Читать книгу BETRAYED - Jacqui Rose, Jacqui Rose - Страница 17

‘I wasn’t expecting you to finish so early … you all right, babe? You look tired. Do you want me to run you a bath, darlin’?’ Claudia looked on edge but smiled as Bunny walked into the white and gold front room of the luxury apartment Bunny owned, but shared with Del on the west side of Soho. Bunny smiled weakly back, ignoring the question put to her. ‘What have you got there, Claudia?’

‘Where?’

Bunny looked bemused as Claudia shuffled awkwardly in front of the table. Of all the things Claudia was, it usually wasn’t secretive. ‘Behind your back. What’s on the table, Claud?’

‘Nothing.’

Bunny chuckled a little too loudly for it to sound natural. ‘Claudia, it ain’t nothing if I can see there’s something there. What’s behind your back, babe?’ Bunny began to walk towards Claudia who turned towards the table and began quickly scooping up the contents of the box she’d tipped out.

‘Claudia! What’s going on? This ain’t like you.’

Claudia shot round to face Bunny. Her face was red as she clutched hold of the shoe box against her breasts. ‘And it ain’t like you neither, Bun. Can’t I have a bit of privacy without every Tom and Dick wanting to know what I’m doing? Is that too much to ask for? Or do I need to take me arse out of here to get some cop eye for meself?’

Bunny looked shocked. She’d never seen Claudia react this way. Well, not to her at least. She’d seen her fist down men taller and stronger than her, she’d seen her argue until the cows came home with Del and she’d always seen Claudia jump to her defence as if her life depended on it, but never had Bunny seen Claudia’s formidable presence turn on her. Apologetically, Bunny spoke.

‘I … I don’t know what to say.’

‘Well don’t say flippin’ nothing then. Okay? Keep yer nose out.’

The moment Claudia said it, she wished she hadn’t. She saw the hurt in Bunny’s face as she turned to walk out.

‘Bunny, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it … Bronwin, please.’

Bunny turned to look at Claudia, her face tense.

‘Don’t call me that. I told you never to call me that.’

‘Call you what?’ Del entered the room, overhearing the last part of the conversation between the two women. His voice was loud and cheerful, startling both women.

Bunny glanced at Claudia nervously, then gave a smile to Del. ‘Nothing. It’s fine.’

Del grinned, relieved. The last thing he really wanted was to have his ear chewed off hearing about women’s squabbles. He rubbed his hands together eagerly. ‘Well in that case, who’s up for a spot of lunch at The Ivy?’

Claudia picked up her shoe box and marched towards the door, pushing past Del. ‘Not me.’

‘Nor me.’ Bunny turned and exited, leaving Del on his own wondering if there was ever going to be a time when he’d understand what went on in women’s heads.

‘I had the dreams again.’ Bunny sat in the large white chair opposite the door, wringing her hands.

The place Bunny sat in was a tiny nondescript room with paint peeling off the wall, above a shop on the north side of Victoria Station, but it was one Bunny cherished coming to. It was away from everywhere. A room where nobody knew her or could find her, and it was this room she visited each week.

The one other person sitting in the room was a small hunchback grey-haired woman, dressed in unsuitable clothes for the heat of the summertime. Her black cardigan was buttoned up to the top and she wore a high roll-neck top underneath. She smiled at Bunny sympathetically as she looked over her glasses with a penetrating stare. ‘Do you want to tell me about them, Bunny?’

‘It’s the same dream.’

‘The one where you see him, the man from the woods?’

Bunny nodded, unable to hold eye contact with the woman, fearing she might cry.

‘Have you told Del about the dreams yet?’

Bunny shook her head. ‘No, not really. Not properly anyway.’

‘I think you should. I’m sure he’ll understand.’

Bunny looked down, noticing a line of ants crawling along the skirting boards. ‘Maybe, but …’

The woman pushed Bunny a little harder. ‘Don’t you want to? Is it because you don’t trust him?’

‘I do, but …’ Bunny paused, not wanting to talk any longer, even though that was the reason why she was here.

‘Go on Bunny.’

‘How would I explain to him? I’m a grown woman, I shouldn’t be scared of dreams. It’s stupid.’

‘Then why do you come here?’

Bunny shrugged, but didn’t answer. The woman continued to talk in a soft and comforting manner. ‘What made the dreams come back do you think?’

‘The kid. The missing kid from Camden.’

‘Julie Cole?’

‘Yes.’

‘Tell me what you see, Bunny. It might help.’

Bunny’s blue eyes glazed over as she looked down. Her body became tense and she could feel her breathing becoming shallow as she began to talk, falling into the darkness of her own mind.

‘It’s cold and I’m wearing my dress. Brown dress, horrible thing.’ Bunny gave a wry smile then continued. ‘I don’t have a jacket. Lost it or thrown it. It’s dark and I can’t see nothin’, but I can smell everything. It’s been raining and the leaves are really wet. I can smell the damp and the moss of the trees. I can feel my tights are damp because I’m kneeling down. And then I hear her calling. It’s from a distance at first, but because I don’t say nothing, I make her come to me. She’s looking for me. Calling my name over and over again. I should’ve gone. I should’ve gone when she called me …’

Bunny stopped, unable to carry on, her eyes full of tears.

‘Carry on, Bunny. Try to stick to telling me about the dream.’

‘I can hear her calling my name as if she’s right next to me, but I don’t move. I stay perfectly still. I want to laugh but I know she’ll hear me. And then I hear another sound coming from behind me. Other footsteps. Snapping at the twigs and crunching the leaves on the ground. The moonlight suddenly comes between the trees and I can see me breath in the darkness and just as I’m going to get up I see them. I want to call out to her for her to stop, to go back ’cos I know there’s something wrong. But I don’t. I can’t because then they’ll know I’m there. I’m looking through the bracken of where I’m hiding and I can see her face, she’s still looking and she thinks it’s me. She turns round and I catch the fear in her eyes. And then I feel something warm on my face and I know it’s blood. Tiny splatters of her blood. I hear a gurgling sound and it’s her throat being cut. I look directly at them, wanting to see them, but it’s like they’ve got no faces. I can’t remember their faces no matter how hard I try. Then I see her. She’s just in front of me, lying on the ground. I can almost touch her. She’s only a few centimetres away. So still. I see some of her hair has caught on the bracken so I stretch me fingers out to stroke it. I want to stroke it, to make her know it’s all right that I’m there. But it’s too late, she’s gone. And then even though it’s cold and I’m afraid, I stay with her ’cos she pretends not be afraid of the dark, but she is and I know she don’t like to be alone. I can’t sleep, but it looks like she’s asleep, so I just stay huddled up till the sun rises and she don’t move and neither do I. Just me and her.’

Looking up, wide eyed, Bunny stared at the woman. ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to go, I can’t do this.’ Without waiting for a reply, Bunny grabbed her bag, running out of the door as she listened to the cries of the woman calling her back.

Bunny walked home slowly. She felt drained. Exhausted. And even putting one foot in front of the other seemed a huge effort. The memories of her childhood had reopened painful wounds.

She had once had dreams like her daughter Star. She had once believed that she could do anything. But she knew the debilitating shadow of her childhood had a lot to do with why she couldn’t leave what she did behind. She certainly knew her past was why she couldn’t allow herself to trust anyone, not even Del.

Being a hooker enabled her to give Star the things she’d never had. But it also allowed her to step slightly aside from the rest of society. She could hide away but still keep on living.

Though she wanted a lot more for Star. And for Star, Bunny would do anything. She’d keep on fighting to be a stronger. To be a better person. For Star, she needed to conquer her demons, so her child wasn’t burdened with her ghosts from the past.