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CHAPTER TWO

Threats, Taunts and Curses

Here is a prime selection of threats, curses, zingers, and rough commands as well as an ample supply of caustic words of chastisement, cautions, and sharp retorts.

I have given figurative translations (unless otherwise noted) since literal ones often fail to get the offensive ideas across. For instance: sono te wa kuwan zo. その手は食わんぞ. Literally this translates as, “I won’t eat that hand.” Since that doesn’t really say much, I have elected to give readers a more figurative rendering. In this instance:

Sono te wa kuwan zo. その手は食わんぞ。

None of your bloody tricks now.

THREATS

Needless to say, there are hundreds, even thousands of phrases and sentences that are used to intimidate others. But since a complete list is out of the question. I have chosen a few as a starter kit:

Myō na ki wo okosu na. 妙な気を起こすな。

Don’t try anything funny.

Sunao ni naran to buchi-nomesu ze.

素直にならんとぶちのめすぜ。 If you don‘t do what I say, I’m going to beat the hell out of you.

Shikaeshi suru zo. 仕返しするぞ。

I’ll get even (for that).

Itai me ni awaseru zo! 痛い目にあわせるぞ！

You’re going to feel it from me!

Hitotsu yaki wo irete yaru beki da.

つ焼きを入れてやるべきだ。

I should teach you a lesson.

Mogaite mo shiyō ga nai. もがいても仕様がない。

It’s no use struggling.

Aitsu yattsukete yaru. あいつ、やっつけてやる。

I’ll fix him.

Omote e dero. 表へ出ろ。 Step outside.

Keri wo tsukeyō. ケリをつけよつ。

Let’s settle this or Let’s put an end to this.

The expression keri wo tsukeru ケリをつける comes from Japanese tanka 短歌 and haiku 俳句 poems, which often end with the auxiliary verb keri ケリ. Thus, “to add a keri ケリ ” means to bring things to an end.

Beso wo kakuzo. ベそをかくぞ。

You’ll be sorry for this.

Beso wo kaku ベてをかく

literally means to be on the verge of tears, to snivel and whimper.

Ato de totchimete yaru. あとでとっちめてやる。

I’ll make you smart later.

Doteppara ni kaza-ana wo akete yaru kara oboete oke. どてつ腹に風穴を開けてやるから覚えておけ。

Remember, I’m going to drill a hole in your dirty guts.

This old expression was something used by swordsmen in the chambara movies, but it could also be said by a modern-day gangster pointing a pistol at a foe’s stomach.

Seibai shite kureru. 成敗して くれる。

I’ll destroy you.

Omae wo hakusei ni shiteyaru.

お前を剥製にしてやる。

I’ll have you stuffed and mounted.

TAUNTS

In Japanese the choice of pronoun for the speaker or the person spoken to can determine the degree of politeness or rudeness. Ore 俺, for instance, is a haughty word for “I.” Its use often suggests that you feel superior to the person you are addressing.

The man who uses ore is likely to use omae お前 or kisama 貴様 to mean “you.” Kisama 貴様 is a notch below omae お前 in rudeness, so if you resent being addressed as omae お前, you should try this as a fiery retort:

Omae to wa nan da, kisama! お前とは何だ、貴様！

What the devil do you (kisama 貴様) mean by having the audacity to address me as omae お前?

Kisama doko no dobu kara waitan da?

貴様どこのドブから湧いたんだ。

What sewer did you crawl out of?

Or if the other fellow persists in his rudeness, one could try:

Dare ni mono wo ii-agatterun da?

誰にものを言あがってるんだ。

Just who the hell do you think you’re talking to?

Ii-agaru 言いあがる means to speak up to someone. Its use makes it crystal-clear that you consider the person to whom you are talking to be far beneath you.

Continuing the assault, one might say:

Namaiki ja nai ka. 生意気じやないか。

You’re damned impudent.

After that, this barb is flung at the wretch:

Omae no taido wa nattoran.

お前の態度はなつとらん。

Your attitude is really insufferable.

Finally, now that he’s on his knees, he’s finished off with:

Kisama no babā wo yatchaō.

貴様の婆をヤッちゃおう。 Screw your mother.

And lastly, I want to note a toast popular during World War

II. For years I have treasured this little gem without knowing just where I might ever make use of it. Once or twice I was tempted to rise to my unsteady feet in a Roppongi pub and shout it above the din of the revelers. I didn’t, but if I had, I wonder if those making merry carouse would have cheered, thrown me out, or merely ignored me.

Probably they would have muttered hen na gaijin 変な外人 (strange foreigner) in their sakazuki 杯 (saké cups) and looked away in embarrassment. Anyway, here it is:

Shinshū fumetsu, kichiku Bei-Ei!

神州不滅、鬼畜米英! The Divine Land will never die; down with the American and British fiends!

FAMILIAL BLISS

In Japan, it is said that the family that bathes together stays together... with minimal discord. But now Japan must gird its loincloth (fundoshi wo shimeru 條を締める) and face up to the harsh realities of kokusai-ka 国際化 (internationalization). The day may soon come when the Japanese will have to endure their own adaptations of American-style soap operas and sit-coms:

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scene: Eight-mat sitting room in a modest home in Adachi-ku 足立区, Tokyo 東京.

time: After the evening meal

onstage: A weary father, harried mother, and lustful daughter poised to go boy-hunting

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Daughter:	Otōsan, kuruma no kagi wā.!
	お父さん、車の鍵は一。
	Father, where are the car keys?
Father:	Aruite-ke yo. 歩いてけよ。 You can walk.
Daughter:	Zakenna yo. ざけんなよ。 Cut the bull.
Father:	Nani. Kono kono komusume me!
	Kuruma wo kashitara mata jikoru daro.
	なに。この小娘め丨車を貸したらまた事故 るだろ。
	What? You cheeky wench! If I lend you the car, you’ll just have another wreck.
Daughter:	Jikoru? Nani sore. 事故る？ 何それ。
	Wreck? What is it?
Father:	Tobokeru na. とぼけるな。
	Don’t play dumb with me.
Daughter (aside to audience): Kono boke-jijī.
	このぼけジジイ。 Old fool.

Enter Mother with next-door neighbor. Father has lurched to his feet and is looking around wild-eyed for a heavy, blunt object.

Father (shouting): Kono zūzūshī surekkarashi ni namerarete tamaru ka! この図々しいす れっからしに舐められてたまるか！
	I can’t stand being made a fool of by this brazen hussy.
Mother:	Hito-sama no temae mo arun dakara, mō yoshinasai. 人様の手前もあるんだか ら、もうよしなさい。
	Don’t you see we have company? Can’t you cut it out?
Daughter (to mother): Yokei na kuchi dashi sunna yo, kono kuso babā.
	余計な口出しすんなよ。このクソババア。
	Butt out, you old shit.
Father (livid with anger): Nan dato. Kuchi no kikikata ni ki wo tsukero!
	なんだと。口の利き方に気をつけろ。
	Wha-at? Watch your mouth.
Daughter (flouncing out in a huff): Kuso jijī, kutabare! クソジジイ、くたばれ！
	You can drop dead, you old fool!

EPITHETS

When one sees or hears someone involved in difficulties he deserves and has likely brought on himself, the warmth felt deep inside oneself can be expressed with the following expressions:

Zama miro.! ざま見ろ It serves (him) right.

Zama miyāgare. ざま見やがれ。

(This has the same meaning as the above expression but is even harsher in tone.)

Ii kimi da. いい気味だ。 (same as the above two)

Note that this kimi 気味 is not the pronoun “you” but rather two separate characters meaning “sensation” or “feeling.” Thus, “It gives me a good feeling to see him in that fix.”