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INTRODUCTION

Nine Rungs That Can Change Your Life

“If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to do, do it. Want to change the world, there’s nothing to it.”

—Willy Wonka

Years ago, a fortune teller predicted that one day I would be responsible for helping the world become a better place. Of course, she also told me that in a past life I had been a unicorn—so I understandably didn’t put much credence in her forecast. Besides, I figured I was already helping others in my own small way. At the time, I was the “Beauty Talk” columnist for Town & Country magazine. My columns, though, were not just about glitz and (24-carat) glitter. I tried through my writing to convince my readers that they could shape their own destiny.

I urged readers to follow the example of iconic designer Coco Chanel, who had once said, “My life didn’t please me, so I created a new life.” In other words, to accept the idea that if they felt unhappy, personally or professionally, it was up to them to make a change. But to do so, they needed to delve deep down into their psyches to find out what they really wanted to accomplish—and then think of ways to go about achieving it. Self-esteem played a huge part. I advised them to believe that true beauty was really all about being comfortable in your own skin—although it never hurt to add a killer coral lipstick!

To backtrack a bit, my knowledge of beauty and health came from my amazing mother, Emily, who was always way ahead of her time. We ate organic before organic was cool (and sometimes ripe). Admittedly, the apples tended to have suspicious little holes and the citrus was on the puny side, which she insisted simply meant that no chemical, pesticide spray, or wax was used in their growth or handling. We also made our own yogurt, grew heirloom tomatoes in the greenhouse at our weekend retreat, and had meat shipped to us in New York City from a farm somewhere in Pennsylvania, where the cows were guaranteed—by whom, it wasn’t quite clear—to have ingested only organic, hormone-free grains and grass.

Emily was not some hippy who wore patchouli oil and tie-dyed tops. No! At the time, she was an award-winning fashion designer, a founder and trustee of the renowned Fashion Institute of Technology, and best-selling author of beauty and grooming books. My father was the presiding justice of the New York State Supreme Court. Emily simply believed that “we were what we ate,” and in order to achieve optimal health, we had to be extremely conscious of everything we put into our bodies.

Thanks to her, beauty and health became as much my passion as it had been hers. And at some point in my tenure at Town & Country, I took it one step further. I became involved with a cosmetic and fragrance industry initiative called “Look Good, Feel Better” that helped female cancer patients improve their appearance, and thereby self-image, by teaching them hands-on beauty techniques. From spending time with these courageous women, I also learned that they wanted, and needed, inspiration, hope, and the courage for living well beyond cancer to truly recover the quality of their lives. But many were so overwhelmed by their diagnoses, therapy protocols, and having to deal with all the psychological, physical, and social side effects that followed that they didn’t know where—or how—to begin. I realized that in order for them to truly return to their normal—or better—quality of life, they had to understand that the traumatic effects of their illness went far beyond tumors and treatments. Therefore, the recovery had to help them overcome numerous lifestyle challenges, using diverse methods and modalities to assist them in achieving their objectives.

The Birth of Better Than Before

Working with a life coach, who was a three-time stage IV survivor, and a noted oncologist, I created a series of complementary steps—what we called Lifestyle Disciplines. After much trial and error, we came to the conclusion that in order to have a fuller, healthier, happier, and more rewarding life, it took more than just eating leafy greens and thinking happy thoughts. What was required was a multifaceted approach that included doctors’ advice, an improved attitude, proper nutrition, easy exercises, renewed beauty and self-esteem, natural healing, a heightened imagination, a connection to a higher power, and a way to give back to the world to make it a better place. The survivor member of our team contended that these were essential in his personal recovery. The next part was putting these concepts in a format that would be easy for survivors to access, understand, and execute by themselves. They didn’t need to be inundated with more complicated material or burdensome tasks.

Thus the Better Than Before program was born. Based on those early ideas for cancer survivors, I developed the concept, which features the Ladder to a Better Quality of Life, for everyone seeking to improve their lives. We all need coping mechanisms to help us face our day-to-day challenges. Perhaps the challenges are not a serious sickness or life-altering event, but simply mild depression and anxiety, or the desire to lose those last (or first) 10 pounds. At some point, we must all conquer lifestyle issues, large and small, that keep us from achieving the quality of life we most desire, but oftentimes we have resigned ourselves to consider it impossible to attain.

Begin the Climb

A simple visualization technique, the ladder, is an easy and effective tool. Each rung initiates an important lifestyle change to help you conquer the quality-of-life concerns that confront us daily, while offering advice to help you relax, renew, and replenish. Once you are comfortable with each rung, you can, and should, add what works best for you and subtract those that do not, taking into account your own feelings, along with the advice and recommendations of your family, friends, physicians, and caregivers. At the end of each chapter are worksheets for your notes.

My purpose in writing this book is to guide you over any obstacles and ease you onto a smoother path. Your actions and experiences make you who and what you are, so your mistakes are as important as your successes. It is not necessary to strive for perfection. Failure is highly undervalued. Just as long as you continue to go in the right direction—and that is moving upward. As my mother used to say, “Hitch your wagon to a star.” But don’t expect to revamp your life overnight. Your aim should be to improve each day through incremental changes. Above all is the understanding that every one of us can use guidance and encouragement to find hope and a renewed sense of self, energy, and enthusiasm. The Ladder will give you the access and options to help get you there.

So join me in making the fortune teller right! Let’s take this journey up the Ladder, you and I, visualizing ourselves ascending out of our physical or emotional angsts and up to a more satisfying quality of life. Together we will explore, dream, discover, and draw on our internal unicorns—and just a touch of glitter—as we climb to making each day, each minute, just a little Better Than Before.