Читать книгу Theory and Practice of Couples and Family Counseling - James Robert Bitter - Страница 116

Paul and Jane Quest have been married for 20 years when the family comes to counseling. They were married on her birthday in 1985. Paul often jokes that he married her on her birthday to keep down the number of presents he has to buy each year, but in fact he always gets her very nice gifts—and gets them often. He also works hard to keep Jane’s birthday celebration with the family and their anniversary remembrances separate.

Paul’s father, James, came from a fairly well-to-do Boston family, described by him as WASPy (White, Anglo-Saxon, and Protestant). Paul’s mother, Karen, was from a poorer working-class Irish family. James did not marry until he was in his late 30s. He had always wanted to be a surgeon and although he had dated—occasionally even seriously—he was dedicated primarily to his work and his specialty in oncology. He met Karen, who was a new surgical nurse, when he was 35 years old. She was 23 years old, 12 years younger, but she was, with her soft red hair and almost crystal green eyes, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was the daughter of an Irish beat cop and the only person in her family to ever finish college. She had a bachelor’s in nursing from Boston College. They were married in 1958, after 2 years of courtship. James converted to Catholicism to marry Karen, and he promised to raise his children in the Catholic Church and send them to Catholic schools.

Paul was born 2 years later, in 1960, and he was named after James’s father. He was a bright, beautiful baby boy, 7 pounds, 3 ounces, 21 inches long. Karen stopped working outside of the home to raise their son, a decision that James fully supported. Two years later, Karen was pregnant again but miscarried in her fourth month. Karen was certain that the miscarried child had been a little girl, whom she called Katherine to herself. They were never able to have another child, which Karen called “God’s will.” Paul was therefore a pampered and somewhat spoiled child.

Still, Paul did very well in school, and from an early age he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps. He was interested in everything his father did, and he loved being at the hospital. By the time he was 10 years old, he had already observed one of his father’s surgeries and knew that was what he would do when he finished college.

Jane’s father, Joseph, was the eldest son and first grandson of Boston police officers. He knew from the time he was a young child that he too would be a police officer in Boston one day. Jane’s mother, Amy, was the eldest daughter of a Boston beat cop, and Joseph seemed to be a man “just like her father.” Both families were Irish and Catholic. Joseph and Amy met in high school but waited to marry until he finished the police academy and was on the job. They dated for more than 5 years, and both Joseph and Amy took pride in the fact that she was still a virgin on her wedding night. Amy was pregnant almost immediately, and their first child, Laura, named for Amy’s grandmother, was born a year later.

Although both Joseph and Amy wanted a large family, it took almost 4 years for Amy to get pregnant again. She blamed it on the stress of Joseph’s job, her worry for him, and the long hours that he put in. Still, in 1960, Amy gave birth to her son, named after his father and called Joey by everyone in the family. Amy’s devotion to her son was endless, and Laura, the daughter, soon felt that she was on her own. She became very independent and very close to her grandmothers. Two years later, Jane was born.

Jane would turn out to be the star of the family: She was good at school, she was cute and charming, she had a flair for acting, she loved animals, she was an artist, she played the violin, and she seemed to bring energy and fun to almost everything she did. She would eventually graduate magna cum laude from Boston College on scholarship with a degree in psychology.

Jane’s older sister, Laura, however, had a rough period during her late teens and young adulthood. She felt distant from her father and mother and, in any case, did not like police officers or anything about them. She had gotten pregnant in high school and arranged for an abortion without her parents’ consent. After high school, she moved out. She worked as a salesperson at Filene’s, a department store in Boston, and was a friend with almost anyone her parents would not like. When she was 24, Laura married a construction worker outside of the church. His name was John Westin, and he was a good-time boy. He drank a lot and was in almost constant verbal fights with Laura’s father, who considered him “scum.” When he hit Laura in a drunken rage, Joseph beat him to within an inch of his life and then put him in jail. John and Laura were divorced in 1984—with her father’s blessing. She began to get along with her father much better after that.

Joey, Jane’s only brother, was much loved by his mother but seemed almost incapable of doing anything for himself. He was still living at home in his early 30s, and his mother cooked for him and cleaned his clothes. She liked having two men around the house. Although Joey did not join the police force, his father did manage to get him a job with the city for a while. Joey later passed a civil service examination, got on the list, and went to work for the post office. He never married.

Jane met Paul in 1983. She was completing her degree in psychology and taking a graduate course in psychopathology as part of her undergraduate degree. Paul had finished his undergraduate work in premed in only 3 years: He was 20 years old and started in medical school immediately. Paul saw Jane across the room in the university library, and it was all over for him. He walked up to Jane, introduced himself, and asked her whether she would like to get a cup of coffee with him, and they were a couple from that point on.

They married 2 years later, and their first child was born on schedule as Paul finished his first residency in internal medicine. She was named Amy after Jane’s mother and at Paul’s suggestion. There was very little conflict between Paul and Jane—nothing that anyone really would notice. They were very happy with Amy: She was healthy, interested in others, kind, and intelligent. Two years later, Ann was born, and now Paul and Jane had two beautiful daughters. Except for some relatively early childhood bickering, the two girls settled into sisterhood and even seemed to like each other and get along.

When Amy and Ann reached their teenage years, both were gone a lot with various activities. With Amy driving, Jane did not see the girls as much as she had when she was chauffeuring them around town. It seemed as though the empty nest had arrived early for her, and Jane decided to do volunteer work at a woman’s shelter. It was there that she met a young woman from Guatemala with two small boys.

The boys were named Jason and Luke, because they were light skinned and the mother wanted to pass them off as White. They were 4 and 2 years old, respectively, when Jane first met them. They had been terribly abused by their father: They had been burned with cigarettes, had broom straw pushed under their nails, and been hit in the head and spanked mercilessly. Their mother too had been abused, and there was a court order to deport the father. Shortly after Jane met them, the mother disappeared, leaving a note that asked Jane to look after her boys. The mother was found dead a few weeks later. By that time, Jane had taken the boys in as foster children. After the mother’s death, Paul and Jane started the process of adoption, which took a little over a year.

Jane had hoped that love would make the difference in the boys’ lives, but they were 20 times more difficult than her daughters had ever been. They liked to hurt things and each other. They fought physically, kicking, biting, and hitting all the time. They beat the neighbor’s dog with a stick. They stole within the family and without—food, money, and clothes—and recently Jane had stopped Jason from setting Luke on fire. She always felt in conflict with them. Paul too felt the change in the house, and to Jane he seemed to withdraw further into his work. Amy was heavily involved in the last of her high school days and was dating a young man she would stop seeing when she went to college. Only Ann was available to help her mother with the boys. She cut back on her activities at school and after school. She did the best she could, but the boys never listened to her.