Читать книгу Family Constellations - Jakob R Schneider - Страница 7

1Introduction

What is new and compelling about family constellations?

Those drawn to family constellations often look first at one person, Bert Hellinger. Many people have experienced him as helpful when they were in need, and have sensed in him a quality of strength and wisdom, a deep sensitivity towards the dynamics and degree of order in relationships, and an awareness of the soul’s response to events. Therapists as well as clients have experienced a clear inner resonance and response to Hellinger and his work and a sense that what is transmitted rings true and is of great value. He has been intrepid in plumbing the depths of human fates, and has had the courage to openly reveal the potential and the limitations of his interventions.

However, Bert Hellinger’s personal effectiveness alone does not adequately explain the rapid spread of family constellations. Whether in individual or group sessions, various elements of many psychotherapeutic approaches come together to create a tool that allows processes of the soul to be seen and experienced directly. It is a method that focuses on the factors that are essential for resolution. At the same time, this instrument leads into a depth of human experience and discovery that reaches beyond the sometimes-narrow boundaries of psychotherapy into an encompassing, collective realm of mind and spirit. Constellations reveal bonds in the soul that are related to events and fates within a family and larger groups, and they often lead to the resolution of the attendant difficulties.

Central to family constellation work is the concept of ‘entanglement’. There may be a powerful impact in a constellation when we become aware that some of the pain we are suffering actually belongs to someone else in the past, but has not yet been laid to rest. We are not responding to actual experiences in our own lives; we seem to be trying to be of service to those in the past, attempting to bring peace to their souls.

Conflicts arise in the soul when opposing forces divide us internally or in our relationships to others. We are forced to either repress one side or engage in battle. We experience ourselves as divided and torn, indecisive and dissatisfied, under a strain that may even feel like insanity. Counselling or psychotherapy is the work of reconciling these warring factions. One of the primary attraction of constellation work is its power to reunite and reconcile such divisions.

This work makes clear that everyone, alive or dead, has an equal right to their place and connection to the system, regardless of their particular fate in life. It can support reconciliation between victims and perpetrators and their families and descendents, even in the most difficult of situations. Those who have been excluded from a family can be returned to their rightful places. Constellations offer a path that leads to peace in the heart, even in the throes of conflict.

An Example: Fear of Public Speaking

In an advanced training group for psychotherapists, a client was brought in to participate in a demonstration of family constellation work. The man stated his issue:

“I am at the top management level of my company and I often have to give presentations to large groups. Even though I am successful and respected in my work, I suffer from severe anxiety whenever I am doing a presentation in front of a group. Probably no one else notices it, but I always break out in a cold sweat. Sometimes the anxiety is so overwhelming that I try to get out of my obligations to give presentations.” When asked to be more precise about his fears, he said that he couldn’t say exactly what he was afraid of, but experienced a vague fear that something terrible could happen. He could not remember any personal experience that could logically account for his anxiety.

This middle aged, good-looking man was happily married and had two young children. His father had already died, but the man had had a good relationship with both of his parents. In an attempt to deal with his anxieties, the man had tried psychotherapy for a period of some months. Although the client-centred therapy was a positive experience, it did not relieve the presenting problem, which is what brought him to our group.

When asked about any significant events in his family of origin, the man could not immediately come up with any information that might be relevant. Since it was apparent that he was suffering greatly from this affliction, we proceeded with a constellation anyway, and asked him to choose representatives for his father, his mother and for himself, and place them in accordance with his inner sense of their relationship. He placed the father and his own representative facing each other but at a distance. He placed his mother somewhat off to the side, turned towards his father. The father immediately looked down at the floor and seemed very far away, with no relationship to his wife or son. As this sometimes suggests a death, I asked about his father’s parents. The man explained, “My grandfather died very young, while my father was still a small child. My grandmother raised the children alone.” The client was asked to place a representative for his grandfather next to his father. The father, without glancing up, moved several steps away and turned towards a window. The grandfather stood motionless for a while, looking at his grandson. The grandson (the client’s representative) appeared shaky, and seemed mesmerised by his grandfather. The grandfather then made a curious gesture. Several times, he wiped his hands over his face and threw his head backwards. When asked what he was doing, he responded: “I don’t know. It’s as if something flew into my eyes and almost blew my head off.”

The client was extremely moved and said: “My father never spoke about his own father, but my mother told me that before the war, my grandfather was a training officer in the army. One day he was demonstrating how to arm a hand grenade and the grenade exploded in his hand and killed him.” No sooner had the man finished telling this story about his grandfather than, in the constellation, his father threw himself into the grandfather’s arms with heart-wrenching sobs. As if floodgates had opened, all the deep pain and consequences of the terrible, gory past were released, presumably having been locked up in the father’s family all this time. And we could see a strange parallel to the client’s fears about something terrible happening during a presentation. Something terrible really had happened to his grandfather while giving a presentation to his troops. I asked the client to take his representative’s place in the constellation and to approach his father and grandfather. The three men embraced warmly. There was a palpable feeling of relief in the entire training group, and the client appeared very relaxed at the end of the constellation.

This is just one of countless examples of what makes constellations so compelling to so many people. In a short period of time, something was revealed that was immediately understandable and touched the heart. It shed light on current personal difficulties and revealed connections between crucial events and relationships. It opened the possibility for resolution of the issues as well.