Читать книгу Always Turned On - Jennifer Schneider - Страница 15

Porn, of course, is merely the tip of the sexnology (technology used to generate or enhance sexual pleasure) iceberg. These days it is entirely possible to meet a potential sex partner using a smartphone hookup app, to flirt with that person via texts and sexts, to be sexual with that person via webcam and teledildonic devices, and then to brag about the encounter by posting on some form of social media. And the person with whom you’ve had this torrid sexual fling has never even been in the same room as you because the entire interaction has occurred online.

As you can see, digital sexual activity extends well beyond the bounds of pornography.

I started downloading and masturbating to porn and chatting with women I met online when I was a teenager. Eventually this advanced to nightly participation in video chats and mutual masturbation via webcam. A few years ago, when I got a smartphone, I took my show on the road, sexting my regular online partners and seeking out new ones. Thanks to a couple of hookup apps, I was able to meet several women in my hometown. Suddenly, despite having no previous history of in-the-flesh adultery, I found myself meeting nearby women for casual sex. I sought help only when my wife found out about my behavior and threatened to leave me.

Looking back, I am amazed by the immense amount of time and energy I put into sexual activity. As a teen, it interfered with my schoolwork. My homework either didn’t get done or was done poorly because I was in a rush to get online. As an adult, it created emotional distance, frustration, and impatience in dating relationships and later with my wife and children, and it took up work time and office resources. Plus, waiting until my wife went to sleep and then staying up on the computer until two or three in the morning left me, more often than not, tired, exhausted, depressed, and physically unwell. Our marital sex life became practically nonexistent, and I watched my wife blame herself, thinking she was no longer attractive. Despite all the craziness, I still think about getting back online nearly every day.

—Hank, forty-two, systems analyst

Here are some of the most common engaged-in digital sexual activities:

•Joining sexual membership communities that serve various interests

•Posting personal profiles (dating and/or sex ads), and hooking up with other people either online or IRL (in real life)

•Meeting people with similar sexual interests—such as fetishes, spouses looking to cheat, or older people looking for romance—via chat rooms, websites, and smartphone apps

•Viewing and downloading porn photos or videos from people, commercial porn sites, newsgroups, or file transfer protocol (FTP) sites

•Exchanging texts, emails, and photos with others for the purpose of sexual/romantic fantasy, possibly leading to solo masturbation, mutual masturbation via webcam, or in-person sexual encounters

•Using prostitute, escort, and sexual massage websites and apps

•Buying, selling, or otherwise exchanging traditional sex-industry products such as magazines, videos, and sex toys

•Simultaneous mutual sexual activity in private chat rooms—writing back and forth while masturbating, or masturbating on video chat

•Viewing, via webcam, staged sexual acts in real time

•Using apps to find casual and/or anonymous sexual hookups

•Cruising social media or dating sites to view intimate photos or locate potential sexual partners

•Sexting (sending sexual texts and images) via smartphones as a way to flirt with an existing partner or a new acquaintance, or even just for the sexual thrill of it

•Using teledildonic masturbatory devices that warm, lubricate, pulse, and grip in tandem with sexual activities taking place onscreen such as porn videos or even live performances

•Playing virtual sex games that allow users to create customized fantasy avatars that are then used to participate in interactive online sexcapades

Given the amount and variety of currently available digital sexual activities, it is easy to see why sex addiction is on the rise.