy career to take care of your dad?”

Jake dismissed the implied sacrifice with a shrug. “I never intended to spend my life in the service. And even though it was a good life in many ways, I have to admit that I’m getting a little tired of being a nomad. The idea of settling down in one place is beginning to appeal to me. Rob may be having some career problems at the moment, but I’m starting to envy his life— the wife, the kids, the picket fence.”

“So you’ve been…alone all these years?” she said tentatively.

“I never married, either, Maggie,” he told her quietly.

A strange feeling of lightness swept over her, but she ignored it and focused on a less volatile topic. “So how does your dad feel about this move?”

Jake’s face grew troubled. “Not happy, I’m afraid. You know how independent Dad always was. He hasn’t taken kindly to having to rely on his kids to take care of him. Rob says it wasn’t too bad at first, when Dad thought he’d eventually be able to go home. But since we decided that’s not an option, he’s been pretty despondent. He knows we’re right, but that hasn’t made it any easier for him to accept. And it’s even worse now that he realizes he’ll be stuck with me instead of Rob, at least for a while.”

Maggie eyed Jake assessingly. His last comment had been made lightly, but she suspected his tone masked deeper feelings. She knew his parents hadn’t been happy when he’d walked out on her. They’d apologized on his behalf more times than she could count. But surely, after all these years, his father didn’t still hold a grudge against his son on her behalf. There had to be more to their troubled relationship than that

“I take it you and your dad don’t get along that well,” she probed carefully.

Jake gave a short, mirthless laugh. “You might say that As I’m sure you know, Dad was very disappointed in me after I…after we broke up. And he didn’t hold back his feelings on the subject, either. So I made fewer trips home, which only seemed to fuel the fire. I did go home more often after Mom’s stroke, but not enough to suit Dad. He figured I’d abandoned them, too, I guess.”

Maggie looked at him in surprise. Abandoned them, too? That was an incriminating word choice. Did it mean that he regretted his decision twelve years ago to break up with her? Had guilt followed him all these years as he roamed around the world? She’d never really considered that. She figured once he’d made his decision he’s simply gone on with his life, that eventually memories of her and their time together had faded. But his words implied otherwise.

“Anyway, like it or not, we’re stuck with each other,” Jake continued. “And I’m determined to make the best of it In fact, to be perfectly honest, I hope we can mend the rift between us. Dad and I used to be close, and…well, I’ve missed that all these years.”

Once again, Maggie was taken aback by Jake’s admission. He’d never been the kind of man who talked much about feelings. Maybe the willingness to do so had come with maturity, she speculated. Once you felt comfortable with your life and had proven your abilities, it was easier to admit other limitations without feeling threatened. Jake struck her as being a very secure man in most aspects of his life. Confident and in control. Yet he’d been unable to reestablish a good relationship with his father. And he wasn’t too proud to admit it.

“Well, the opportunity will certainly be there now,” Maggie pointed out encouragingly. “I’m sure your dad will come around.”

Jake shook his head skeptically. “I’m not so sure. But I have to try at least Rob has his hands full, and we can’t go back on our promise to Mom. Besides, Rob’s done more than his share with Dad since Mom died. It’s only right I take my turn.”

Maggie stared at Jake. The man was full of surprises. Through the years she’d gradually convinced herself that he was a self-centered, spoiled, irresponsible man who had probably grown even more so with age. But the decisions he’d made regarding his father, his acceptance of his duty, his willingness to honor the promise to his mother at the expense of his career, weren’t the actions of a selfish man. They spoke of integrity and principal and dependability. Maggie had to admit that his behavior was admirable. But it was a grudging admission, and certainly not one she cared to verbalize.

“Excuse me, but there’s a call for you, Mr. West,” Abby interrupted, pausing beside the table, her gaze blatantly curious as it moved from Jake to Maggie. “A man named Dennis Richards.”

Jake frowned. “He must not have been able to switch the time for the first interview after all. Will you wait, Maggie? I’ll be right back.”

“Yes.”

“You can take the call on the phone in the foyer, at the desk,” Abby told him.

She watched Jake leave, then turned to Maggie, her eyes shining. “Were you really engaged to him once?” she asked incredulously.

Maggie briefly glanced in the direction Jake had disappeared and nodded. “It’s a long story, honey. And it happened a long time ago.”

“But he’s back now,” Abby pointed out eagerly. “Who knows? Maybe—”

“Maybe we should try not to let our imaginations run away with us,” Maggie advised, cutting off her niece’s fanciful speculations.

“But what’s he doing here?” Abby persisted.

“He’s on his way to Castine. He’s considering a job at the Maritime Academy.”

“You mean he might be living less than twenty miles away?” Abby was clearly elated.

“Maybe,” Maggie admitted reluctantly.

“Wow!” Abby repeated “Wait till I tell Allison!”

Before Maggie could respond, Abby turned on her heel and disappeared into the kitchen. Maggie shook her head helplessly, then propped her chin on her hand, a pensive frown on her face as she considered the situation.

Jake had reappeared in her life after twelve years. “Shock” was hardly adequate to describe her reaction. But somehow she’d made it through the last half hour or so. Perhaps the Lord had taken pity on her and sent an extra dose of courage her way. Still, it had taken every ounce of her willpower and fortitude to act as if Jake’s presence hadn’t been a jolting experience that left her reeling emotionally.

She had succeeded, though, and congratulated herself for that. But a thirty-minute encounter was one thing. How on earth would she cope if the man lived just down the road? If she knew every time she went out that she might run into him—at the grocery store, on the street, in the park? The thought unnerved her completely.

What unnerved her even more was the realization that the man still had the power to unnerve her. She resented that. After all, he was nothing to her anymore. Her life was full and rich as it was. She had two loving “daughters,” an artistic talent that gave her great joy, a satisfying career and a solid faith that continued to sustain her. What more could she ask for?

But Maggie knew the answer to that question, she admitted with a sigh. Though she’d long ago reconciled herself to the fact that the single life seemed to be God’s plan for her, deep in her heart she still yearned for someone to share it with. Having once loved deeply, she knew what joy love could bring. She didn’t think about it often, though. Idle wishing was fruitless. But seeing Jake again had reawakened those yearnings, made her recall the heady feeling of being in love.

Her lips curved up into a wistful smile as she thought back. It had been a wonderful time, those days of awakening emotions and eager plans for a future together, when the world stretched before them, infinite in its possibilities. How differently her life would have turned out if those plans had come to fruition. But the Lord had had a different future in store for her. And she shouldn’t complain. Her life had been blessed in many ways.

“It looks like I’ll have to leave sooner than I wanted to.” Jake’s regretful voice interrupted her reverie.

“I understand.”

“Listen, Maggie, I’d like to continue our conversation. We barely got started. Can I call you tomorrow?”

She frowned and slowly shook her head. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“I guess you’ve been kinder to me already than I have any right to expect,” he acknowledged soberly. “You probably still hate me, and I can’t say I blame you.”

“I never hated you, Jake. I was just…hurt. But I got over that a long time ago.”

He looked at her, wanting to believe that was true, but finding it difficult to accept. In her place, he doubted he’d be that forgiving. “Really?”

She nodded. “Really.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?”

Because I’m scared, she cried silently. I feel like a tightrope walker who’s about to lose her balance. And I don’t want to fall, Jake. Not again. Not ever again.

But of course she couldn’t say that. “It’s awfully busy this time of year. I just don’t have the time to socialize.”

“How about a phone call, then? Surely you can spare a few minutes for that.”

They both knew she could. And Maggie didn’t want to give Jake the impression that she still held a grudge. That would make her seem small and unforgiving. Not to mention un-Christian. With a sigh, she capitulated.

“All right, Jake. Give me a call when you have a few minutes.”

She was rewarded with a smile so warm it seemed like sunshine on a lazy summer day. “Thank you, Maggie. I appreciate it. I’ve already taken care of my bill and loaded my car, so I’ll say goodbye for now.” He stood up and held out his hand. She had no choice but to take it, trying to still the rapid beating of her heart as her fingers were engulfed in his firm, warm grip.

“I know this encounter has upset you, Maggie,” he murmured, the familiar husky timbre of his voice playing havoc with her metabolism as his discerning gaze locked on hers. “And I’m sorry for that. I never want to upset you again. But I’m not sorry our paths crossed. I think it happened for a reason.”

Maggie didn’t respond. She couldn’t.

Jake held her gaze a moment longer, then released it—as well as her hand. “I’ll call you soon,” he promised. With that he turned and strode away.

Maggie sank back into her chair, his words echoing in her mind. He’d said he thought their paths had crossed for a reason. She couldn’t dispute that. It was too odd a coincidence to accept at face value. He’d also said he was glad it had happened. On that point she disagreed. Maggie wasn’t glad at all. Because now that Jake had walked back into her life, she somehow knew it would never be the same again.