Читать книгу Treasure of the Mind - J. Michaels - Страница 8

Here I am pounding beers and playing poker with some of the best guys in the world and even that is empty. And damn, they’re afraid of me. I can see it in their eyes. They’re afraid of where I’ve been and of where I am, afraid to get too close to it.

“Guys, we need to ratchet this party up a notch. Let’s crank up the music and get this shindig going. How about some Eagles or Dire Straits?” I call out, hoping to drown out the thoughts. Nervous laughter that just doesn’t fit these guys forces its way out. But they’re trying. They’re my friends and they want me to feel better.

Jimmy breaks open the baggie and loads the pipe. “Tom, turn up the music and give this man some rock and roll,” he yells across the room. “And let’s get the pizza going before the damn munchies set in.”

“Mike old buddy, what’s your pleasure, Dylan or the Eagles? Jimmy’s got all the good ones. He’s more of a Dylan and Eagles freak than you are,” Tom calls out as he rifles through Jimmy’s CD collection.

“Hotel California and crank it up, way up. If I going to lose all my hard-earned money to you jokers, at least you can serenade me while you’re doing it.” Real laughter comes this time. For just a minute, we all forgot.

“Who needs a beer?” Mark offers as he beelines to the fridge. “Let’s get this party going.” But the nervousness starts to seep back in . . .

Not a bad night, things could have gone worse. At least I didn’t lose it in front of the guys. With all the booze and pot we consumed, a lot could have gone wrong. Who would think a bunch of sports-loving, foul-mouthed, middle-aged guys could be so sensitive and selfless? It’s good to have friends, even if they can only distract you for a couple of hours on a Saturday night. Maybe I’m drunk and stoned enough that I’ll sleep tonight, maybe.

My brothers confirm me

Clumsily offering hope

Agreeing to be distracted

From insidious plague inside

Attempting to defer my temptation

To slit my hated throat

Offering a sliver to live for

Friends to fill the void

If only for a moment’s persuasion

Hoping to help me hang on

Offering drink and herb

Soothing with words and music

To keep me diverted

From despair’s lonely door