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INTRODUCTION

Sea Change With A Dancing Heart

For the past 34 years, I have been fortunate, honored, and privileged to be invited into the inner sanctums of collegiate and professional athletic programs to coach the coaches and athletes to believe that they can be something other than ordinary. I have written and published eleven books, all from this experience, reflecting what I have learned from thousands of these great spirits who have opened their hearts, allowing me to focus on making a difference in their lives. Gathering stories, collecting observations, gaining insight, and expanding wisdom, I am here to say that I notice a huge paradigm shift taking place in the profession of coaching; athletes are demanding positive relationship change with their leaders. Such an historic “sea change” tells me that those being coached are seeking a change of heart from those doing the coaching to a more dynamic, multifaceted approach. Still interested in the necessity of developing and learning the essential skills, tactics, and strategies of their sport, the athletes also seem to desire being taught this knowledge in environments that are marinated in respect, trust, love, compassion, and integrity. In other words, while they care about what you know as their coach (Xs and Os), they also want to know that you care (inspire and empower). In a sense, they are asking their leaders to “dance” between both axes of coaching, to coach with heart, thus the genesis of the title of this book.

THE DANCING HEART PROCESS

In this new book, I offer practical, useable, and dynamic concepts for positive change and success in the ever-shifting landscape of the profession of coaching. Coaches who are successful in sport are beginning to realize that they need to win the “relationship game” and the athletic game will take care of itself. What they are discovering is that coaching is ultimately a “path of heart,” a relationship dance between athlete and coach, and the counterpart dance between teaching the athletes skill-sets for optimal performance coupled with the wisdom of inspiration that will empower the athletes to “go the distance” in sports and life.

First, we have the relationship dance, which in Chinese is called Wu Tao. Here is the dance between giving and receiving, receiving and giving. To be a good coach, mentor, and teacher you must be a good student and learn what needs to be known from the student (the athlete) in order to teach them what they must learn. In this dancing relationship, each individual is interdependent—forming a bond of equal fulfillment, love, and respect in a harmonious atmosphere of openness, communication, and loyalty. Each person involved in this mutually beneficial dance, genuinely experiences the gifts each has to offer. This fluid, rhythmic, flowing, and dancing union between coach and athlete, serving and sharing together for the greater good of all, is an extraordinary process to behold. It is the cornerstone of the “coaching with heart” process. True learning and development take place in all arenas of life when giving and receiving are intrinsic to each member of the relationship.

Second, extraordinary leadership and coaching involves a dance between two distinct axes. The first axis demands the devotion of the leader’s time and energy to performance management, strategic planning, and a myriad of other “Xs and Os” preparatory exercises. While these aspects of leadership are absolutely essential to the coaching piece, there is yet another axis that is a willing partner in this second dance. This other axis in this union is spiritually based—one that is related to the first dance, Wu Tao, and by definition enables you to inspire and empower those being led. Herein lies the essence of this book.

The challenge at this point is for all of us to discover ways to dance together, to create safe environments and develop relationships of the heart. This book serves as a template to help us learn to dance with heart with those we lead by cultivating environments where hearts can dance; where teaching and learning is a dance between giving and receiving; where we, as leaders, can perfect the essential absolutes of love, inspiration, compassion, respect, understanding, and integrity while helping concurrently to develop the skill sets so necessary to perform the tasks at hand. When we influence and dance with others in this way, they feel valued and perform more optimally in an encouraging environment, free of fear and intimidation. With an increase of love, compassion, and spirituality, people become happy, trust and respect deepen, and the results and outcomes are greatly enhanced. Simply stated, when we coach with a dancing heart and develop relationships like this, those we lead are more joyful, cooperative, and happy and therefore work harder; when anyone works harder, results and outcomes usually improve.

Additionally, athletes in such environments will begin to prepare, practice, play, compete, and live with heart themselves. Your coaching becomes the model used by all those under your guidance for their own personal leadership on and off the field.

I am aware also that this book could have a significant impact on the direction of coaching educators in a time when athletics is experiencing an influx of leaders, a new generation who desire to master both the Xs and Os of their game and the inspiration and empowerment pieces as well. This book will change the focus of coaching, your understanding of athletes and those you lead.

Another valuable function of this book is how it can facilitate your progress of getting to know yourself better, to cultivate your inner guidance system called intuition, to influence others by example and attitude, and to lead and coach by guiding rather than forcing others to comply, building resentment and rebellion; better to create environments of loyalty, trust, respect, and cooperation where resistance and counterforce are virtually eliminated, while instilling a strong sense of personal power in those you lead. You will discover that by being such a heart-directed leader, you will empower others and, simultaneously, gain power yourself. Like electricity, the more energy and love you conduct, the more you receive. In truth, you never need to display power. Others just feel it and respect it because such an extraordinary leader radiates and emanates personal power.

The principles, strategies, wisdom, and overall lessons of this book will guide you to develop a more athlete-centered approach for those under your guidance, thus helping you to master the art of highly effective, enlightened, and extraordinary leadership.

This book is written for the entire population of people and professionals who desire to become inspirational and empowering coaches, helping those they lead to grow and develop into their full human potential and capacity. Such coaches in athletics, business, education, church congregations, military organizations, and parents of athletic-oriented kids are but a few of those targeted populations that could benefit from this book. The wisdom and lessons within these pages offer to all of us concepts, strategies, and tools for inspiring and empowering relationships in all walks of life. It is a book designed to help you be in position to accelerate the process of readiness for those whom we lead, who hesitate to move forward even though they desire to do so.

Think of this book as a commitment to change, transform, improve, and optimize the effective skill-set you already possess. We all feel from time to time that something is missing from our repertoire and we need to “rock the boat.” Sometimes we feel stagnant or on a plateau and wish to take our performance to a higher level. Perhaps we want to get a stronger sense of purpose or motivation and have a different success experience, one that does not rely on outcomes and results. This just may be the book to nudge you along the path, requiring all of us to think outside-the-box, in order to coach with a dancing heart.

AVENUES OF WISDOM

There are two ways, essentially, for each of us to accrue wisdom in our lives. The first is painless: learning from the teachings of others. The second is painful: learning from the experience of our journeys in life. To accomplish the task of writing this book, I will intersperse both avenues of wisdom, alternating between wisdom from my professional calling and the wisdom of sacred books written over 25 centuries ago for leaders, generals, and heads of state in ancient China. The three major parts of this book will combine Wisdom to Inspire, Wisdom to Empower, and Wisdom of the Watercourse Way, the Tao itself.

SACRED CALLING

I have been working in the coaching professions for 34 years. During this period of time, I have established a consultancy that is unique, stimulating, practical, and game-changing, aimed at instilling the principles of leadership learned from extraordinary coaches and athletes.

When I give it some thought, I really haven’t had a job during any of these years. Instead I have had a “sacred calling,” honorable and privileged work of serving and giving to others where my focus has been on making a difference rather than making a living. The funny thing about that is the “making a difference” approach has provided me with making an extraordinary living. There’s an important lesson here for all of us who attempt to reverse the process.

It has been a joyful, sacred calling thus far, one of learning, growing, and expanding, and filled with much passion and love, a path of endless self-discovery, revelations, openings, and epiphanies along the way. It has enabled me to experience 29 National Championship teams and write this, my eleventh book on the subject. I agree with the observation of Cervantes when he said: “The journey is better than the inn.” And, I am not even halfway there. I have so, so much more to learn and many miles to go before I rest.

SACRED BOOKS

In Chinese, the word that best defines and epitomizes extraordinary leadership and coaching with a dancing heart is Jingshen, a Mandarin concept meaning to instill spirit, vitality, chi, passion, and personal power in those you lead.

To achieve Jingshen, the art of implementing ways to inspire and empower others, not only do I use my wisdom from my calling but I adapt the timeless lessons on leadership from several ancient sacred Chinese books, one of which is the Tao Te Ching, the most widely published book in the world aside from the Bible and a source of spiritual strength for centuries. It was written 26 hundred years ago, ostensibly by Lao-Tzu, a Taoist sage, for all who were in positions of leadership at that time and who possessed the potential to influence, inspire, and empower others in a strong, positive, and productive way. Each of the 81 verses contained within this classic offer ageless leadership lessons, principles, suggestions, and strategies for effective guidance that speak directly to one of our most challenging professions, athletic coaching. These lessons help to cultivate ideal relationships between you and your athletes while guiding them to go the distance in athletics and life.

In addition to this, these practical verses of sagely advice give insight into a more “natural way”; the way coaching and leadership were meant to be, in harmony with nature. For example, the Tao Te Ching talks about the power (TE) of a leader or coach to serve others from a place of love, caring, and spirituality, rather than the power over others by resorting to force and manipulation. This is the power you have to influence and encourage athletes to discover their motivation within, to have courage, commitment, integrity, perseverance, patience, selflessness, and be fearless. When this happens, there is a heightened sense of purpose, meaning, and relevance to what they do which happens to be the essence of motivation. The Chinese calligraphic symbol for Tao is made up of a head, signifying wisdom, and a foot, representing walking—literally translated it means “walking the way of wisdom.”

If you are anything like me, you want to kick it up a few notches in your coaching. The wisdom of the Tao Te Ching will help you to do just that as you experience significant change, improvement, and growth in addition to what you already have mastered from years of good work. The leadership lessons from the Tao Te Ching are a compelling way to get the most out of what you do. This wisdom, along with the wisdom from other Chinese sources, will help you to begin to understand the essence of extraordinary coaching, guiding, mentoring, and teaching not only for your work but for the bigger picture of life in all arenas of performance.

I’m excited and eager to dive in and begin the journey. This book is written in the spirit of giving to each of you, all that I have learned from so many others wiser than myself. I am like a hole in a flute where the breath of these great spirits comes through to you.

The following are several specific examples of what Coaching with Heart will help you to create and cultivate in your heart-directed culture:

• spark the flames of enthusiasm, excitement, and inspiration that flicker in all athletes

• encourage athletes to win the inner battles for success in all of life

• create environments that are emotionally safe, without blame and judgment

• enable athletes to realize their full, expansive capacity in sports and life

• nurture team cohesion, harmony, and unity of purpose, one heart, one soul, one goal

• gain the dedication, trust, loyalty, love, and appreciation of all those whom you lead

• communicate so that athletes will listen to you and you to them

• permit risk and help others learn the lessons of failure for sport and life

• model powerful humanistic styles of leadership

• resolve conflict more peacefully and effectively

• create more joy, happiness, and fulfillment for athletes, helping them to perform at higher levels

• cultivate independence, interdependence, and confidence in those you lead

• encourage athletes to turn to you in times of crisis, rather than to outsiders or drugs

• nurture self-esteem in others and in yourself

• be respectful and sensitive to athletes’ needs

• express anger or irritations without causing emotional damage

• become more accepting, flexible, and balanced in your coaching and in your life in general

• create a culture of winning and excellence in sports and life in general

• teach those you lead to prepare, plan, play, and compete with the heart of a warrior

• win the relationship game before winning the athletic game

• step outside the box and be more creative and dynamic in your coaching

• develop ways to inspire and empower others to find inner motivation to go the distance.