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TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR PROGRESS

Shift Happens

“Other famous men, those of much talk and few deeds, soon evaporate. Action is the dignity of greatness.”

JOSÉ MARTÍ, Cuban revolutionary philosopher and author

WHEN YOU TAKE action, the right action, when you take one step a day in the right direction toward becoming more confident, strong, fit, fast, and accurate, you will get results. Those results may happen slowly at first, just as when you first stepped out onto the ice all those years ago. But you will quickly build momentum—first one foot, then the other; one thought, then another—and quickly you will see yourself making the shifts and changes you need to become a better person, a better player. A winner.

When you take the time to notice the positive changes you are making by taking these action steps, you supercharge the momentum of positive change—just as a fast-moving puck has more momentum when it’s hit with twice the power. The shift in the right direction is happening.

Keep a journal, or a record on your smartphone, or write notes directly on the pages of this book so that you can look back and watch your success build. Doing this daily will sow the seeds of success in your mind. The more you do it, the more quickly you will become more powerful.

One NHL player, who started working with me back in his CHL days, has sent me one email a day, every day, for three solid years. With those emails, he is taking the time to acknowledge and share his successes, and to make the most of the good feelings that generates—every single day. Now that’s what I call a player who is determined to be successful!

Do you know of anyone else who is prepared to take one action step a day to be more successful?

The Puck Stops Here

“Hockey’s a funny game. You have to prove yourself every shift, every game. It’s not up to anybody else.”

PAUL COFFEY, second all-time NHL defenseman in career goals, assists, and points

THERE IS SOMETHING very special about the hockey players I work with who make it big. Yes, they are hardworking. Yes, they are determined. Yes, they take action. Yes, they love the game. And yes, they look forward to getting more powerful every day, both physically and mentally. But what’s the biggest difference between the players who succeed and the ones who don’t? In my experience, the players who succeed take responsibility for their results and their progress.

Listen carefully to the radio and TV interviews after an NHL game. Pay particular attention to players on the losing team and listen closely for the way they take responsibility for their actions. Good or bad, players who succeed hardly ever use the word blame. They do not blame their linemates, the quality of the ice, or the words of the coach. The greatest players know that ultimately the only people who can take full credit for their progress are the players themselves.

What’s also important is that when we listen to those successful players talk about their upbringing, their home life, their family, their education—all their struggles and challenges—we learn something interesting from what they say and how they say it. Without fail, they never blame their life situation.

The most confident players—the ones who win consistently—hold themselves accountable. In spite of their problems and struggles, they take responsibility for what they have achieved, and all of them have had to deal with challenges along the way. Life challenges, like hockey pucks, will just keep coming right at you. It’s how you deal with them that counts.

What does this mean to you? Is there something these players are doing that you can use, that will shift how you look at your progress? You bet.

Starting today, learn from the greats. Know that taking responsibility for your progress is the first step. It is the key to your success, in hockey and in life. Start now to develop the habit of being accountable and taking responsibility for what you do, how you do it, what you say, and how you say it. Yes, absolutely, there will be times when you’ll kick yourself because what you said or did wasn’t what you would do if you could start all over again. Here’s the thing—we all mess up sometimes.

We All Mess Up

“Without mistakes, how would we know what we had to work on?”

PETER MCWILLIAMS, American self-help author

WE ALL WISH sometimes that we could take back our words or our actions—the ones that make us cringe when we think about them. It’s how we act when we mess up that turns us into champions. We can make a conscious decision to take responsibility for our actions and our words. We can resolve right now to do better next time—and make sure that next time we do in fact do better.

The beauty of being human is that we are born to learn, develop, grow, and get better every single day. At every moment, our brains are developing more fully—we are learning more every second. It’s a natural human state to be changing a little bit every day. By making the decision to change our actions and responses a little bit in the right way every day, we are guaranteed to become a better player and more confident playing the game of life, which means that we will inevitably taste success more regularly.

SUPERCHARGE THE MOMENTUM OF POSITIVE CHANGE—JUST AS A FAST-MOVING PUCK HAS MORE MOMENTUM WHEN IT’S HIT WITH TWICE THE POWER.

Here is an awesome piece of advice that has helped my players find the strength to stand up and be strong. A great guy in my village passed it on to me many years ago. Now I live my life by this advice, and it has helped my players develop their own sense of personal power.

Wilf Bennett is a hardworking man who has a great perspective on people. A former bull rider and author, he shared with me these words, based on an old proverb: “There are three kinds of people: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who ask, ‘What happened?’” What a way to sort out those who step up when they mess up, those who talk about stepping up, and those who never step up!

You may already be the player who makes things happen, or you may want to be that player. The key here is to step up and take action. Be accountable for your actions, good or bad. Own them, and take responsibility for making progress.

You may be thinking, Why is taking responsibility important for developing my hockey confidence? Good question. Here’s why:

Ask yourself, when you blame other people for your actions:

•Does it feel good inside? Does it really?

•Does it feel like a hit to your happiness?

•Do you feel like crap?

•Do you wish you could see yourself feeling better?

•Is your confidence sky-high afterwards?

It’s okay—I know the answers, and now you do too. Putting the blame on other people prevents you from taking ownership of your part. When you take ownership of your actions, you take responsibility for upgrading your results. Start now to develop your confidence by taking responsibility for your actions and for your progress.

Let’s take a look at the story of one NHL player who took personal responsibility for his decisions and actions and used it to develop his confidence before he even got to the NHL.

It’s how we act when we mess up that turns us into champions.

First overall draft pick Nathan MacKinnon is an inspiring example of someone who makes things happen on the ice and takes responsibility for his actions. Nathan played hockey in his home province of Nova Scotia. He took responsibility to improve himself and his game and was a key factor in helping the Halifax Mooseheads come from behind in a crucial Memorial Cup game.

“He was the guy who competed all the time,” says Halifax head coach Dominique Ducharme of his star forward’s performance. “He made things happen, he was skating, he was hard on the puck, it was hard to get the puck from him, and obviously he was a big reason for our comeback.”¹

Nathan took responsibility for his progress and his success, and he helped his teammates by being fully committed to getting results. The Mooseheads went on to win the Memorial Cup, and Nathan was named most valuable player (MVP) of the tournament. Later, he became the youngest player ever to play a regular season game for the Colorado Avalanche.

Now let’s see how taking personal responsibility for your decisions, actions, and progress develops into an action step that will set you on the path to building your inner strength and hockey confidence.

Setting Yourself on Fire

“You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.”

HENRY FORD, founder of the Ford Motor Company

THINK. WHICH PLAYERS do you admire the most? How did you hear about them? What happens when you watch them? How do you think it feels to be that successful? If they were unsuccessful, would you be admiring those players? Would you be watching them? Would you have even heard of them? Maybe not.

Do you think that their flame of success burned bright right from the very beginning . . . or is it possible that their success started small, just like a roaring fire always starts from a tiny spark? Do you suspect that over the years they chose to learn from the best, to grow and develop and find ways to get stronger—just like you? Absolutely! And you know what? They never stop learning.

It’s important for all of us to remember this: We all started somewhere.

There may be times in our lives when we want to be further ahead than we are. Here’s an action step that will help you move forward:

When are we at our strongest, our most confident, our most powerful? Is it when we are doing nothing to help ourselves? Probably not.

Yes, it’s good to take a well-earned break and enjoy the rest and relaxation of time off. It’s interesting, however, that after a huge amount of time out and relaxation, our brains get bored. We start to want to have things to do. It’s simply human nature to want to take action, make progress, and get results.

Now we are developing the concept of fanning the flames of your success. You could fan the flames by taking action, such as getting to the rink more often or practicing against harder opponents to improve your shooting accuracy. You could set your determination on fire and plan your social life around hockey, to make the most of every minute on the ice. Action in the right direction creates results.

Is there more to success than this? Absolutely. Here is a very simple equation that I show my players. It illustrates the two key qualities that appear time and again in successful hockey players.

Intention + Action = Results

Fan the flames of your own success and take responsibility for your progress by speaking to yourself in a way that encourages you to do better.

Fuel yourself with the fire of great intentions. Focusing on a powerful outcome, and the actions you take, with this in mind will naturally get you there quicker.

One man who used his intentions to get results was Philadelphia Flyers player Bobby Clarke. Bobby had been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 13. Some of the symptoms of diabetes can include feeling tired, thirsty, and very low energy. An NHL player with diabetes has a set of challenges to overcome that are as unique as they are potentially debilitating.

Intention + Action =Results

Bobby’s intention was to be judged for his talent, not his condition. He didn’t want to be known as “the diabetic athlete.” Instead, he says, “I’m a hockey player that just happens to have diabetes . . . that’s all! Judge me how I play hockey; don’t judge me by my having diabetes.”² He was clear about his intention, and he backed it up with his words and actions. He also became one of the best two-way forwards of all time.

So let’s take a leaf from the book of Bobby’s success and decide right here, right now, to take action. You get to decide your goals—your reasons for reading this book. Write down here the results you would like to see from using this book. What would you like to be, do, and have as a result of developing your own hockey confidence?

Here are some examples:

•I want to feel more confident.

•I want to be a stronger, more powerful hockey player.

•I want to hear good comments when people talk about my ability.

•I want to enjoy my sport more.

•I want to be more positive.

•I want to score more goals/make more saves.

•I want to have more fun when I play hockey.

•I want to be proud of my results.

•I want to be happy about how I conduct myself on and off the ice.

Now set your intention for reading this book and improving yourself.

But wait—you just did! Setting your intention is simply deciding the outcome that you want ahead of time. So you’ve completed half of the success equation already!

Intention + Action = Results

Now, that you are clear on your goals and know what results you’re looking for, the next step is—you guessed it—taking action. Hmmm . . .

Sometimes the thought of taking action can be overwhelming, so let’s break it down into small steps. Today, and every day until you reach the end of this book, take one small action step—every single day—toward achieving your intentions. As Paralympic medalist Linda Mastandrea says, “What separates a winner from the rest of the pack is not raw talent or physical ability; it is the drive and dedication to work hard every single day and the heart to go after your dream, no matter how unattainable others think it is.”³ Start today. It’s powerful to realize now that one small step a day in the right direction will take you directly along the path to your success.

It’s important for all of us to remember this: We all started somewhere.

When you combine this practice with taking responsibility for setting those intentions and making those steps, the progress and results you achieve will be a credit to your determination and focus.

Intention + Action = Results

Reggie “the Riverton Rifle” Leach was a Stanley Cup champion with the Philadelphia Flyers and is the father of Jamie Leach, another proud holder of a Stanley Cup honor. He knows a thing or two about what it takes to play hockey and what it took to help his son develop his hockey talents. Reggie, quoting humorist Arnold H. Glasow, says, “Success isn’t the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”⁴ He takes responsibility for his own success and is prepared to take action and focus his intention to get the right results. He fans the flames of his own success.

Fanning the Flames of Success

“A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark.”

DANTE ALIGHIERI, author of the Divine Comedy

DO YOU ALWAYS feel happy when you play hockey? Does it hurt sometimes? Is it possible that once you get off the ice you feel exhausted? Do you sometimes have to miss out on socializing with your friends or spending time with your family to go to hockey practice? In spite of all this, do you still find yourself wanting to enjoy playing hockey?

If your answer to the last question is yes, then you are already starting to fan the flames of your own success. How? You already know that no matter how hard the game, no matter how early the practice, no matter what you have to miss to get to training, somewhere deep inside there is always a part of you that wants to get back out on the ice. Sometimes you may feel tired and overwhelmed and worn out, but there is still something about the game that you enjoy and that will always draw you back for more.

You can fan the flames of your own success because the initial spark of success is already there. That is the spark of fun and love of the game. The following quotation from Gordie Howe inspires players who need to remember why they work so hard every day to become a better hockey player: “You’ve got to love what you’re doing. If you love it, you can overcome any handicap or the soreness or all the aches and pains, and continue to play for a long, long time.”⁵

Gordie Howe—“Mr. Hockey”—was the hockey phenom of his time. His long career, his scoring ability, his accuracy, and his physical strength set him apart from his peers. Born in 1928, Gordie still commands respect today, and hockey coaches often share his advice with their players.

To love your game is to find the fun in the game. That amplifies your level of confidence and helps you to be stronger. It’s a good thing that you know now that you already have the spark in you. Now you get to fan the flames of your success.

If you want to fan the flames of your own success, choose today to take responsibility for being the driving force behind your own good mood. If you want more laughter and more spark in your life, decide to find ways to be fun to be around. Monique and Jocelyne Lamoureux, twin sisters and star players on the U.S. Olympic hockey team, often talk about the importance of keeping things fun while working out and playing hockey. “Show up and be fun,”⁶ says Jocelyne. And when you do, you find the fun in your game. It’s always there if you look hard enough. Use it to blaze bright and find ways to fan the flames of your success. Great players and great leaders blaze bright with powerful confidence.

Blazing Bright with Confidence

“A lot of people, when a guy scores a lot of goals, think, ‘He’s a great player,’ because a goal is very important, but a great player is a player who can do everything on the field. He can do assists, encourage his colleagues, give them confidence to go forward. It is someone who, when a team does not do well, becomes one of the leaders.”

PELÉ, the greatest footballer of all time

WHICH HOCKEY PLAYERS do you know who blaze bright and don’t make a fuss? A number of players spring to mind. How is it that they don’t have to say much, because the way they play does all the talking for them?

Of all the players out there who display calm and true leadership, one of the greats is Pittsburgh Penguins and Team Canada legend Sidney Crosby. When hockey fans watch Sidney and listen to him speak, they see and hear a hockey player who speaks with true confidence.

What do I mean by true confidence? People who are comfortable in what they do and how they do it, and in what they say and how they say it. A player who is comfortable playing his game and likes the results he gets when he plays. I’m describing a way of living and being successful that comes from acting with honor, dignity, and self-respect—and from taking responsibility for getting results that count.

There are people with true confidence all around us. It’s the single-parent hockey mom who works hard every day to make sure the bills get paid and there’s food on the table yet still finds time to drive her kid to the ice, day after day after day. It’s the unassuming kid in the class who doesn’t need to be the loudest person to feel that she deserves to be part of the group. It’s the Sidney Crosbys of this world who play hockey with good intentions and determination, have respect for themselves and others, and take the right actions so that their play speaks for itself.

How can you develop your own true confidence? Good question. I’ll share my personal inspiration with you. Over the years, I’ve heard or read words and seen pictures that inspire me and help me feel good. No matter where they come from, if they inspire me, I write them down. Then I read them, one a day, to provide a spark of inspiration and to fan the flames of success.

Perhaps you also enjoy it when someone shares a bit of advice that has worked for them and helps you feel strong. Here are a few words of inspiration that were spoken centuries ago by a wise man, the Buddha, and have been repeated often. He said, “If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you think you will find it?” Buddha is explaining the importance of taking personal responsibility for our inner happiness, for our own results. This is an important and empowering philosophy. We can each learn to use it to help us get results. What’s the truth that Buddha speaks of? Ultimately, it’s all down to each one of us, to take responsibility to learn, to grow, to develop, and to deal with challenges so that we can become more content and happy with ourselves.

IF YOU CANNOT FIND THE TRUTH RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, WHERE ELSE DO YOU THINK YOU WILL FIND IT?

BUDDHA

It is true that we can try to find the answer to our challenges in our surroundings, in our families, in our hockey. . . and we may actually find solutions and happiness there for a short time. But unless we connect to that spark of joy that is always within us—no matter how small it is—we will not find the longterm happiness we truly desire. Helen Keller said it very well: “Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do.”⁷ One of the keys to being truly confident, content, and happy is to take personal responsibility for our own well-being.

Hockey Hall of Famer and four-time Stanley Cup champion “Terrible Ted” Lindsay played for the Detroit Red Wings and the Chicago Blackhawks. He says that one of the greatest lessons he ever learned about the power of taking personal responsibility came from his father. “When the Depression hit and he had to raise six boys and three girls, he took responsibility.”⁸ In the midst of a worldwide economic crisis, Ted’s dad dug deep, making himself responsible for putting food on the table, clothes on his kids’ backs, and shoes on their feet. He taught Ted how to be responsible for taking care of business and to value each and every opportunity.

Ted started his hockey career in skates borrowed from the husband of a family friend. They were way too big, but he loved them anyway. The happiness spark was always there, and Ted chose to blaze bright, even in borrowed hockey skates. He took responsibility for his inner happiness, and over time, the results came thick and fast. The guy who started playing in boots that were too big became the NHL’s leading goal scorer, and that year, his team won the Stanley Cup. By then, the skates probably fit!

When we decide today that how we feel and how we act— and the results we get—are our own responsibility, we can begin to take ownership of every small step forward that brings us closer to our goals. This develops our ability to act from a feeling of true confidence. Ultimately, our sense of contentment and personal happiness will naturally blaze brighter.

Being Your Own Head Coach

“Ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

HAROLD THURMAN, civil rights leader

SOMETIMES THAT GAME that used to bring us so much fun and personal reward doesn’t feel so much like fun anymore. We feel fed up, and the outlook isn’t good. Something in us says it’s time to make a change. The good news is this is the perfect time to learn what’s going on in our minds and become our own head coach.

Listen to the people around you when they talk about their goals. Take the time to notice if their words are about what they actually want. Perhaps they’re really saying what they don’t want. Here’s the takeaway: the mind doesn’t pay much attention to the do or do not part.

For example, if someone (that would be me) tells herself to stop thinking about chocolate, to forget about how it smells or how good it looks in the wrapper, her mind will focus on the word “chocolate.” Now all she can think is, Where is that bar of extra-dark I hid somewhere? Hang on, I’ll be right back. Mmm. . . Okay, where was I?

Ah, yes, let’s bring this back into the hockey arena. What if, just before a penalty shootout, the player keeps telling himself, Don’t miss this shot, don’t miss this shot, don’t miss this shot . . . What do you think his mind will be focusing on? His brain will be setting him up to miss, miss, miss the shot.

So what action do you need to take to be your own powerful head coach? Learn to monitor your self-talk.

Case Study: Powering Up the Play

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing toward being a champion.”

BILLIE JEAN KING, tennis player and activist

OFTEN WE CAN reach a plateau and find ourselves unable to make a breakthrough, or we can even find that we no longer enjoy ourselves as much anymore—especially after many, many months of training and focus on a particular project. An incredibly talented golfer I worked with, Ryan Weatherall, learned that self-awareness could turn his game around. I trained Ryan to concentrate on how he spoke to himself, on his internal self-communication.

I had heard Ryan talk about what he didn’t want when talking about his goals. He didn’t want to waste his time on the golf course, he didn’t want to miss his shot, he didn’t want to let his family down, and he didn’t want all his hard work to go to waste.

The trouble with Ryan was that his mind had to think about what he didn’t want in order to focus on what he did want. Ryan’s mind was overworked focusing on wasting his time on the golf course, missing his shot, letting his family down, and all his hard work going to waste.

Ryan had to discipline his mind to notice what he was doing when he spoke to himself. As psychologist Daniel Goldstein says, “I think self-discipline is something; it’s like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.”⁹

When Ryan found the discipline to change his focus, when he became aware of the power of his own words, he enhanced his personal power. He says, “I struggled with mental focus throughout the round. I could often keep it together for sections of a round and score very well. When I would lose my focus, I often lost very good rounds or had a lot of making up to do. This season, after I have played 15 rounds or so, I must say I have been able to keep focused throughout. Through thick and thin if I hit a bad shot, I think back to our positive thinking and self-control. I get it back together quicker than ever. My mentality has never been stronger. It is amazing to feel at the top of my game all the time in all aspects of life.

“What is also quite impressive is that I am not the only one to notice the change. Upon my return home after my stay in B.C., I have had several long-term friends as well as my family notice a big change. For starters, I returned to my home course to play with my long-term coach, Bob, to kick off the season. I played very well but didn’t realize that it was not only the score that was impressive that day! We went into Bob’s office after the round to have a chat. The biggest thing on my mind was how my game was. All he could talk about was how well I managed the course and didn’t let my typical frustrations come out in my game that day. He was amazed, and after thinking the round over, so was I!

“I have been able to have a very successful opening to my season, I have never scored this well, and I plan on keeping it up. Every day I go to the golf course, no matter what mood I am in, I know I can go low. I cannot wait for the future! There are big things coming this summer! I am ecstatic about finally reaching my full potential.”

Words Have Wings, so Speak Good Things

“I AM. Two of the most powerful words, for what you put after them shapes your reality.”

ANONYMOUS

NOTICE WHAT YOU say to yourself.

Instead of saying:

•I will not miss this goal.

•I hope I don’t mess up this shift.

•I must not embarrass myself in front of my team.

•I can’t let my team/coach/family/self down.

Repeat in your mind, again and again:

•I’m going to score now.

•I will skate like the wind.

•I am going to make my team/coach/family/self proud.

You get the idea. Fan the flames of your own success and take responsibility for your progress by speaking to yourself in a way that encourages you to do better. Enjoy talking to yourself in a positive way. After all, when others say encouraging things to you, it feels good. Why not speak to yourself in the same way?

Let’s take a look at another great way to upgrade how we can communicate with the mind and get better results.

Have you ever decided on a goal, and then tried and tried to achieve it, but it just never turned out the way you wanted? Many of my players have, too.

The solution to the challenge is to notice the words we are using. When we say we will try to do well in hockey, the word “try” has importance. It tells our mind to be prepared for two outcomes. When we use “try,” we are telling our mind that we are just as likely to fail at the task as we are to succeed. It’s a 50-50 mental energy split. In Star Wars, Yoda hit the nail on the head when he told Luke Skywalker, “Do or do not. There is no try.”

Another way of putting this is an expression that I had when I grew up in Wales: “Pee or get off the pot” (that’s the polite version!). It means do it or don’t do it, but either way, get on with it! Decide to do something or decide not to do it. None of that in-between stuff is going to get you anywhere.

List your tries. Be aware of what you say to yourself and the impact of your self-talk. Over the next seven days, write down how often you use the word “try.” For the next week, take a pen and a small piece of paper, and make a mark on the paper every time you say it, or keep a note of it on your smartphone.

Every time you find yourself using the word “try,” find another way to declare positively what you want to achieve.

Every time you find yourself using the word “try,” find another way to declare positively what you want to achieve. This will shift your mental energy. For example, change: “I’ll try to have a good game.” to “I’m going to have the game of my life!” If you use this technique, day by day you will begin to communicate more effectively with and train the most powerful piece of equipment you will ever use—your own mind.

You will identify old self-defeating habits and replace them with new more powerful habits. With determination, practice, and repetition, and by taking responsibility for getting great results, come new and powerful habits. Rather than trying to have an amazing game, go ahead and be determined to have an amazing game.

Tips

1.Dedicate yourself daily to becoming more successful. Take one step a day toward your goals to build consistent results over time.

2.Take the time to notice the positive changes. When you take time to notice positive change, you supercharge its momentum.

3.Keep a written record so that you can look back and watch your progress build.

4.Take responsibility for your progress and results. The puck stops with you. Notice and model excellence in other players who hold themselves accountable and take responsibility in spite of challenges.

5.Decide today: Are you going to be the player who makes things happen, who watches things happen, or who asks, “What happened?”

6.Fuel yourself with the right intentions and take action to get results.

7.Find the fun in each day and be the driving force behind your own good mood. If you want more laughter in your life, decide to find ways to be fun to be around.

8.Focus on developing high-quality confidence by taking responsibility to deal with challenges, to learn, to grow, and to develop.

9.Be your own head coach by speaking to yourself in a way that encourages you to do better. Enjoy talking to yourself in a positive way.

10.Monitor your self-talk. Which words inspire you? Use them.

11.Be aware of the power of the word “try.” Decide to do something or decide not to do something.