Читать книгу Riveted - Jay Crownover - Страница 13

I’d been working bar hours long enough that it took some major commotion and ruckus to pull me out of bed before lunchtime. Even Dolly had adapted to middle-of-the-night walks and breakfast at noon since I was a worthless and cranky blob of indignation if I was forced to abandon my comfy bed while the morning sun was still in the sky. It was the one and only time I let myself be grouchy and hate everything, which meant anyone that knew me well gave me a wide berth in the mornings. My days and nights had been flipped for as long as I could remember, so when loud voices pulled me from a sound sleep the next morning well before noon, and well before the time that most people got up to start their day, I was livid. I hadn’t slept very good the night before, so it felt like I had just shut my eyes even though several hours had passed, but that didn’t mean I was in any kind of mood to be startled awake or to play referee.

I heard Wheeler’s sharp tone as I crawled out of bed almost pushing Dolly to the floor in the process. I was stunned when it was another deep, obviously angry male voice that replied and not my sister’s. I figured Kallie would show up with her tail between her legs any minute now begging Wheeler to take her back. That’s what she’d done the last time he caught her stepping out on him with another guy. She wasted no time in trying to force him to forgive and forget.

She knew exactly where her bread was buttered and there was no way she was going to let the guy that had taken care of her, coddled her, given her everything she’d ever asked for get away from her. There was also no way in hell my vain, spoiled little sister had the backbone and fortitude to weather the embarrassment of canceling her long-anticipated wedding this close to the date. If word got out exactly why Wheeler had pulled the plug on their dysfunctional relationship, Kallie would wither away from embarrassment. She might want to have her cake and eat it too, but if someone pointed out how gluttonous it made her seem she would fall apart. The girl couldn’t take criticism to save her life, which was why she had kept hold of Wheeler for so long. He loved her and everything about her … at least he had until she’d drop-kicked his heart.

I recognized the rough, growly voice with its southern drawl right away. I couldn’t figure out why Church was at my apartment this early, and I couldn’t figure out why he and Wheeler were barking at one another like two dogs staking their claim over territory in my living room. I thought that maybe I was still dreaming until I stubbed my toe on the back of the couch as I rushed into the front of my apartment to see what in the hell was going on.

I swore loudly and hopped around on one foot, which drew both of the snarling men’s attention to me. Dolly, curious about the early morning visitor, gave me a sympathetic look then happily trotted over to Church, who was standing with his arms crossed over his massive chest while he glared at me out of those amazing eyes of his. People would call them hazel for lack of a better term but hazel didn’t cut it. Hazel was too ordinary a word for a color that was so brilliantly extraordinary. Those eyes of his were something else, pretty much all of him was designed to make vaginas surrender without putting up any kind of fight. There were men that were pretty like Asa, and there were men that stole breath with their masculine beauty like Rome Archer. Then there were men who had the best of both those worlds like Dash Churchill.

“What are you doing here before Starbucks is even open, Church?” I rubbed at my sleepy eyes and stiffened when his gaze drifted down from my messy hair, which I was sure looked like I stuck my finger in a light socket, to the oversized T-shirt I was wearing that had a giant cartoon taco on the front wearing a scowl with the words “I don’t wanna taco about it” scrawled underneath. Obviously it wasn’t something I would have ever worn to bed if I’d known he was going to be my six-foot-four, testosterone-fueled alarm clock, but there wasn’t anything that could be done about my ridiculous sleepwear or my out-of-control hair now. There was also nothing that could be done about the fact I wasn’t wearing pants and even though my taco shirt was big it was still just a T-shirt and barely, and I do mean barely, covered up all the things it needed to in order for me to keep my modesty.

I cleared my throat as that mesmerizing gaze drifted down the length of my legs and back up to my heated face. I took a careful step behind the couch and crossed my arms over my chest to mimic his badass pose. Mine was more to hide the fact I didn’t have a bra on and to cover up that even though he was pissed and clearly annoyed his mere presence still had all my lady parts shaking off sleep and waking up bright and early.

“I need to talk to you. I wasn’t expecting you to have company.” The way he said it wasn’t very nice.

I stiffened and shifted my gaze to Wheeler, who was standing at the doorway not letting Church and his palpable anger all the way into my apartment. Dolly was sitting between the two men watching them like they were opponents in a tennis match. She was probably waiting to see who would give her attention first but the visual still made my lips twitch as the dog’s head swiveled back and forth.

“Wheeler, go ahead and let him in. If I’m going to be up this early I need coffee and I don’t want either of you or your male posturing to scare Poppy.” I shuffled from behind the couch and into my tiny kitchen as my no-longer-future brother-in-law stepped to the side. It was only when Wheeler was fully clear from the door that I realized all he had on was a pair of low-slung jeans. His heavily tattooed torso was on full display and his mahogany hair was mussed and messy from a night of aggravated hands pulling at it. If I was on the other side of the door and couldn’t see the tangled mess of Wheeler’s haphazard bed still on the couch, I would probably be jumping to the same conclusion that Church obviously was.

I wanted to rush to reassure him that it wasn’t what he was thinking, that Wheeler was family, but the big, broody man stomping through my living room had me eyeing him warily as Wheeler snorted and muttered, “Come on in, Church.”

Church’s head swiveled around and his jaw went tight. I thought I was going to have to take the sprayer from the sink and hose them both down. “Appreciate the hospitality, Wheeler.”

I rolled my eyes as Dolly whined when the tension ratcheted up a notch and it was no longer fun to be caught between the two men.

“All right, enough. You both have badass names and I’m sure you’re both remarkably well endowed.” I felt like I should offer them rulers to measure just to break through the hostility. “Can we chill out with the pissing contest until after I’m properly caffeinated? Please?” I looked at Wheeler because out of the two of them I knew he would be easier to sway with tired eyes and a weak smile. He looked properly annoyed by my comment about what he was or wasn’t working with behind the fly of those low-slung jeans.

He gave me a narrow-eyed look and walked over to the couch so that he could pull his shirt on. “I’ll take Dolly out for a little bit so you guys can talk.” He gave Church a pointed look as he walked towards the door with my dog happily trotting along behind him. “I’ll only be gone a few minutes.” The implication was clear, Church better state his business and go. Wheeler wasn’t a fan of the early morning wake-up call or the judgment that came with it either. His eyes flicked to me and his lips quirked. “You’re still in fine form in the morning I see.”

I rolled my eyes at his back as the door closed behind him. I popped a pod into my Keurig and looked at Church over the counter that separated us as he paced back and forth in the minuscule space that was supposed to be the dining room. I saw him pause and his step faltered when his gaze hit the tangle of sheets on the couch. He turned to look at me and I watched as a muscle in his cheek twitched as he considered me silently for a long moment.

“He wasn’t your date from last night, was he?” He walked towards the counter and curled his fingers around the edge. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he was looking for something to hold on to.

“Nope. Wheeler is supposed to be marrying my little sister in a few months. He broke up with her last night after he caught her cheating again.” I tapped my fingers on the lower counter and tilted my head to the side. “Even if he was my date from last night that doesn’t give you the right to show up here at the crack of dawn and growl at him.” I expected a flinch or a look of contrition. I didn’t get either.

Then he lifted a hand to his face and dragged it down. I noticed he looked as tired as I felt. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He didn’t look or sound very sorry, but I decided I was still too groggy to fight with him about it.

“So why are you here?” Maybe he would answer me now that he knew I didn’t kick Wheeler out of my bed to answer his knock on my door.

He sighed and his eyebrows dipped low over his fantastically-colored eyes. “Because I need a favor.”

I couldn’t control myself from taking a step back. I’d been subtly throwing myself at the man for months and had resigned myself to the fact that all we would ever have was an uneasy friendship because he didn’t return my interest. I couldn’t fathom what kind of favor would have him calling on me first thing in the morning.

I blew out a breath and watched as it sent a loose curl dancing across my forehead. “We’re friends, Church. I care a lot about you, of course I’ll do you a favor.” I felt like I would do anything for him and not just because I would do anything for anyone I cared about. He was someone special and whatever I could do to chase some of that thundercloud he lived under away I would do it.

He barked out a laugh but there was no humor in the sound. His deep voice dropped even lower as his gaze shifted away from mine. “You probably want to hear what I’m about to ask you to do before you blindly agree.”

I felt my eyebrows shoot up at his somber tone. “That sounds ominous. Just spit it out.” It was too early in the morning for my brain to be firing on all cylinders.

He pushed off the counter and resumed his pacing. He put a hand to the back of his neck and I watched as his fingers flexed as he squeezed. “I haven’t been home since I enlisted in the army. That’s a decade, Dixie. That’s a long time to be gone.” He shook his head a little and let out another one of those laughs that hurt to hear. “I knew Rome was still in Colorado, so I asked him to hook me up with something until I could get my feet back underneath me. I knew he would understand.” He cleared his throat. “It’s time for me to go home.”

I nodded absently and snatched up my cup of coffee. I felt like I might need to Irish the dark brew up a little bit to get through the entirety of this conversation. I asked Church if he wanted a cup and was waved off. He was struggling to get to the point and obviously didn’t want any distractions.

“Denver has always been temporary.” He stopped and turned to look at me. I was trying desperately not to freak out that this was essentially him telling me good-bye. I’d never had him, but I was far from ready to let him go.

“When are you leaving?” My voice cracked and I didn’t bother to hide how deeply his words were affecting me. When you fell you eventually had to land but nobody warned me that part hurt like a bitch.

He stopped moving and put his hands on his hips. It was his turn to incline his head at me while he watched me unwaveringly. “I’m leaving this afternoon.”

I lost my grip on the coffee mug. The heavy ceramic fell out of my suddenly numb hands and hit the kitchen floor with a shattering impact. I didn’t even hear Church call my name as hot liquid splashed up on my bare legs. I was frozen, stuck in place as every fantasy I’d built around the man that was rushing towards me, demanding to know if I was okay, imploded inwards. Dying dreams ripped at my heart as blood rushed through my ears in a waterfall of what could be. If only he knew the way I knew.

I gasped so hard that it made my lungs hurt when hard hands landed on my shoulders and gave me a little shake. Before I could tell him that I was fine I found myself swept up in a single fluid motion. I was clasped to a rock-hard chest as arms that felt like boulders held me aloft. His boots crunched across the broken pieces of mug on the floor as he demanded directions to the bathroom so he could make sure my naked lower half was okay.

I’d wanted his hands on me for what felt like an eternity and when I finally got them there he was getting ready to take them away forever. This wasn’t enough of his touch. This wasn’t even close to being the way I wanted to be held and handled by him but if he was going then I would soak it up like a sponge and savor every fleeting second of it.

He didn’t put me down until he found the bathroom, on his own since I was mute and immobile. He set me down on the edge of the vanity and crouched down in front of me. I’d had a lot of really X-rated fantasies about him being in that exact position. In them I wasn’t wearing a shirt with a taco on it, sporting morning breath and rocking hair that looked like a strawberry blond rat’s nest. I also had on underwear that was far sexier than the plain, cotton boy shorts I was pretty sure Church currently had a clear view of, but none of that mattered because he was using the edge of a towel he’d torn from the rod behind him to gently rub the spots on my shins that were turning an angry shade of red.

“You might blister.” The Delta was thick in his voice as he looked up at me. His accent never seemed to change, it was always languid and syrupy thick with the south in it, but while he knelt in front of me, eyes hooded and concern for my well-being stamped all over his beautiful face, it was stronger, more pronounced. Always there making sure I was okay, for all the wrong reasons. I never asked to be his duty. My heart twisted painfully as I struggled to pull it together.

“It’ll be fine. I’m pale, so it always looks worse than it is. I need to go clean up the mess before Wheeler brings Dolly back. Her food and water is in the kitchen and I don’t want her in there until it’s safe.” We’d never been this close before. Normally my want for him prickled under my skin, annoying but manageable. This close, his hands brushing across my tender skin made longing burn along every nerve and my blood come alive with hunger that was throbbing heavy and hard in every single part of me that was female.

He grunted at me and rose to his feet, which immediately made the bathroom infinitely too small for both of us. He shifted to reach the shower and cranked it on. After dousing the towel in cold water and dropping it back on my legs, he leaned back against the wall and resumed his favorite pose with his arms across his chest. I tried not to ogle the way the fabric of his plain black T-shirt strained around the circumference of his biceps and failed. He was effortlessly a whole lot of eye candy and there was no denying I had one hell of a sweet tooth.

“I’ll clean the mess up but, Dixie, I gotta ask you … Will you come to Mississippi with me for a few days?”

He asked it so casually that I swore I misheard him. “What?” I lifted my fingers to my ears and gave each one a poke and a tug. “I must’ve heard you wrong. It sounded like you just asked me to go to Mississippi with you.”

One of his eyebrows lifted and the corners of his mouth twitched. It wasn’t a smile, but it was the closest thing to one I had ever seen on his handsome face.

“I did ask you to go to Mississippi with me. It’s a long story, and if you agree I promise to tell you all the important parts of it.” I stared at him in stunned silence for a long moment feeling like I’d been dropped in an alternate universe. There wasn’t much between us aside from that friendship I forced on him, so this favor seemed way out of the boundaries he had established and way out of character for the man that made it known he rode that Harley of his solo.

“I need more than that, Church. You can’t really expect to ask me something like that and want an answer with no explanation.” Everything inside of me was surging and rushing, trying to catch up with this new, unexpected turn of events.

He heaved a sigh that lifted and dropped his thickly muscled chest. “When my family asked me to come home, instead of telling them I needed time, that I wasn’t ready to face them and the real world yet, I told them I was hanging out in Denver because I met a girl. I thought it would get them off my back, and it did … sort of.”

I sucked in a breath and shifted my legs under the now clammy and cool towel. “You lied to your family?” I didn’t like that one bit.

“I’ve been lying to them for years. When they wanted to know where I was, what I was doing … I lied. Every time they asked if I was safe and I told them things were fine, it was a lie. This was just one more lie that I told so they didn’t have to worry about me. I wasn’t ready to go back, now I am, but I need you to go with me. There’s an eighty-year-old woman that’s counting on me to come through for her and I need you to make that happen.” He said it all so point-blank and matter-of-factly that I was convinced maybe I was dreaming the whole thing. Maybe I was still wrapped up in bed with Dolly snoring next to me. Maybe my last date had been bad enough that I’d officially gone off the deep end.

I reached out and grabbed the taut skin above the top of his jeans. There wasn’t any fat there to trap between my fingers but I still managed to get a solid pinch in. Church swatted my hand away and took a step towards the door. “What in the hell was that for?” He rubbed the spot through his T-shirt and glared at me.

“Well, clearly I’ve stumbled into a terrible romantic comedy and Hugh Grant is going to burst through the door any second, either that or you’ve been reading too many romance novels and are using the plot that’s in pretty much all of them to fuck with me. You can’t possibly be asking me to pretend to be your fake girlfriend in real life. That shit doesn’t happen.” I kicked the soggy towel off my legs and climbed to my feet. I pointed a shaky finger at him. “You better not be asking me to lie to your family for you, Church, because that is something I won’t do and I won’t forgive you for asking me to do.”

He swore again and held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m not asking you to lie, Dixie. You keep telling me we’re friends, well, I need you to be exactly that. I just need you to be my friend in front of my family.”

I scoffed at him. “That’s ridiculous.”

When he was within touching distance he reached out and put one of his hands on my shoulder and used the knuckles of the other to tilt my chin up so that I had no choice but to gaze up at him. “I’m asking you because you are the only person that can help me. I’m asking you because I know you mean it when you say you care about me.” The pad of his thumb moved along the edge of my jaw and again I forgot how to breathe.

“That’s not fair, Church.” I didn’t like that it felt like he was using my inherent desire to see the people I cared about happy and whole against me.

“Never claimed to be the kind of guy that plays fair, pretty girl.”

Pretty girl.

It was like a knife in my already bleeding heart.

“I don’t know if this is something I can do.” I wanted to because I wanted him to find the peace he was obviously lacking, but I also wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror every day and not hate the woman I saw staring back at me. I wanted the fairy tale my mom talked about, the dream guy my sister managed to land, but I never wanted to be desperate or pathetic in order to get it. Love was supposed to make you better, not make you hate the person you became in order to obtain it.

His gruff voice rumbled from somewhere over my head since I couldn’t force myself to look up at him as my mind whirled and my heart thudded heavy and painful in my chest. “I know it’s asking a lot, but I’m asking anyways because I don’t have a choice.” That was probably true. He was a man that very much handled things on his own terms and in his own way. He was a creative problem solver, proven by the fact he was standing in front of me regardless of the hell he had seen and the terror he had witnessed firsthand.

“You should’ve been honest with your family from the get-go. Neither one of us would be in this spot if you had been.” I didn’t mean to snap at him but I felt a little cornered and he was still stroking my jaw, which was making my head fuzzy and my resolve weak.

“That ship sailed a long time ago.” He sounded mad about the fact, but all the anger was directed inwards, into that void of darkness that lived in the center of him.

“I don’t want you to be a liar, Church.” That wasn’t the kind of man that had made me fall so far and so fast.

“I promise on my mother that I won’t ever lie to you, Dixie.” He sounded so sincere, so earnest that my heart finally overthrew my brain’s tyranny over my common sense. He needed me, and I think we both knew from the outset that there was no way I could deny him help when he asked for it. It wasn’t in my nature to deny someone I cared about my help and there was no way I could tell the person that I was stupidly sprung on “no.”

I blew out a breath that made the floppy hair in front of my face dance. I lifted my hands so I could wrap them around his wrists. It made me shiver when I couldn’t even get my fingers to touch as I tried to close the circles around them. His pulse kicked hard under my fingertips.

“I need to make sure it’s okay with Rome that I go, and I need to get someone to watch Dolly for a few days. If I can get all that squared away then I’ll come with you.” I was convinced any kind of happy-ever-after for me involved him but I was starting to wonder if his was a different kind of happy-ever-after that had nothing to do with realizing I was the one for him. It sounded like his happy-ever-after involved closing rifts and knitting breaches that stretched far and wide. He needed me in an entirely different way than I needed him. The knowledge stung but I still couldn’t deny that I wanted to be the one that he turned to for help. I also wanted to be the one to help him even if it hurt my heart.

He stared at me without speaking for a long, drawn-out moment and then slowly nodded. He let go of my face and stepped back.

“I already cleared your time off with Rome. We had a long talk this morning when I told him I had to leave. He called Avett in to cover for you the next week or so. I told him I wasn’t sure when I was putting you on a plane back home.”

I scowled a little bit and started to follow him out of the bathroom. “You were so sure I was going to agree to this nonsense?” That was annoying.

He looked at me over his shoulder and his lips quirked again like he was trying to smile and he simply forgot how. “I was. You always come through for your friends, and even though I never gave you reason to, you’ve considered me a friend from the get-go. I’m gonna go clean up that mess in your kitchen. Maybe you want to put some pants on before your guest gets back with the dog.”

I looked down at my still-splotchy legs and then back up towards his retreating back with a huff. At the sound he turned around and looked at me over his shoulder with a lifted brow. “I think it’s pretty cute you’re all grumbly and scowly when you first wake up. You’re like a furious kitten looking for something or someone to put your claws in.”

I sat there with my mouth hanging open and staring at the space he was no longer in. No one thought I was cute in the morning. No one except Church apparently. I groaned and dropped my head into my hands.

I should have stayed in bed. Nothing good ever happened before noon.