Читать книгу A Baby Of His Own - Jennifer Taylor, Jennifer Taylor - Страница 9

‘THANKS.’

Connor took the mug of coffee that Lucy offered him and sat down. Now that the time had come to talk, he wasn’t sure how to begin. He didn’t want to antagonise her, but he needed to make it clear that he was determined to play an active part in Izzy’s life—with or without her consent. Her main objection seemed to stem from the fear that he would grow tired of the responsibility of being a father, so maybe he should try to reassure that he had given the situation a lot of careful thought.

‘I know it must have been a shock for you when I turned up today,’ he said, easing himself into the conversation. ‘With the benefit of hindsight, I can see that I should have got in touch with you before I left Boston.’

‘It would have been less stressful for both of us if you had done,’ she said coolly, sitting down.

Connor might have believed that she was completely in control of herself if he hadn’t noticed the way her hands trembled as she lifted the cup of coffee to her lips. His heart contracted when he realised that her composure was merely a façade. Inside, Lucy was terrified about what was happening and he hated having to put her through such an ordeal. But he didn’t have a choice. He intended to be there for Izzy, no matter what it cost him or Lucy to achieve his objective.

‘It would. And I can only apologise that I didn’t realise it sooner.’ He shrugged. It wouldn’t help his case if he let her see how nervous he felt, too. ‘However, what’s done is done and there’s no point sitting here bewailing the fact. What we have to decide now is which way we’re going to handle this. I suppose it’s a case of sorting out the logistics.’

‘Logistics?’ Lucy put her cup on the table and stared at him. ‘I’m not sure what you mean by that.’

‘Obviously, we need to work out a rota for when I can see Izzy. And when she gets a bit older then we’ll have to decide how often she can stay with me—’

‘Stay with you!’ She leapt to her feet and he saw all the colour drain from her face. ‘You really think that I’m just going to hand her over to you?’

‘Of course not. But there is no reason why she can’t stay with me, is there?’ Connor deliberately moderated his tone. They would get nowhere if they kept arguing and he had to do all he could to keep things calm. However, it seemed that Lucy had other ideas as she rounded on him.

‘There is no way that I am allowing Izzy to stay with you! Quite apart from the fact that she doesn’t even know you, I don’t trust you to take proper care of her!’

‘I’m her father. And I think that gives me certain rights, including the right to look after her,’ he snapped, stung by the comment. ‘Izzy won’t come to any harm when she’s with me and I resent you suggesting that she will.’

‘And what happens if there’s some sort of emergency at work while you’re looking after her? What do you propose to do then? Phone up the hospital and say that you’re very sorry but you can’t respond? I don’t think so, do you?’

She laughed scornfully, the colour rushing back to her face as quickly as it had left it. Connor felt his pulse leap as it struck him how beautiful she looked with her eyes ablaze and her cheeks all rosy like that. She had always possessed a delicate beauty which had never failed to stir him, but this new, feisty Lucy was even more beguiling. It was an effort to drive the thought from his mind but he needed to focus on more important issues now.

‘If I was taking care of Izzy then obviously I would have to make provision if I was called out. I wouldn’t just abandon her, if that’s what you’re suggesting.’

‘And I’m supposed to be happy with that, am I? You would, quote, make provision for her? Well, I’m sorry, Connor, but that’s just not good enough. Izzy isn’t a parcel that you can hand over to someone else whenever you choose. She needs people who will always be there for her, and not just when it’s convenient. Looking after a child means putting them first and everything else second, and I just don’t think you’re capable of doing that.’

‘You have no idea what I’m capable of!’ He stood up as well, incensed by her refusal to believe him. Maybe he hadn’t explained things very well but there was no question of him treating Izzy like a parcel!

‘That’s where you’re wrong. I know exactly what you’re like. We were together for six months, don’t forget, and not once during that time did you let anything come before your job.’

She didn’t back down and it was the fact that she wasn’t prepared to meet him halfway that hurt most of all. Lucy must have a really poor opinion of him if she wouldn’t accept that he truly cared about his own daughter.

‘Maybe I didn’t, but that was then and this is now.’ His tone was harsh but it was the only way he knew how to hide this pain he was feeling. The fact that Lucy didn’t consider him fit to take care of their child hurt unbearably.

‘Meaning that I would always have come second to your job?’

The hurt in her voice was almost his undoing. Connor longed to tell her that it wasn’t true, but it would have been a lie. His job had always come first and there was no point wishing that he’d done things differently now. However, Lucy had no idea how hard it had been to stick to the decision he’d made to concentrate exclusively on his career while they had been together.

‘If you want to put it that way then, yes, I suppose you could say that. I never made any secret of the fact that I was ambitious, did I, Lucy?’

‘No, you certainly didn’t.’ She gave a brittle laugh as she sat down. ‘I have to give you full marks for honesty, Connor. I was never in any doubt that our relationship had an expiry date stamped on it.’

He wasn’t sure if he liked that assessment of his actions but it seemed pointless to argue about it. He sat down and picked up his cup, giving himself a breathing space while he tried to decide what to do. He needed to convince Lucy that he could be trusted to look after Izzy and it wasn’t going to be an easy task from the look of it.

‘Look, Connor, we can argue about this all night but you aren’t going to change my mind. I am prepared to let you see Izzy but that’s all. There is no way that I will allow her to stay with you. For heaven’s sake, I don’t even know where you live!’

‘I’ve rented a flat in that new complex near the business park. It wouldn’t have been my first choice because it’s too far from the hospital, but it was the best I could find at short notice.’

‘I know where you mean. I looked at one of those flats myself but it was too expensive for me. Mum and Dad offered to help me with the rent but it wouldn’t have been fair to expect them to subsidise me. Dad’s hoping to retire this year and they’ll need every penny.’

‘Why did you decide to move out of your old flat?’ he asked, feeling the same ambivalence he’d always felt whenever she’d spoken about her family. He knew how close Lucy was to her parents and her two older sisters, although he had never met them. He had deliberately kept his distance and had refused whenever she’d invited him to any family functions. Getting to know her family would have made it that much harder for her when they’d parted, and he’d wanted to protect her as much as he could. Or that had been what he’d told himself.

Now he found himself wondering if he’d really been protecting himself. Lucy had always had a hold over him, and he’d realised at the start of their relationship how dangerous it would be to get too deeply involved with her.

‘It all came down to money again. The rent was just too much for me once I left work. Added to that, the lift kept breaking down all the time. It would have been a nightmare trying to drag a pram up all those stairs.’

‘I never thought about that,’ he said softly, trying not to dwell on the thought of his own vulnerability. He’d made a vow many years ago that he would live his life the way he chose to live it, but now he could see that a lot of the decisions he’d made in the last year had been influenced by Lucy. It was an effort to focus on what she had said and he frowned because it was the second time she’d mentioned that she hadn’t been able to afford the rent. He couldn’t help feeling guilty at the thought of her struggling to pay her way while she’d been expecting their child.