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Letter from Miss Edwina Paltry to her sister, Clara

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3 Church Row

Chilbury

Kent

Thursday, 4th April, 1940

Dear Clara,

The deal is done. We’ll be wealthy beyond our wildest dreams, dear sister. I went to meet the Brigadier, as arranged, in the deserted stone outhouse in the wood.

He was already there, crossly getting out his silver pocket watch. ‘You’re late.’

‘Am I?’ I smiled politely. ‘What a shame!’

He snorted at the unmistakable irony in my voice. ‘Well? Do you think you can do it?’

‘Swap the babies, you mean?’ I kept the smile off my face, although I still found it hilarious that he was suggesting just that. ‘Nip between the births and make both women believe they gave birth to a different baby?’

‘Yes, damn it, woman,’ he shouted. ‘Or should I find someone else?’

‘I doubt you’ll find anyone as trustworthy.’ Then I added with a little laugh, ‘Although Mrs Tilling has midwife training, if you’d like to ask her?’

‘Don’t be absurd,’ he bellowed. ‘Just answer me. Will you do it?’

‘Depends how much we’re talking.’

He snorted like a disgruntled bull. ‘I’ll give you five thousand.’

I stopped breathing for a split second. Five thousand pounds is a vast sum – ten times what I earn in a year. But I wasn’t willing to leave it there. The old rascal is worth far more than that. I’ve seen the finery, the crystal chandeliers, the crown sodding jewels.

‘I wouldn’t be able to work again, and I’d need to leave the village afterwards,’ I said, looking as sorrowful as I could. ‘I’d need twenty to give it a thought.’

He was furious. ‘Eight thousand then. That should be plenty for a woman like you.’

‘A woman like me?’ My face shot up to meet his gaze, and I raised an eyebrow. ‘A woman like me can kick up a good storm, you know?’

‘Are you threatening me?’ he hissed. ‘If you are, I’ll deny it. They’ll never believe your word over mine.’

‘Don’t count on it, Brigadier,’ I said. ‘The days of you toffs being in charge are long gone.’

‘I’ll get you strung up for something, you mark my words.’

‘Ten and I’ll do it,’ I said resolutely. ‘Provided I get the money regardless if it works out or not.’

‘You’ll do exactly what I tell you, Miss Paltry, or you’ll never work here again. Do you hear me?’ He came up close. ‘You’ll get your money when I get my boy.’

‘You give me the money beforehand, and if no boys are born, there ain’t a jot I can do about it. But if there is a boy’ – I smiled with enticement – ‘I will make him yours.’

He clenched his fists. He hadn’t been bargaining for this. Since arriving here five years ago I have been careful to build a reputation of even dealings, especially following my miscalculations in that village in Somerset. (You’ll remember how they hounded me out after I gave wart patients the wrong ointment that resulted in purple-coloured nether regions. It caused three marriage breakups, a major punch-up, the disappearance of a young woman, and at least two angry men trying to hunt me down.) No, Clara. I’ve played my game carefully in Chilbury, hushed up my past, played by their rules.

Now it’s time to reap the rewards.

‘All right, you’ll get ten thousand. But it’ll be half before and half after,’ he roared. ‘And if Mrs Winthrop gives birth to a boy, you’ll settle with half.’ He looked me over scowling. ‘How am I to trust a woman capable of doing such a business?’

‘Women are capable of many things, Brigadier. You just haven’t noticed it until now.’ I gave a quick smile. ‘I will need the first half of the money, in cash, two weeks from today.’

He blustered around the scrub, and I suddenly realised how much this deal meant to him. I should have taken him for fifty. He would have done it. He would have done virtually anything.

‘You’ll get your money,’ he growled under his breath. ‘Come back here on that date at ten, and it’ll be ready.’ He came towards me, his eyes scrunched up like Ebenezer Scrooge. ‘And mind you keep your mouth closed, or the deal’s off. Not a word to my wife either. She is not to know. Do you hear me?’

‘I hear you, Brigadier.’ I spoke quietly. ‘Loud and clear.’

With that I turned and strode out into the wood, leaving him pacing around, cursing under his breath.

Taking a deep breath of newly fresh air, I danced out of the bracken and onto the path. This will work, Clara. As a precaution, I have decided to get chummy with the nuisance Tilling woman. Keep my ear to the ground. This is big money, and my attention to detail merciless. I’ll write closer with details, just as you said you wanted in your letter. I know you think I’ll mess it up like usual, but I won’t let you down this time. You’ll be rich before the spring is out, I swear.

Edwina

The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir

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