Читать книгу Our Collective Life - JD Kennedy - Страница 18

Jo found herself in the front of the TV, with a foreign subtitled movie playing. It took a few moments for her to get her bearings. Last thing she remembered was hearing all the voices being really loud and then she blinked and she was here.

The usual feelings descended. Why couldn’t she make her life meaningful? Why couldn’t she seem to live a normal life? She now knew other people didn’t feel like they came and went from their own life. So why did she?

No matter which we she looked at it, her mother was right. She just wasn’t smart, not like her brothers. They were able to get on with their lives, do what was expected of them and make something of themselves. But her? She seemed to be a screw up from such a young age, a disappointment for her mother who desperately wanted a loving daughter but ended up with Jo. She tried to be a good daughter, tried to be everything her mother wanted. Yet, no matter how hard she tried, she seemed to always miss the mark. And her mother made her disapproval very evident.

But Jo knew it was her fault her mother had to be like that. She wasn’t an easy child, and certainly not what her mother had signed up for when she gave birth to her. She just never seemed able to get it together enough to be what her mother, what her family needed her to be. And here she was an adult, and still disappointing everyone. She couldn’t make herself do anything with her life, she couldn’t even seem to be present for a whole day anymore. God, she was so stupid!

Don’t worry, it’ll wash off. She physically jumped and whirled around, automatically looked behind for the male owner of the voice. But of course there was no one there.

And now there was crying, crying in her head which she could hear. How crazy was she, to think she could now hear crying?

Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .

She tried to stop the voice, tried to stop all the voices. But whatever she tried, it didn’t help. She just wasn’t strong enough to fight it, she was too weak and tired. So, so tired.

Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .

Why could she hear that voice, repeating the same thing over and over? Why couldn’t she stop doing this? Her mum was right, she made things up because she liked the drama and attention. And now she had been doing it for so long, she didn’t know how to stop it.

Unconsciously she started to hit the side of her head, trying to stop the voices.

Don’t worry, it’ll wash off .

‘Stop! Stop saying that!’ Jo screamed in her head.

‘It’ll be ok, Jo. Hang in there.’ A kind female voice came from within.

‘Stop it! Stop making this up! You’re just crazy!’ Jo said to herself, hitting the side of her head.

‘You’re not crazy. Hang in there.’

Jo just curled up in a ball and rocked, trying to block out all the noise from within. Why did she do this? Why did she make all this up?

‘You’re not making it up. You are not crazy.’

The tears started to form in her eyes, but even they were too tired to fully form and drop down. They remained in the corners of her eyes, unable to free themselves from the confines of the eye lids.

The looming black cloud that had been hovering over her started to descend once more. It lowered until it rested squarely on her shoulders, weighing Jo down until she physically started to shrink into the chair.

‘Pull her back, now.’Jo heard an authoritative voice command, before she felt herself disappearing.