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One of the most astonishing things about newborns is their ability to communicate almost from the moment they are born. Without words, they manage to let their parents know when they want to eat, learn, play, or rest. They also can use their bodies and some awful noises to send unmistakable signals when they need a break (or a diaper change!). In the past, experienced friends and family members were there to help moms “decode” baby messages.

Babies have several different states. They can move through states very quickly, making it hard for parents to know why their baby is behaving the way she is. Being aware of cues and paying attention to the baby’s surroundings can help you understand why the baby might be upset or overly sleepy.

Here are a few things the research has shown us:

 Infants “cycle over and over” through active sleep, quiet sleep, and waking

 Active sleep (REM) is considered to be important for brain development

 Babies dream and blood flows to the brain bringing nutrients to active brain cells

 Your baby will cycle through quiet sleep, a deep sleep with no dreaming or movement. It is important for the baby’s brain to rest, and this will be your only true break during the day. Use them wisely!

Although all healthy babies are different, most move through the states in similar ways. If babies are very sleepy or very upset, it may take some time for them to respond. If a baby does not respond at all to the suggestions below (after several minutes), please see your doctor.

Infant States - Birth to 6 months

DROWSY

 Variable movement

 Irregular breathing

 Opens and closes eyes

 Tired eyes

 Delayed reaction time

LIGHT SLEEP (Active Sleep)

A lot of your baby’s brain development happens AFTER they are born, and that requires them to dream a lot. Infants are on a 60-minute sleep cycle, and the first 20 - 30 minutes of sleep they will be in light sleep (dreaming). If you put them down in this state, they are very likely to wake up. Husband and grandma job! Hold the baby for 20 - 30 minutes after you breastfeed, until they transition to deep sleep.

 Some movement

 Irregular breathing

 Facial movement

 Rapid eye movement (REM)

 Easily awakened and startled

DEEP SLEEP (quiet sleep)

In this sleep state, the infant will be very relaxed and have no muscle tension. This is when you can put the baby down and they will stay asleep.

 No body movement

 Regular breathing

 Bursts of sucking

 Not easily awakened

CRYING

 Tears

 Jerky movements

 Color changes

 Muscle tension

 Rapid breathing

 Generally, doesn’t respond quickly

IRRITABLE

 Lots of movement

 Irregular breathing

 Eyes open, but not focused

 Sometimes fussy

 Sensitive to body and surroundings

 Common before feeding

QUIET ALERT

 Little body movement

 Eyes wide open

 Steady, regular breathing

 Very responsive

 Wants to play and interact

 Requires energy and can make babies tired

Waking an Infant:

Sometimes babies are very sleepy and may be hard to wake for feeds. Newborns of mothers who had medication during labor may be particularly sleepy. Fortunately, baby’s brains are made to react to varied stimulation.

When a sleepy baby needs to wake up, it is best to use different touches, sounds, and positions to stimulate the baby’s brain.

Examples:

 Change the baby’s position

 Remove the baby’s clothes and/or change her diaper

 Touch the baby gently in several different places (toes, hands, tummy)

 Call the baby by name several times Repetition to Soothe:

Whenever a baby is crying, caregivers should be encouraged to try to identify why the baby is crying. Once the baby’s needs are met, he may still be fussy. Fussy babies will calm down when caregivers remain calm and use soothing sounds and motions over and over again. Remember, it may take a few minutes or more to calm a baby who is very upset.

Examples (repeat over and over):

 Sing a song softly

 Hold the baby close and rock gently back and forth

 Rub the baby’s back

 Say the baby’s name in a calm voice

These days, many new parents are on their own in trying to understand their baby's signals, called “cues.” In this chapter, I will help you translate the seemingly random movements and sounds that your baby makes into comprehensible messages. We’re going to tell you about “engagement cues,” “disengagement cues,” and “clustered cues.”

Engagement cues – When babies want to interact with the people who love them (or anyone nearby), they will instinctively look, move, and make noise in specific ways. Collectively, these movements and noises are called “engagement cues.”

What you’ll see – Your baby will have wide-open eyes and look at you or a toy as if they are trying to memorize what they see. Their faces and their bodies will be relaxed, and they will use smooth body movements. Older babies may smile and try to touch or taste whatever interests them. When they are very excited, babies will kick their legs and squirm with glee.

What you can do – Using engagement cues, your baby is asking you to help her learn more about you and her new world. At first, your baby will be content just looking at your face and listening to your voice. Later, she’ll want to play more complicated games. Enjoy this time together but be prepared to watch for signs that your baby might be tiring. Engaging with you is hard work!

Disengagement cues – When babies need a break, either for a moment or a nap, they’ll use a different set of movements and noises to make sure you know it. These signs are called “disengagement cues.”

What you’ll see – Your baby may close his eyes, turn his face or body away from you or he may arch or twist his body away. His muscles will be tense, and he may frown or look like he is about to cry. If he’s not allowed to take a break, he will start crying to make sure you know what to do. Older babies will stiffen their hands and bring them up towards their faces; they may try to change position, have you pick them up or put them down.

What you can do – Let your baby take a break! Stop whatever you were doing; reduce stimulation in the environment (noises, lights, toys, or interactions) that might have been too much for your baby. Pay close attention and see if your baby is happy with a short break or if he may need a longer one or a big change of scene. Babies who are over stimulated by what is going on around them will use disengagement cues, but babies have a very limited ability to communicate. While they can tell you when they need a break, they can’t tell you why they need the break. If you pick up your fussy baby and he arches away from you, he might be trying to tell you that the TV is too loud or that the dog smells bad. Sometimes the problem will be obvious; other times you’ll need to be a detective to figure out what has upset your baby.

The Ultimate Baby Body Language: Clustered Cues

It wouldn’t make sense that it could be hard to tell when a baby is hungry. If people needed a PhD to tell when babies needed to eat, babies wouldn’t survive. Babies will give parents lots of cues, called “clustered cues,” when they need them to do important things. A hungry newborn will move her head looking for something to suck on. She will pull her hands and her knees upward toward her face. She will make sucking noises and try to suck on anything she can find. If no one feeds her right away (babies don’t like to wait), she will start crying while still using all the other cues. Older babies will try to get into a breastfeeding position, or excitedly reach for the bottle or spoon. Babies use clustered cues to show they are full too. They relax their muscles, slow down in their eating, let their hands fall away from their face, and sometimes fall asleep. Making sure you know when to stop feeding is just as important to your baby as letting you know she needs to eat. It is important when parents hear their baby’s cry that they check for clustered hunger cues before they assume they are hungry.

Creating Your Own Special Language

Now that I’ve made it all sound so simple, I do have to warn you that some babies are not born able to give clear cues. Some babies have to develop their skills over the first few days and weeks. Fortunately, nature makes sure that things turn out well; when parents respond to a baby's signals, babies get better at using cues and parents get better at reading them. After a relatively short time, parents and babies develop their own special language and this continues as children get older and learn other ways to communicate, including using words. We’d love to hear about your baby’s special ways of communicating with you.