Читать книгу Gypsy Jane - Jane Lee - Страница 11
ОглавлениеI was a teenage girl in love and trying to make my dreams come true.
I fell in love for the first time in my life when I was 16. His name was Jamie. He was a boxer and didn’t smoke or drink. He was the opposite of me but how I loved him. He was my everything. I would dream about the day we would be married with kids – and what a dream it was.
To be honest, I thought he was too good for me and I knew he was only with me for one thing. But I didn’t care. He could have it as long as he was mine. But don’t get me wrong. He loved me in his own teenage, puppy-love sort of way. He was the first boy I slept with.
There wasn’t a lot of money around. I was still ducking and diving but the money was nowhere near as good as I made through the robberies. I just wanted to be with Jamie all the time and, when I wasn’t, he was all I could think about. It was pure, happy and in many ways one of the happiest times of my life. Jamie was a good-looking boy – really handsome – and I was an attractive young woman. Everyone said we made a lovely couple. It was a fun, fun time.
Jamie and I used to go to the pictures and we would go out clubbing sometimes but mostly we would drive down to Woolwich and watch the boats sailing from the marina. Jamie used to talk about becoming the best boxer in the country and I knew he would. I was happy. Even so, although we went out with each other for two years on and off, we were more off than on. Jamie didn’t want a full-on relationship but I did. Oh, how I loved him with all my heart. We were only young and I wanted so much more so I tried to trap him. I got pregnant to keep him because I knew he wasn’t ready to settle down and, to be honest, I knew he wanted a life before becoming a dad. He made it clear he wasn’t ready for a family so I made out I was on the pill and got pregnant.
Looking back now, I know how selfish I was but at that time I was a teenager in love and trying to make my dreams come true. I really believed that having his baby meant he would stay with me for ever. How wrong I was. He panicked. What would he tell his family? They didn’t like him being with me because of the life I had led. We came from different worlds. He said that he didn’t love me but I said I was going to keep the baby anyway. He said he would stay with me until the baby was five years old. So I agreed. I thought, once we were a real family, he wouldn’t leave us and he would learn to love me like I loved him. Then all of a sudden he didn’t answer my phone calls. His mum came on the phone and told me to keep away from her son. I was so heartbroken and felt all alone. I never contacted him again. I just walked away. He had chosen his family over me and it was all my fault.
I told my mum and dad that I was pregnant and Dad went mad. It was bad enough being pregnant but, when Jamie wanted nothing to do with me either, that made it worse. I’d let Dad down. I understood he only wanted what was best for me and it was all going wrong. Mum was back to being nasty and I found myself pregnant and living from house to house again. There was no way I could stay at home. Mum and I had started to row and it would just be better all round if I wasn’t there. I spent most of my pregnancy with a friend who shared my surname, though she wasn’t related.
My friend lived in Prince Regents Lane with her family, including the mum and her husband, six sisters and a brother. They became as close to me as family and I will never forget how they looked after me when Jamie turned his back. They might not have been my blood but they were as close a family to me as my own and I thank them and love them with all my heart.
