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Mrs Tilling’s Journal


Wednesday, 17th April, 1940

Prim’s notice in the church hall announcing a new ‘Ladies choir’ has caused uproar in our tiny community. Last night before the Women’s Voluntary Service meeting (or the WVS as we say these days), Mrs B told me she’d gone straight to the Vicar to find out the truth.

‘“Have you allowed this woman – this newcomer – to take over the choir and debase it beyond recognition?” I demanded of him, and do you know what he said? The Vicar, who is supposed to be a Man of God, told me, “Well, she was awfully forceful and I really couldn’t object.” I didn’t know what to say!’

‘Gosh,’ I said. I was rather excited about the whole adventure. At least we’d be singing again. I’d missed it. ‘I know it’s unusual, but why don’t we go along and see what Prim has to say. There’s no harm in it, after all.’

‘No harm in it?’ she bellowed back at me. ‘No harm in ruining the reputation of our village? I can’t imagine what Lady Worthing will have to say to me about it. She’s such a stickler for doing things the way they’ve always been done.’

A few of the other WVS ladies joined in, the Sewing Ladies tutting about it over their troops’ pyjamas, the canteen ladies unsure how it would work. So you can imagine my curiosity as I peeked into the church this evening, nipping in out of the rain.

I was one of the first to arrive, and the place looked enchanted, the candles at the altar throwing dark shadows around the nave. One by one the ladies began to arrive: Mrs Gibbs from the shop, Mrs B, Mrs Quail at the organ, and even Hattie, who’s heavily pregnant now but said she wouldn’t miss it for the world. Miss Paltry made an appearance – it seems she is turning a new leaf, even speaking to me at the end about becoming involved in the WVS. Kitty and Mrs Winthrop bounded in enthusiastically, bringing their evacuee, Silvie, who for once was almost smiling. Venetia strolled in, perfectly dressed in case she bumps into Mr Slater. She’s become astoundingly unpleasant. But maybe there’s hope for her now that Angela Quail’s out of proximity.

By seven the place was packed, in spite of the downpour, and a buzz of chatter and anticipation filled the chilly air; even Our Lady of Grace seemed to look down in readiness. Meanwhile, a firm contingent of naysayers clucked like a bunch of unhappy hens in front of the altos’ pew, urged on by Mrs B.

Suddenly, the massive double doors flung open, and Prim, majestic in her black, sweeping cloak, swooshed down the aisle towards us, her footsteps cascading through the wooden awnings, scaring a few bats in the belfry. She swirled off her cloak and shook off the rain, her hair looking especially frazzled. With a look of pomp and ceremony in her eyes, she plumped a pile of music on a chair and pranced theatrically up the steps to the pulpit.

‘May I have everyone’s attention, please,’ she called, her pronunciation resounding richly through the cloisters. ‘I’m proud to announce the creation of the Chilbury Ladies’ Choir.’

From one half of the crowd, a round of applause burst forth. I felt a warm glow inside me. This might become a reality.

But on the other side, Mrs B, hands on hips, stood defiant, guarding her territory and supporters with a firm, unyielding presence.

Prim continued, her bright grey eyes bulging with purpose. ‘I know that everyone’s been feeling downcast at the choir’s demise, which is why,’ she announced jubilantly with a flourish of her baton, ‘I proposed to the Vicar that the village’s dear choir should become a women’s-only choir.’

‘And how exactly did you do that?’ Mrs B asked in her usual condescending way.

‘I explained that now that there’s a war going on, we’re far more in need of a choir than ever before. We need to be able to come together and sing, to make wonderful music and help ourselves through this dreadful time.’ She paused, turning towards a tall candle beside her so that its flickers reflected thoughtfully in her eyes. ‘Some of us remember the last war, the endless suffering and death it caused. It is time for us women to do what we can as a group to support each other and keep our spirits up. Just because there are no men, it doesn’t mean we can’t do it by ourselves.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ Mrs B stepped forward, her pompous form bristling up to the pulpit. She was dressed in her usual tweed shooting jacket and skirt, puffing out her chest in what her friends and neighbours know to be her fighting stance. ‘What will we do without the basses and tenors?’

‘We will sing arrangements for female voices, or I will rearrange them for us. We don’t need the men! We are a complete choir all by ourselves!’

‘In any case,’ Mrs Quail laughed from the organ, ‘the only bass we had was old Mr Dawkins. And he hasn’t been singing in tune for at least two years.’

A few titters came from younger members, but Mrs B was not disheartened, looking around for her supporters to speak up.

‘What will God think?’ one of the Sewing Ladies piped up. ‘He couldn’t have intended women to sing on their own. Just think of the Hallelujah Chorus – where would that be without men?’

‘There are plenty of male-only choirs, aren’t there?’ Prim chuckled. ‘Think of the great choirs of Cambridge, not to mention St Paul’s Cathedral. I can’t imagine any God would dislike a spot of singing.’

‘But it goes against the natural order of things,’ Mrs B said.

I felt like clearing my throat and telling her that she was wrong, and before I knew it, I was saying out loud, ‘Maybe we’ve been told that women can’t do things so many times that we’ve actually started to believe it. In any case, the natural order of things has been temporarily changed because there are no men around.’ I glanced around for inspiration. ‘Mrs Gibbs makes her own milk deliveries now, and Mrs Quail has taken on the role of bus driver, like a lot of us taking on new jobs. The war’s mixed everything else up. Why shouldn’t it change the choir too?’

A few claps went round, as well as one or two cheers of ‘Hear, hear!’ and ‘That’s the spirit!’ I still couldn’t believe I’d stood up and spoken, and to Mrs B as well, who was watching me in a highly disapproving way.

‘Indeed, Mrs Tilling?’ Mrs B snipped. ‘I don’t know which part of that address shocks me the most! The notion of having to lower our moral standards because of the war, or the fact that you, my dear, seem to have joined the fray.’ She turned to the group, clustered on the altar between the two choir stalls. ‘We will end this once and for all with a show of hands. Whoever agrees with this preposterous notion, please raise your hand.’

Now Mrs B is not a spirited loser. Even as she counted and recounted the hands that went up, an indignant frown took form. She glowered at us as if we were somehow beyond reproach. ‘Don’t think this won’t have its consequences. I’ll be watching. Carefully.’ And with that she huffed off, making a great show of it, and then, not being able to quite leave, plonked herself down in the last pew. She obviously felt she could guilt us into changing our minds, but as the voices around me grew, I knew she had no such chance.

‘What a jolly idea,’ Hattie said. ‘I can’t think why we didn’t come up with it before.’

‘Yes, and such a splendid name too,’ Venetia declared. ‘The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir. It has a ring about it.’

I hadn’t thought of it before, but now I found myself wondering why we’d been closed down in the first place, why the Vicar had so much say over us. And, more to the point, why we’d simply let him do it.

Prim passed around some copies of ‘Be Thou My Vision’. ‘Let’s get ourselves organised. Stand in your usual places in the choir stalls, or wherever you’d like to be, and try to sing along with your part.’

We muddled around, and Mrs B huffed into the altos beside me. ‘I need to be here to see what a mess she’s going to make of the whole thing.’

‘It’ll be fine,’ I said, but I was holding my breath, praying that we’d do well. I didn’t want it to fall through right from the start, for Prim to be disheartened by our terrible voices. We needed to show her that this could work.

With a look of confidence on her face, Prim lifted her baton, looked to Mrs Quail to begin the introduction, and then brought us in. The sound of our voices filling the space, echoing through the little stone church, brought a burst of joy inside of me: the thrill of singing as a group again, the soft music of intertwining voices, for once staying in tune. I wondered if everyone was putting in a little more effort. Trying to make this work.

‘That was wonderful,’ Prim gushed when the final tapering of the last notes ebbed away into the still air. ‘We’ve got some talented singers here!’

We all smiled and hoped she was talking about us. Even Mrs B’s little group seemed to come under the spell of the music, forgetting the objections.

Mrs B, however, wasn’t ready to give up the fight. ‘I’ll have to speak to the Vicar about this,’ she announced, and flounced down the altar and out of the double doors. I’ll hear soon enough how that goes.

Afterwards, I wandered home in a trance, trapped between the euphoria of song and the pinpricks of fear reminding me that David is leaving soon. The Nazis invaded Norway last week, and we’re sending a force to try to push them out. I hope they don’t send David there.

Slowly, softly, I began to sing to myself ‘Be Thou My Vision’. Everything was black in the moonless night, the blackout rules forcing all the light out of the world. But with a cautious smile, I realised that there are no laws against singing, and I found my voice becoming louder, in defiance of this war.

In defiance of my right to be heard.

The Chilbury Ladies’ Choir

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