Читать книгу Island of Point Nemo - Jean-Marie Blas de Robles - Страница 19

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A Bit of Fog on the Lenses of His Glasses

Perhaps her daily dose of hormones, or her age, though more likely her overindulgence in candied fruit and her lack of physical activity have made her into a woman who is rather more than chubby; not obese but plump, with the advantage of having curves where they are needed, but also cascading flab in places that are repellent. A Venus by Rubens, not yet a Botero. Louise Le Galle knows this without wanting to admit it. She imagines herself more as a priestess at the Crazy Horse Saloon, with a name that crackles and allures: Nouka Bazooka, Choo Choo Nightrain, Bertha von Paraboum . . .

Since she became a woman, men have shown zero interest. She signed up for specialized dating sites: “Click through to screw!” A girlfriend had vouched for this practice, though she advised her to cheat on her photo. Twelve meet-ups at restaurants, twelve checks before dessert; eight of them asked to split the bill, two ran off so quickly that the bill was left to her, and the remaining two picked up the check but never called again. She amended her criteria, raised the age and weight of her desired man, but nothing worked. Fat guys wanted skinny women; in fact, the more old and misshapen they were, the less they would compromise on the beauty of the women they were meeting. She got to the point where she just wanted to sleep with a man, no longer cared about falling in love or building a relationship with him.

Poking around in the darkest reaches of the Internet, Louise was surprised to discover advertising slogans that plunged her into the depths of embarrassment: “Ugly girls still need cock: these chicks will fuck the first guy to send them a text. See their photos.”

A site for virgins, she said to herself, perverts and ugly mugs, but still she had clicked, bitten by curiosity at the idea of comparing herself. What exactly did they consider an ugly girl? The results left her dumbfounded: these were young girls, so young, some of them barely sixteen, but still not a single one whose charms did not make her jealous! If these women were considered unattractive, where did she fall on the scale? Outside the curve, certainly. She was so upset to find herself left out of even the rejects—in spite of her job in human resources and her efforts to conform to canonical kinds of sex appeal—that she stopped looking for anything online. Others would have tried similar channels, ballroom dancing, aerial yoga, truck stops, but Louise found refuge in the rituals that, to her, reflected femininity: delicate lingerie, beauty creams—each more expensive than the last—and guilty alternation between dieting and gluttony. She was bursting with fat and bitterness.

So, when Monsieur Wang showed interest, she was even less choosy than before, and his status beguiled her.

The first time, it was the end of a long day of work, and they found themselves alone at the office. She was bringing him the cup of green tea and the crackers that he usually had at that hour. He checked that the biscuits did not contain any trace of peanuts, since he had a severe allergy, then settled himself deeper into his chair.

“I am exhausted, Madame Le Galle,” he said, with an air of despondency. “The stress . . . I can’t seem to relax, would you let me touch your breasts?”

Louise was still in her trial period at the factory. After a moment of surprise, she unfastened her blouse, then her bra, without taking either off. Wang slid his fingers under the structure in order to free her breasts, bent over the larger one, put his mouth on it, kneading the other with his hand. She did not feel compelled by some underlying blackmail, or even nervous. The full truth was that, in spite of its shocking nature, this request flattered her. Yes, flattered. This is what she was thinking as she clutched the back of Monsieur Wang’s head.

He never goes any further. It isn’t that she refuses to, quite the contrary, but he is content to simply continue this sporadic exercise with her. She is not even sure if he ejaculates anywhere besides on his iPad while watching porn. One thing is certain: Wang cannot stop himself from farting while he sucks on her breasts; it even seems like it increases his enjoyment, because he does it with his eyes closed, gravely, as if all his pleasure is released by the sonorous wind that he contrives to prolong, to replicate in detonations that grow shorter and shorter until they become silent.

And yet all this suits Louise. It’s not as if she imagines that these are the actions of a man and his lover, but what does it matter. She admires him, his strength of will, his way of advancing in life, encased in principles and moral rectitude. Who cares if he farts, as long as he bites her nipples? She doesn’t feel much, to tell the truth. It’s the implants’ fault; the surgeon had warned her, it takes several months for erogenous sensitivity to return; in some cases, very rarely, it is lost for good. In any case, he doesn’t see the scars, or, if he has noticed them, he doesn’t say a word, and she is grateful that she gets to feel desirable under his lips.

There, he’s finished with his little routine. He says thank you, bowing stiffly and allowing her to go home. No smile, no kind word. Just a bit of fog on the lenses of his glasses.