Читать книгу Treasure of the Mind - J. Michaels - Страница 6

Nothing I can do will make this go away. I didn’t know pain like this was possible. Why is it when you need the days to go by quickly they go the slowest? I screwed up as a father and I know it but I don’t deserve to lose my only son, a son I hardly even knew. Well, I guess that part was my doing. I just couldn’t see past his problems. All I could think about was how to fix him, how to make him into a good person. Hell, he was probably always a better man than me, even at seventeen. They don’t tell you about the regret, it’s the worst part; all the lost ballgames together, the growing up that I wasn’t there for, the passages, and the eventual man-to-man talks. And now it will never happen.

It’s just not the same with girls. I love my daughters dearly but a father and a son bond is something only a man can understand. A son touches a different part of you than a daughter. There are things that can only be shared by two men. I wanted so much to see the day when we talked about his life and I helped him through it. I wanted to be his best friend. I wanted to be his best man.

I need to move on, right? But move on to what? Everything feels shallow now; no depth, no satisfaction, and so far from happiness that even death looks better. What if nothing ever feels good again? I guess I can always drink or drug myself into oblivion. What if that doesn’t do it? I’m scared, I can’t live like this.

Emptiness prevails

Darkness has chased away the light

My soul aches for redemption

To go beyond the pain

Agony so deep it pierces my soul

Don’t hate me, my son

Though failed I have

To see you truly and pure

Lend me some time, my Father

Let me go back

To treasure what once was put off

And know its sweet moment again